What have I been pursuing for the last ten years? I longed to have a very, very best friend/brother. The one that looks like we grew up playing together, sharing stuffs and stuffs more. Because of that, I have turned into a hideous monster. A very possessive and insisting monster.
What is it I have got for one year plus? A human being nothing but enslaved for responsibility and dependency. Is that what I am getting after ten years? I have asked myself for many times. What is it that I want? Did I get it/
It seems like a strong 'yes' in the first few months, but the answer has subsided, or melted, into something in between hesitation and ignorance. What is it that I want actually? I now realise, this dream I have been pursuing is still a dream. Impossible. Presposterous. Unless time flows back to when I am a kid, I go and mix and find someone to grow up with.
Petty nonsense, isn't it?
So instead of continue dreaming about it, I made my first move: Move.
I will give myself a space. 5 years, perhaps. I don't know how long it would take. But I hope the lines would snap off gracefully across the time to my graduation ceremony. I don't want any ropes tying on someone so strong that I feel hurt to severe it.
Alone, may be much better.
Brotherhood is all but a dream. In fact there is someone I treasure most. I don't know why. The comfort I get, the confidence I gain. It's nothing compared to what had happened all these times.
I am happy now.
I am liberated.
May all of you bless me.
TQ. Till we meet again.