Tuesday, December 25, 2012

I Keep My Quiet Tears

My colleague, named C, talked about her trip to Autocity. She was excited. She told me, "You know the place where they..."

I shook my head and gave a bitter smile, "Sorry, I have never been to Autocity."

"Wait, the last time you said you never been to Genting or Cameron, now Autocity. I wonder WHERE did you go for trip?"

At that moment, I swore I heard my heart cracks and bleeds. I managed to force out a wider smile and replied, "No, there was never a time I actually have a trip. I usually go to certain places because there is some work there, like it's Chinese New Year and I have to go back to Kedah, or going for interview so I have to go down to KL."

"Ask your friends along?"

"I don't have any friends coming along."

I turned away, faced my PC and worked the shit out of me. Because I am scared. Because my heart's weeping. What happened to me? Now I have realised I never been to a trip with anyone. Once, only because I have to back Ipoh and my friend wanted me to bring him around, so I brought him. That's not a trip. That's a convenience.

Did I go to Autocity before? No
Pavillion? No
Seaside? No
Camping? No

21 years. Goddamn 21 years.

My parents said it's OK, "We will bring you around if we are able to."


And you know, the time I hang out with Vancy and Puaycian? Puaycian said, "Wow, it's the first time we all watch movies together."

I wept again.

Christmas, everyone checking in and out on foursquare or whatever square they've got. I am alone in my room designing a Warcraft Map.

Things are going to change, people keep telling. Yeah, shit they do. I want to be alone now.

Maybe I should delete my facebook account once I graduated. Maybe just deactivate.

Why people keep telling me where they go and they never invited me?

OK, gotta go now. I don't want to talk. I can't see my blog now. Blurry eyes.

If the Storm Ends

What if this storm ends and I can't see you as you are now?
Raining December, stormy season
I am drifting alone for a reason
Bringing memories, of us together
What hope I have but better?
And then the rain comes, as I see
When I see you not with me
Been called with glorious name
But I feel like it's a game
Where you go by your friends
while I have to wait till the end
The people you be with, numerous
The people I go with, tears will burst
I hope for more
but only get sore
For we are nothing
out of something
I want to laugh with you as we go
I want to cry with you as we go
But I have neither reached this or that
while you have, but not with me, so sad
If the storm ends, I would walk away
I can't bear the look and words you say
If you are not here with me
so let my heart alone to be
Don't stomp my heart
and yet say never be apart
Because when I leave
there's nothing that will make me stay, with much grief
Because when I walk away
nothing will make my heart sway
If it comes down that I am a pilgrim of loneliness
Then I must continue my journey to the distance
Never stay on you for a chapter
Never be with you for any longer
If the storm ends...

Monday, December 3, 2012


Watch this video, I COMMAN YOU!!!
what? the letter 'D' is missing? that shows how much attention you spend on the video and how you ignore the video!
And please...
Rachel, from nobody to somebody, to buddy, a friend of mine, the HULK, has produced a video. Watch it and share it, scallywags!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Reynolds Much

I, forgive me for my ignorance, didn't know books can have trailers. I have never thought of how books trailers might be. And when I first saw some glimpse of Alastair Reynolds' book trailer for his latest work "Blue Remembered Earth", I was like 'wow'.

Well, I read some of the reviews of the video and although the book is on the bookshelves of every major bookstores in the world (except Malaysia, from what I know), I think pretty many people have already read it. The reviews on the video tempt me to tear through the wrapper and read it, because one of the video comments is "Reynolds' video definitely has revealed all the plots on it, if you know where to look for clues."

Wait, video with clues?

So today I went to KLCC's Kinokuniya Bookstore to search for it. In the last post, I remembered saying that the staff told me the paperback British version will only be on the shelf next year January. But today, I saw it! And without much hesitation, I bought it, in case I made the same mistake on Alastair's Chasm City, which after I hesitated, I regretted, because it took me almost 10 years to find it back.

I wanted to blue cover, like this one:

But I realised Kinokuniya has this:
I've heard from the author that the tagline "Book One of Poseidon's Children" has been removed. OK, this book is actually part of a trilogy, BUT, the stories are pretty much standalone. How can that be? It is because, when you read all three, the much larger scale of plot is unleashed. And for your info, this book plot spans from 22nd century to 11,000 years in the future.
Don't get stunned, because he wrote a book spanning up to 6 million years in the future (Though I don't really like that book, it's the weakest of all of his works)
Cool huh?
So get one now! Before you suffer the 10-year fate like me!
PS: I have now all his works! Except Zima Blue.