Recently, numerous events had led me to express my gratitude (again) to certain people. Don't worry about the rankings. It isn't important. It's nominal, not ordinal.
Steph. For giving me an exposure in Dance Club. Dominance. For giving me a chance to hold a position in there and trust me even we only know for a few days. Isaac. For giving me a chance to be a helper as well as listen to some of my comments. LingShiau. For enlightening me about your song-composing style and willing to lend your ear to me and advise me. QiWen. For gila-ing with me when I need some gila essence. WeiZhi. For willing to listen to my ideas and give some moral support. And of course: YumCha friends!
Alright, all these happened in this week. I am sleepy now, so I can't elaborate anymore. Don't be sad when your name does not appear here. Maybe it's time to pay attention. =).
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Shifting Allegiance
Forget about best of both worlds. It's just a fairytale lie.
Remember the Wanderer series? Well, a new pilgrimage is done. Dance Club and Music Club. Haha. New pilgrimage. I am leaving all my friend's personal problems that linked to me aside, and focus on new friends, old allies. Those who are not my allies, well, sad to say, we cannot talk much anymore.
Ego kills. But this is the only way to stop my friends' ego from killing me. Call me hypocrite.
I am going to reveal more later tonight. 'Coz I am having presentation. Ciao!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I Like It
I like a friend who is straightforward enough when I ask a question. And so far, I've got that person. Nice. Maybe stereotyping should be avoided. Thanks to the post 'Find the Good in Bad' written by my brother Amirul, and now I have seen things much clearer right now. Delusional. Illusional. Foggy. It's all over now. It's a brand new me! Metamorphosizing... a new butterfly will emerge next two months! Just wait out! I seriously can't stop liking those who are straightforward to me! Oops!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I Change
I change as I promised. I am making new friends as fast as I can say my name in 3 seconds. But is it way too fast? I dunno. I have heard some comments like, 'Hey, it doesn't feel like you before!', or, 'What has gone into your head?' I tell you what's gone into my head, active worm. Hypermobilus verminus. Yeah, me and my stupid scientific terms. I was an active person before, especially during National Service, and now, I am here, to regain my lost memory. Many people asked the same thing: Why? Because, first, I don't want some personal thing to permeate my mind and occupy it to make me feel nervous or depressed. I want my mind to be focused on what I have now, what kind of friends I really appreciate and needs to be connected and what happy memories I have. Although it still found a way today to enter my mind, I am able to block it. Firewall UP!!!
***
The biggest flaw in human behaviour: selfish I hope everyone here, stop your selfishness. Pay close attention to what your friends or families need or want. Help them. Don't sell fish anymore. We have enough fishermen. Without friends and families, you won't be here standing amidst the crowd. Egotism kills. Narcissism kills Self-centrism kills. Remedy? Care and love heals.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Argh
I once discarded the idea of having a best friend. Now, the idea is seeping back into my mind, making me extremely emotional when there is a candidate for it.
Argh.
Here, I apologize for being so idiotic because I keep on posting blogs about self-pitying and licking own wounds.
Life isn't just about myself, it's about others. Considering myself strange, I am so outward pushing to care people till I sometimes forgot about myself. Ha. I think I just saw my exact opposite nowadays: inward pushing to care ownself till sometimes forgot about others.
Anyway, conclusion is, I am strange.
As my brother, Amirul, said before: "Find the Good in Big Mistake". I think I am having some time to digest this. I have done this before, but recent events have escalated me into someone who is so sensitive to people's welfare and being.
Argh squared.
Now, I think my feeling is fluctuatin violently, but no one seems to understand. You know why? Because I made friends from different 'clans', so some 'clans' don't know certain things about me while others do. Ha. It's OK. It's nothing big. I've experienced this in Form 3, so I guessed I would come along by Form 4. LOL.
It actually happens because many of my new friends are actually leaving me for their studies and future purposes. Besides Juan Wyn who is going to Setapak, Wei Fa is leaving for Melaka, Faruq and Desmond are graduating, many helpers from Karaokay Competition are leaving for Setapak as well and one more thing is, Amirul is gone from Facebook! I can't find him! You know how I feel when I lost someone close like a brother!
Argh cubed.
I can't believe all these are happening around me. OMG. I think I must have done something terribly this semester, that's why someone is punishing me eh? Or testing me? LOL. I confess, I am a little bit late to know you all. Semester 3 is not a good semester to know new people huh? Just like my Foundation Facebook status: "3 is not a good number in a relationship". LOL. I have just written my own prophecy. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Argh exponented.
Guys, I am really sorry for not spending enough time with y'all
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Regrets
AloneFacing the monitor screen
Thinking
Counting
How many friends I am losing
Before I have the chance to really know them
Night ever so silent
cannot calm
My turbulence in my heart
Why
Goodbye?
Why
Never say hi?
I lost my words
I lost my senses
Saying what I could
to change the unchangeable ending
I know you at the wrong time
I know you at the wrong place
But I never know you wrongly
I was hoping
some of you can be great friends with me
till it's time
But it's a hope
A hopeless hope.
A fool's dream
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Straightforward
Hmm, recently, people have not been straightforward to me. They tried to make some move to attract my attention so that I would give them the response they hope.
I would like to give a response, but I am afraid it's not the response you hope for. I don't like hurting people.
If you want to eat with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to accompany me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to chat with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to spend more time with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want me to be your best friend, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to date me out, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to find me, say it, I sure will agree.
...
The point is, I am not cincai. It's because, I am available to all sorts of options. I am a freelancer. Don't be afraid that my time would be occupied. You don't ask and you will never know.
Why are you so afraid just to come up and wave to me and say what you want?
Is it because it sounds gay (for boys)? Or it sounds like couple (for girls)?
Please, I don't wish this kind of hide-and-seek game. I sometimes wish to have those as well (chat, eat, date with you all), but I didn't ask because you are already with someone else. And yes, I did ask. I always do.
Sometimes I might be standing with a bunch of people, but you still can come and wave to me, rather than eyeing at me, as if spying on me, and see where I go then you secretly creep up behind, hoping I would notice you.
Yes, I did notice you. But I don't know what you want.
It makes my life difficult if you don't get straightforward to me and play your hide-and-seek games.
Take note ya! Yumcha, breakfast, lunch, dinner, study, chat, private talk, meeting, I am all yours as long as you asked.
Bye =)
Hope we all be straightforward!
[PS: I am not pekceking. Just merely point out the fact that we need to be straightforward]
I would like to give a response, but I am afraid it's not the response you hope for. I don't like hurting people.
If you want to eat with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to accompany me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to chat with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to spend more time with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want me to be your best friend, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to date me out, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to find me, say it, I sure will agree.
...
The point is, I am not cincai. It's because, I am available to all sorts of options. I am a freelancer. Don't be afraid that my time would be occupied. You don't ask and you will never know.
Why are you so afraid just to come up and wave to me and say what you want?
Is it because it sounds gay (for boys)? Or it sounds like couple (for girls)?
Please, I don't wish this kind of hide-and-seek game. I sometimes wish to have those as well (chat, eat, date with you all), but I didn't ask because you are already with someone else. And yes, I did ask. I always do.
Sometimes I might be standing with a bunch of people, but you still can come and wave to me, rather than eyeing at me, as if spying on me, and see where I go then you secretly creep up behind, hoping I would notice you.
Yes, I did notice you. But I don't know what you want.
It makes my life difficult if you don't get straightforward to me and play your hide-and-seek games.
Take note ya! Yumcha, breakfast, lunch, dinner, study, chat, private talk, meeting, I am all yours as long as you asked.
Bye =)
Hope we all be straightforward!
[PS: I am not pekceking. Just merely point out the fact that we need to be straightforward]
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Pillow Talk
Sorry for blogspamming...
Unintentionally, you saw someone you missed, or hoped to see; that kind of joy and excitement was unbearable, even your cold face couldn't cover your expression. You thought this is it, somehow you and that someone's destiny are meant to meet, and now you and that someone is only a few metres apart.
You smiled in your heart, stepped out your first step...
Then, another person appeared next to that someone and that someone followed the person away. That someone didn't see you there and that someone just left, with the heavy footsteps stomping on your heart.
You, unintentionally, lowered your head and smiled bitterly, trying to cover up your embarrassment and foolishness. You left the scene. Your mind automatically switched on your soul radio, and you listened to it.
When you are done, you still cannot hide your soft heart shattering loudly in your heart.
Unintentionally, you saw someone you missed, or hoped to see; that kind of joy and excitement was unbearable, even your cold face couldn't cover your expression. You thought this is it, somehow you and that someone's destiny are meant to meet, and now you and that someone is only a few metres apart.
You smiled in your heart, stepped out your first step...
Then, another person appeared next to that someone and that someone followed the person away. That someone didn't see you there and that someone just left, with the heavy footsteps stomping on your heart.
You, unintentionally, lowered your head and smiled bitterly, trying to cover up your embarrassment and foolishness. You left the scene. Your mind automatically switched on your soul radio, and you listened to it.
When you are done, you still cannot hide your soft heart shattering loudly in your heart.
Grateful
When I do something, I don't hope for praise or gratitude. I only hope for the satisfaction people get. When you see the smile on people faces, you get the eternal smile in your heart. That's my principle, and that's why I joke a lot, even though the jokes are kinda lame or cold.
Blame Malaysia for having a hot and humid country. XD.
My mum said, happiness is a shortlived memory. It doesn't stay. If you want to make it stay, you have to make it everywhere. You smile to yourself, but you can't see it and feel it much. Make people smile, and you will get double the happiness.
True.
Once, I saw my friend tripped over and hurt his knee badly. It was bleeding, no, it wasn't bleeding profusely. You know what I did? I carried him on my back. I wasn't bluffing. I did that. Serious. Although I was a thin and skeletal monster. You can't believe how wide the smile he put on when he reached home. He couldn't stop bowing and thanking me, for which I smiled back, saying. "It's OK, I know how it feels like being hurt and have to drag your way back."
When he was healed, he gave me a pot of soup as gratitude. The moment I smiled and said thanks, he smiled even wider. That kind of two-way smiling, lighten up the atmosphere a lot.
Then, another time, when I was in NS training, my buddy fell sick. It wasn't an ordinary cold, it was a hot cold. I know it sounds paradoxical. But a hot cold is something like, you have a runny nose, painful joins, muscle aches and a feverish feeling. You have a sore throat but you can't cough. It usually is caused by rain + heaty food like fried food. Know what I did? I wrote him a long message of what to do and what not to do, what to eat and what not to eat. I even went to his dorm at night to give him some supplements. In just two days, he was healed.
And guessed what he did? During a sharing session, he stood up, and thanked me in front of everyone. It was kinda touching the way he said "... MZ-lah buddy yang tersayang. I tak pernah kenal sorang pun yang penyayang seperti dyer. Saya sumpah akan jaga dia balik..."
I was almost on my tears, because everyone was looking at me, clapping, smilling and dragging a long note of 'AWWWWWH...'. And he hugged me. I wasn't expecting that. I was, shattered.
The third time was my dormmate, I took care of him when he got seriously ill. I slept next to him. Every time he moaned when he felt unwell, I would wake up and pat him back to sleep, or put some warm handkerchief (yeah, my handkerchiefs finally in use) over his forehead. I even carried him to bathroom and poured hot water for him to drink.
He was healed in a week, with many of his friends thanked me.
I smiled. I wasn't deserving a thank, but I think, he deserved to be helped in such condition.
Why would someone be so selfish and ignore the friends around him/her? Human emotions are the most complicated and yet fragile thing that ever existed. If you can't take care of a fragile thing, don't ever tell me that you are strong physically and mentally.
[PS: Just a pillow talk...]
Blame Malaysia for having a hot and humid country. XD.
My mum said, happiness is a shortlived memory. It doesn't stay. If you want to make it stay, you have to make it everywhere. You smile to yourself, but you can't see it and feel it much. Make people smile, and you will get double the happiness.
True.
Once, I saw my friend tripped over and hurt his knee badly. It was bleeding, no, it wasn't bleeding profusely. You know what I did? I carried him on my back. I wasn't bluffing. I did that. Serious. Although I was a thin and skeletal monster. You can't believe how wide the smile he put on when he reached home. He couldn't stop bowing and thanking me, for which I smiled back, saying. "It's OK, I know how it feels like being hurt and have to drag your way back."
When he was healed, he gave me a pot of soup as gratitude. The moment I smiled and said thanks, he smiled even wider. That kind of two-way smiling, lighten up the atmosphere a lot.
Then, another time, when I was in NS training, my buddy fell sick. It wasn't an ordinary cold, it was a hot cold. I know it sounds paradoxical. But a hot cold is something like, you have a runny nose, painful joins, muscle aches and a feverish feeling. You have a sore throat but you can't cough. It usually is caused by rain + heaty food like fried food. Know what I did? I wrote him a long message of what to do and what not to do, what to eat and what not to eat. I even went to his dorm at night to give him some supplements. In just two days, he was healed.
And guessed what he did? During a sharing session, he stood up, and thanked me in front of everyone. It was kinda touching the way he said "... MZ-lah buddy yang tersayang. I tak pernah kenal sorang pun yang penyayang seperti dyer. Saya sumpah akan jaga dia balik..."
I was almost on my tears, because everyone was looking at me, clapping, smilling and dragging a long note of 'AWWWWWH...'. And he hugged me. I wasn't expecting that. I was, shattered.
The third time was my dormmate, I took care of him when he got seriously ill. I slept next to him. Every time he moaned when he felt unwell, I would wake up and pat him back to sleep, or put some warm handkerchief (yeah, my handkerchiefs finally in use) over his forehead. I even carried him to bathroom and poured hot water for him to drink.
He was healed in a week, with many of his friends thanked me.
I smiled. I wasn't deserving a thank, but I think, he deserved to be helped in such condition.
Why would someone be so selfish and ignore the friends around him/her? Human emotions are the most complicated and yet fragile thing that ever existed. If you can't take care of a fragile thing, don't ever tell me that you are strong physically and mentally.
[PS: Just a pillow talk...]
One VS One
Bah, this has nothing to do with previous post, or even DotA, or Counter-strike, or whatever.
Hmm, I don't know where to start. People are asking me why I expose my blog when blog is supposed to be private. First thing first, my blog was never intended to be private. I don't remember writing private stuff. OK, fine, the Wanderer series, Red tree vs Green tree, those are private, but hey, what I mean is, it's not confidential.
I intend to let people read, because certain posts, I wish people won't follow my footsteps, and certain posts, I want to share with you all about life. I remembered I only posted one offensive post at the birth of this blogspot last October, but hey, I was only being naughty. =P
OK, back from ketam-ing, this post is about me (I figured out I am getting more and more narcissistic and self-centred. Gosh!). I am getting happier by the day since last week. I don't know why, maybe something in me has arisen.
Then, recently, I talked to my friends one vs one (yeah, that's the title). DomDom, WeiWei, Isaac, Qi Wen and of course, Juan Wyn. And by this one vs one chat, hmm, how to put it... I managed to know many things deeper. No, not about relationships, just, erm, you know, how life is going to be and some nonsense.
It has been a while since I chatted so much (I know I am a chatterbox) and I feel good, as if everything has been poured out from me so that I can start afresh (or anew, if you want to argue).
I am so sorry that I didn't treat my friends well (Disclaimer: the word 'treat' does not include any meanings similar to 'belanja'). I think next time, I will pay more attention to my friends (of course my family comes first).
Today I did a bad thing. I know V is coming, but yet I still moved away. LOL. It wasn't intentional. My friends asked me to go to the other side. When I saw V coming to find me, and saw me at the other side, fuhhhh, I felt so bad about it. LOL. Sorry! (maybe I perasan, but I don't think V was finding me at all. LOL. Either way, it is bad to leave someone alone).
Bla bla bla, yeah right, I accidentally, unintentionally, surprisingly become the UTAR Karaokay Competition helper. Weird. Well, going for meeting later at 9pm.
Tata!
[PS: I think this post doesn't reflect my previous personality. As if I really become so much happier...]
Hmm, I don't know where to start. People are asking me why I expose my blog when blog is supposed to be private. First thing first, my blog was never intended to be private. I don't remember writing private stuff. OK, fine, the Wanderer series, Red tree vs Green tree, those are private, but hey, what I mean is, it's not confidential.
I intend to let people read, because certain posts, I wish people won't follow my footsteps, and certain posts, I want to share with you all about life. I remembered I only posted one offensive post at the birth of this blogspot last October, but hey, I was only being naughty. =P
OK, back from ketam-ing, this post is about me (I figured out I am getting more and more narcissistic and self-centred. Gosh!). I am getting happier by the day since last week. I don't know why, maybe something in me has arisen.
Then, recently, I talked to my friends one vs one (yeah, that's the title). DomDom, WeiWei, Isaac, Qi Wen and of course, Juan Wyn. And by this one vs one chat, hmm, how to put it... I managed to know many things deeper. No, not about relationships, just, erm, you know, how life is going to be and some nonsense.
It has been a while since I chatted so much (I know I am a chatterbox) and I feel good, as if everything has been poured out from me so that I can start afresh (or anew, if you want to argue).
I am so sorry that I didn't treat my friends well (Disclaimer: the word 'treat' does not include any meanings similar to 'belanja'). I think next time, I will pay more attention to my friends (of course my family comes first).
Today I did a bad thing. I know V is coming, but yet I still moved away. LOL. It wasn't intentional. My friends asked me to go to the other side. When I saw V coming to find me, and saw me at the other side, fuhhhh, I felt so bad about it. LOL. Sorry! (maybe I perasan, but I don't think V was finding me at all. LOL. Either way, it is bad to leave someone alone).
Bla bla bla, yeah right, I accidentally, unintentionally, surprisingly become the UTAR Karaokay Competition helper. Weird. Well, going for meeting later at 9pm.
Tata!
[PS: I think this post doesn't reflect my previous personality. As if I really become so much happier...]
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