My colleague, named C, talked about her trip to Autocity. She was excited. She told me, "You know the place where they..."
I shook my head and gave a bitter smile, "Sorry, I have never been to Autocity."
"Wait, the last time you said you never been to Genting or Cameron, now Autocity. I wonder WHERE did you go for trip?"
At that moment, I swore I heard my heart cracks and bleeds. I managed to force out a wider smile and replied, "No, there was never a time I actually have a trip. I usually go to certain places because there is some work there, like it's Chinese New Year and I have to go back to Kedah, or going for interview so I have to go down to KL."
"Ask your friends along?"
"I don't have any friends coming along."
I turned away, faced my PC and worked the shit out of me. Because I am scared. Because my heart's weeping. What happened to me? Now I have realised I never been to a trip with anyone. Once, only because I have to back Ipoh and my friend wanted me to bring him around, so I brought him. That's not a trip. That's a convenience.
Did I go to Autocity before? No
21 years. Goddamn 21 years.
My parents said it's OK, "We will bring you around if we are able to."
And you know, the time I hang out with Vancy and Puaycian? Puaycian said, "Wow, it's the first time we all watch movies together."
I wept again.
Christmas, everyone checking in and out on foursquare or whatever square they've got. I am alone in my room designing a Warcraft Map.
Things are going to change, people keep telling. Yeah, shit they do. I want to be alone now.
Maybe I should delete my facebook account once I graduated. Maybe just deactivate.
Why people keep telling me where they go and they never invited me?
OK, gotta go now. I don't want to talk. I can't see my blog now. Blurry eyes.