WARNING: This post contains elements of SS (Syok Sendiri). Anyone suffers from SS allergies should be prevented from reading. Readers discretion advised.
Following the post of 'Whenever I am lost, I can still find you', I suddenly got 'high'.
Hey, I admit I am truthful till the end. Not like SOME people who smiles at you everyday but stabs at you every night. I don't backstab people. If you are a great person, I will treat you with all the greatness you deserve, and correct you if you take a deviated path, even if you insist on doing it.
I remembered once, a friend, A, told my friend B, that I am not a good person. I am evil. I am having a double personality, I kill to survive. And B, horrified of what I am, fled from me and followed A.
I was utterly disappointed. But, fortunately, I gathered myself up and moved my life forward. It's not like I am losing everything if B is not my friend anymore. At least, somewhere I know, there will always be one willing to listen.
And guess what, B turned back to me a couple of years later, and said, A was a jerk and I was the one truthful all time long. I didn't smile back and shouted 'NAH! I TOLD YA!'. I just patted on his shoulder and said, 'It's better you figure it out yourself. It's your heart anyway and you should listen to it. Not me.'
Then only he said, 'Whenever I am lost, I can still find you.' He was apologetic because he had damaged my reputation, people's trust on me, and backstabbed me throughout the years.
I didn't say anything. It's normal to have people doing things like that to you. I call that jealousy. Or maybe immature. But take it easy, we all are born to be selfish. I am immune to backstabbing. I have received more knives and bullets than anyone.
That's why I want people to know, despite those deception, lies and backstab, I am a loyal, trustworthy and true person which you can rely on even the whole world turn against you.
But, anyway, who cares?
Just bear in mind, I don't hurt people for fun. You can make friends with all the liars, and confused that they are the truthsayers, and condemn me. I don't care. I just don't. I am born to be a solo helper.
My heart is like a touch-and-go system. You come in and surely you will leave. I won't take a damn thing from you. I don't even want anything.
Unless...
Unless you got something I wanted.
Nah. Just to be clear, even in the muddiest water, I am still a crystal in the lake. Clean and true to the sun. =)
Y'know why I write this? Because I am proud of what I am, who I am.
See ya!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Blabbering Baboons
Hmm, sorry for the frequent posting.
Your answer is blowing in the wind.
Heard before the song? It's rather old... it starts off by saying 'How many roads must a man take, before he can be a man? The answer is blowing in the wind...'
True.
I once prayed for something that I keep on losing. For you guys out there, I think you know what I mean. ^^. The thing I craved the most. Hehehe...
No, Not Dirty Sex Money, you doofus.
Anyway~
I found my answer. LOL.
Who cares if my female friends are more than male? It shows that females are more reliable, trustworthy, comfortable to talk to, unstereotype, fun, understanding and God knows what else.
Bah... for all those males who read this, go and rethink about it! LOL!
I don't mean all males are bad by the way. Some, like my bro Amirul, buddy Fizan, Andy and Isaac are a few who are actually not bad by the way. Hmm. Some of them are ready to help even though I called them in the middle of the night.
Some even asked me about my health from time to time.
So, I don't care about my wish anymore.
Because, those who 'care' about me this semester:
Dominance
Andy
Faruq
Penny
Qi Wen
WeiWei...
You have made me a better person!
Not best friends, but the best of friends...
Love you guys!
Just love the fact that there are still people standing side by side when you think you are alone. =)
Your answer is blowing in the wind.
Heard before the song? It's rather old... it starts off by saying 'How many roads must a man take, before he can be a man? The answer is blowing in the wind...'
True.
I once prayed for something that I keep on losing. For you guys out there, I think you know what I mean. ^^. The thing I craved the most. Hehehe...
No, Not Dirty Sex Money, you doofus.
Anyway~
I found my answer. LOL.
Who cares if my female friends are more than male? It shows that females are more reliable, trustworthy, comfortable to talk to, unstereotype, fun, understanding and God knows what else.
Bah... for all those males who read this, go and rethink about it! LOL!
I don't mean all males are bad by the way. Some, like my bro Amirul, buddy Fizan, Andy and Isaac are a few who are actually not bad by the way. Hmm. Some of them are ready to help even though I called them in the middle of the night.
Some even asked me about my health from time to time.
So, I don't care about my wish anymore.
Because, those who 'care' about me this semester:
Dominance
Andy
Faruq
Penny
Qi Wen
WeiWei...
You have made me a better person!
Not best friends, but the best of friends...
Love you guys!
Just love the fact that there are still people standing side by side when you think you are alone. =)
Dreams Cannot Come True
Evening comes with an 8pm!
Woots.
Funny how nap turns out to be un'real' when it happens just right after I woke up! LOL. Wonderful things does happen to me!
Haha...
Eh, don't worry folks, I am not mentally disorder. I just can't stop laughing at the fact that my friend kena bumped, just like my dreams, where I was the one bumping.
Invert dreams. I suppose my recent mind degeneration makes this psychic huh! Haha....
And, oh yeah, I found something in my drawer which I have lost a long time ago! It's a small booklet where I wrote my dreams about it.
Hmm... since last decade, every dream I dreamt didn't come true. Haha, but it happens on somewhat tweak incident.
And guess what, I didn't just dream about the bump, I dreamt about something else as well, and now I happily accept the fate that my dreams are bound NOT to come true. The result is positive. Hypothesis accepted!
And that dream just now, make me realise, I have been in my wonderland for almost two semester. One semester and 2 weeks, if you want to be precise. LOL... and I finally release myself from my cognitive grasp!
Haha... thanks to Y, I am able to reintegrate myself.
And I now know that the Cycle has ended and another has yet to be kickstart! Weeee~~~
So, if any of you wishes me 'May your dream come true!' I would reply 'I am the exceptional case!'
Till again, ciao!
Woots.
Funny how nap turns out to be un'real' when it happens just right after I woke up! LOL. Wonderful things does happen to me!
Haha...
Eh, don't worry folks, I am not mentally disorder. I just can't stop laughing at the fact that my friend kena bumped, just like my dreams, where I was the one bumping.
Invert dreams. I suppose my recent mind degeneration makes this psychic huh! Haha....
And, oh yeah, I found something in my drawer which I have lost a long time ago! It's a small booklet where I wrote my dreams about it.
Hmm... since last decade, every dream I dreamt didn't come true. Haha, but it happens on somewhat tweak incident.
And guess what, I didn't just dream about the bump, I dreamt about something else as well, and now I happily accept the fate that my dreams are bound NOT to come true. The result is positive. Hypothesis accepted!
And that dream just now, make me realise, I have been in my wonderland for almost two semester. One semester and 2 weeks, if you want to be precise. LOL... and I finally release myself from my cognitive grasp!
Haha... thanks to Y, I am able to reintegrate myself.
And I now know that the Cycle has ended and another has yet to be kickstart! Weeee~~~
So, if any of you wishes me 'May your dream come true!' I would reply 'I am the exceptional case!'
Till again, ciao!
=(
Today, I woke up extremely early. Suddenly, there was a subconcious in my mind, asking me to look for a letter, a message, or a tiny piece of paper by my doorstep. I scuffled through the carpet and outside the dining area.
There was nothing.
A subconcious that tells me someone might leave something there for me.
Then, I headed back to my desk and studied my Financial Accounting for the last time before the exams. Then something peculiar happened again: my subconscious directed me to look out my doorstep again.
I ignored it and studied.
Then during the examinations, my instinct told me my phone rang when I was having the exam. There was such an anxiety that you might call before you leave. It was a struggle between temptation and completion. And I chose completion. I completed the exam.
Then, I rushed home.
I used to have a habit of staying in school longer time than usual to meet up my friends, but today wasn't my day, I don't know why. My subcomcious rang in my mind to rush home and check my Facebook or Handphone.
When I reached home, the first thing I did was looking around the dining area, looking for a letter, message or paper. Or anything unusual.
Nothing.
So I sighed, opened my door, checking my doorstep had no papers (cause I thought someone might slip in something into my room) and I switched on the fan and checked my Facebook.
Nothing.
Then Mr Soong rang up and asked me to go for lunch. I invited WeiWei and NienLee along. And we went to Grand Kampar Hotel. And oh, before that, I managed to send a goodbye note to you, to confirm that you already left Kampar. You replied. So I guess no point waiting for any letters or what. That's why I went with the group for lunch.
When I came back around 3.30pm, my wallet LITERALLY dropped to the ground. There was a file at my doorstep, with your initials on it.
I trembled. And I opened it.
I opened my door much later and carefully placed the file on my desk. My heart already collapsed.
Do you know how it feels like when someone you thought has left, but left you a small thing behind at your doorstep?
It only happens in the movies. But this time, I am the one taking it.
The feeling was... bad. I feel a sudden sadness washed over my mind and body. I was imagining you coming up my stairs, knocking at my room door for one last time meeting and you failed. You found out I was away. And you placed that file at my doorstep.
I don't know how you feel at that time. But now, I can't shake off that feeling in me.
I am sorry I can't meet you one last time. I thought of rushing back home from the exam might have a chance to meet you again before you go. But it didn't happen. Instead, you came when I was away.
I am not feeling quite happy now. I am sad.
Why? Why you want...?
Should I trust my instincts next time? Should I believe my subconcious?
I don't know.
Till now, I am still trembling...
Never mind, I will keep your file. I take it as your gift to me. Thanks.
Till we meet again. I hope.
There was nothing.
A subconcious that tells me someone might leave something there for me.
Then, I headed back to my desk and studied my Financial Accounting for the last time before the exams. Then something peculiar happened again: my subconscious directed me to look out my doorstep again.
I ignored it and studied.
Then during the examinations, my instinct told me my phone rang when I was having the exam. There was such an anxiety that you might call before you leave. It was a struggle between temptation and completion. And I chose completion. I completed the exam.
Then, I rushed home.
I used to have a habit of staying in school longer time than usual to meet up my friends, but today wasn't my day, I don't know why. My subcomcious rang in my mind to rush home and check my Facebook or Handphone.
When I reached home, the first thing I did was looking around the dining area, looking for a letter, message or paper. Or anything unusual.
Nothing.
So I sighed, opened my door, checking my doorstep had no papers (cause I thought someone might slip in something into my room) and I switched on the fan and checked my Facebook.
Nothing.
Then Mr Soong rang up and asked me to go for lunch. I invited WeiWei and NienLee along. And we went to Grand Kampar Hotel. And oh, before that, I managed to send a goodbye note to you, to confirm that you already left Kampar. You replied. So I guess no point waiting for any letters or what. That's why I went with the group for lunch.
When I came back around 3.30pm, my wallet LITERALLY dropped to the ground. There was a file at my doorstep, with your initials on it.
I trembled. And I opened it.
I opened my door much later and carefully placed the file on my desk. My heart already collapsed.
Do you know how it feels like when someone you thought has left, but left you a small thing behind at your doorstep?
It only happens in the movies. But this time, I am the one taking it.
The feeling was... bad. I feel a sudden sadness washed over my mind and body. I was imagining you coming up my stairs, knocking at my room door for one last time meeting and you failed. You found out I was away. And you placed that file at my doorstep.
I don't know how you feel at that time. But now, I can't shake off that feeling in me.
I am sorry I can't meet you one last time. I thought of rushing back home from the exam might have a chance to meet you again before you go. But it didn't happen. Instead, you came when I was away.
I am not feeling quite happy now. I am sad.
Why? Why you want...?
Should I trust my instincts next time? Should I believe my subconcious?
I don't know.
Till now, I am still trembling...
Never mind, I will keep your file. I take it as your gift to me. Thanks.
Till we meet again. I hope.
It's Kinda Hard
Nah, I ain't talking about the exams. I talking about other thing else.
It's kinda hard to stand at the crossroad, figuring out where to go when someone else already walk it out for you.
It's kinda hard when you thought you have found someone so long and yet they just leave you in silence.
It's kinda hard to treat someone well but they seemed to be in a rush to throw you away.
It's kinda hard to let someone go just to allow another person in.
It's kinda hard to imagine facing the world alone.
It's kinda hard what you hope for becomes your own disappointment.
It's kinda hard when you thought you touch someone's heart and they just tell you to 'buzz off'.
It's kinda hard that every effort you made is unnoticeable and yet be blamed for every thing.
It's kinda hard to know that certain promises you keep breaks because of the interference of other parties.
It's kinda hard.... =(
It's kinda hard to stand at the crossroad, figuring out where to go when someone else already walk it out for you.
It's kinda hard when you thought you have found someone so long and yet they just leave you in silence.
It's kinda hard to treat someone well but they seemed to be in a rush to throw you away.
It's kinda hard to let someone go just to allow another person in.
It's kinda hard to imagine facing the world alone.
It's kinda hard what you hope for becomes your own disappointment.
It's kinda hard when you thought you touch someone's heart and they just tell you to 'buzz off'.
It's kinda hard that every effort you made is unnoticeable and yet be blamed for every thing.
It's kinda hard to know that certain promises you keep breaks because of the interference of other parties.
It's kinda hard.... =(
Friday, April 29, 2011
Life Flows
We hatched from our own eggs and we started swimming.
At first we were in a small stream, full of love and care given by our parents, friends and relatives at our most naive days. Then, we made our great journey. Like salmons, we have to swim to our destination.
Life is like that.
We are now at a phase of dangerous river, where water gushes and bends sharply around large boulders. There, you have two choices: ONE, you stand on your own feet and cross the river by stepping above the rocks, avoiding any rushing currents to drown you down. TWO, you swim about every rock, agile and ever creative, just to bypass some rocks and still go on.
Either way you choose, it makes you special.
Our life ends when we reach the ocean, where the world is larger, more beautiful, complicated and intoxicating. But we still have to go through dangerous channels and flows before we can reach the ocean.
Now, first thing first: did you remember how you manage to start your first swim?
Was it
You standing by the river, not daring to take even a step of cold water?
You waiting by the shore, hoping the river current would slow down for you?
You just dashed into the river and just swim without thinking?
You just swam and never cared about anything else?
Either way, you must have successfully stepped into the river by now. If you aren't and you are still in your tweenage, then I suggest you to do something about it. Life is not going to wait for you.
Don't wait till the river runs dry and you start weeping over.
Grab the life, plunge into it, enjoy the coolness and swim in it!
At first we were in a small stream, full of love and care given by our parents, friends and relatives at our most naive days. Then, we made our great journey. Like salmons, we have to swim to our destination.
Life is like that.
We are now at a phase of dangerous river, where water gushes and bends sharply around large boulders. There, you have two choices: ONE, you stand on your own feet and cross the river by stepping above the rocks, avoiding any rushing currents to drown you down. TWO, you swim about every rock, agile and ever creative, just to bypass some rocks and still go on.
Either way you choose, it makes you special.
Our life ends when we reach the ocean, where the world is larger, more beautiful, complicated and intoxicating. But we still have to go through dangerous channels and flows before we can reach the ocean.
Now, first thing first: did you remember how you manage to start your first swim?
Was it
You standing by the river, not daring to take even a step of cold water?
You waiting by the shore, hoping the river current would slow down for you?
You just dashed into the river and just swim without thinking?
You just swam and never cared about anything else?
Either way, you must have successfully stepped into the river by now. If you aren't and you are still in your tweenage, then I suggest you to do something about it. Life is not going to wait for you.
Don't wait till the river runs dry and you start weeping over.
Grab the life, plunge into it, enjoy the coolness and swim in it!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Found
I don't recall whether I have another blogpost with the same title or the opposite (LOST), but hey, anyway, I am feeling a bit different today.
If you have read my Facebook, then I think you should know what I am going to write.
OK, many (or a few, I can't be sure) friends know that I am quite 'fatherly' or 'brotherly' in relationships. Now, everytime, since secondary 2 I am already like that, no doubt. And I sometimes do hope people to understand why am I doing this.
This day, one of my friends said 'Whenever I am lost, I can always find you.'
It was touching indeed to finally have someone understands. I am going to like, relieved or something. I don't know how it feels like, but anyway, it feels great.
Thanks for your faith upon me, friend. I wish you well in the future and I will keep my promise that I will forever at your back supporting you.
Adios
If you have read my Facebook, then I think you should know what I am going to write.
OK, many (or a few, I can't be sure) friends know that I am quite 'fatherly' or 'brotherly' in relationships. Now, everytime, since secondary 2 I am already like that, no doubt. And I sometimes do hope people to understand why am I doing this.
This day, one of my friends said 'Whenever I am lost, I can always find you.'
It was touching indeed to finally have someone understands. I am going to like, relieved or something. I don't know how it feels like, but anyway, it feels great.
Thanks for your faith upon me, friend. I wish you well in the future and I will keep my promise that I will forever at your back supporting you.
Adios
Aging
I am aging. Serious. Maybe my brain worn out fast. Lately I found out that I tend to forget people's names, faces, things and even where my possessions kept. Dementia? I dunno.
I am worried.
I talked to one of my friends today (or maybe a mind-tamer?) and I told him about my condition. He told me that, indeed, my mind is aging quicker than expected. And that has something to do with what I've done during this semester.
It's true. I have been more focused than before. Friendship, family, finance, events, performance, skills etc, all these has diverted all my mind power away, rendering my mind vulnerable to aging.
I am overly protective over many issues. That also made me use my mind much. I no longer speak correct sentences. I barely even speak some sense. Now, I talked pointless blabbers more than anything else.
My philosophies ideas stopped channeling in my mind. I stopped writing songs. It's like I am changing, or a monster has consumed my mind away.
My friend also told me, there is a possibility that some of my skills actually 'diffuse' into other close friends, making my mental power to deteriorate over time.
True?
I am worried.
I talked to one of my friends today (or maybe a mind-tamer?) and I told him about my condition. He told me that, indeed, my mind is aging quicker than expected. And that has something to do with what I've done during this semester.
It's true. I have been more focused than before. Friendship, family, finance, events, performance, skills etc, all these has diverted all my mind power away, rendering my mind vulnerable to aging.
I am overly protective over many issues. That also made me use my mind much. I no longer speak correct sentences. I barely even speak some sense. Now, I talked pointless blabbers more than anything else.
My philosophies ideas stopped channeling in my mind. I stopped writing songs. It's like I am changing, or a monster has consumed my mind away.
My friend also told me, there is a possibility that some of my skills actually 'diffuse' into other close friends, making my mental power to deteriorate over time.
True?
Friday, April 22, 2011
Bang 'n' Dang
It's been quite some time since I blogged properly, and even longer time since I am back Ipoh. About 12 weeks. Dang, I shouldn't calculate it. My hair is getting longer and thicker by the day. I think by next week I am able to comb a Elvis Presley's hairstyle. No joke, man.
Speaking of hairstyles, JuanWyn suggested that I have a mohawk hairstyle. Later, in an entirely independent situation, WeiZhi said the same thing. When photographing with Dominance, YiChing told me the same thing again.
Well, excuse me, does Mohawk hairstyle really suits me? Look, I am having a wavy hairstyle (I STILL DOWAN to admit my hair is curly), and if I were to have a mohawk hairstyle, I must straightened my hair? I dunno. I am seriously not into fashion. As long as I wear smart, look smart and... smart, then I don't care.
Plus, how to comb a mohawk hair? Takes how long? Exact estimate (oxymoron here) please.
Since last week's beach party and another last week, (OK, two weeks ago) I realised that, every single truth about me has been blurted out to one person. I don't know why. I just think that, it's time to let people know I have been not myself this semester.
And gladly, I manage to solve many misunderstandings and conflicts for these two weeks and still find that relationships aren't jeopardised as I thought. Phew. If not, I will lose another more than one friend.
Right, Ms Kavitha once said, diary log is supposed to be private, but why write blog and let everyone sees? Well... narcissistic? I dunno. Dang, what's wrong with me nowadays? I am having a serious personality change.
First, I am studying super harder than I thought.
Second, I smile more than previous semesters.
Third, I suddenly become high profile.
Fourth, I lost someone when I get another.
Fifth, I become more and more dependent and caring.
OMG...
Next semester, I have a lot of events coming up, and guess what, Ms Kuah from Business Finance wants to learn piano from me. Right, that's a way bit awkward...
Private, but not so private post:
I wanted to have him as my private student. The one with 3 girls one. He seems OK, willing to learn and smart. But I think I shouldn't have him. Conflicting emotions now.
I rarely sleep tight nowadays, thinking about this and that, these and those.
With another week, JuanWyn is leaving for hometown and Setapak, F is also leaving, SS is transferring to another college. Why, this is a hell lot of me to swallow when my person is about more to others than to myself.
I thank another friend who cares about me and hope to discover my fullest potential.
I thank Isaac for willing to listen to my words when I have something to say.
I thank WeiWei for teman-ing me in many difficult situations
I thank JuanWyn for this semester
I thank Steph for the study group
I thank everyone.
It's week 14 people. And it's the final day of the week.
I promised myself that
One day, I am going to meet all my great friends I have made. I promised.
I have only treated three person as my own brothers, one has failed me, another two remaining. I will, as I promised to the 'authority' that I will continue to guide them and help them.
It's about them, not me.
Alright, that's the cost of unable to online. If not, this blog will separate into 4 different titles. So guys, prefer me to be online or offline? LOL
Speaking of hairstyles, JuanWyn suggested that I have a mohawk hairstyle. Later, in an entirely independent situation, WeiZhi said the same thing. When photographing with Dominance, YiChing told me the same thing again.
Well, excuse me, does Mohawk hairstyle really suits me? Look, I am having a wavy hairstyle (I STILL DOWAN to admit my hair is curly), and if I were to have a mohawk hairstyle, I must straightened my hair? I dunno. I am seriously not into fashion. As long as I wear smart, look smart and... smart, then I don't care.
Plus, how to comb a mohawk hair? Takes how long? Exact estimate (oxymoron here) please.
Since last week's beach party and another last week, (OK, two weeks ago) I realised that, every single truth about me has been blurted out to one person. I don't know why. I just think that, it's time to let people know I have been not myself this semester.
And gladly, I manage to solve many misunderstandings and conflicts for these two weeks and still find that relationships aren't jeopardised as I thought. Phew. If not, I will lose another more than one friend.
Right, Ms Kavitha once said, diary log is supposed to be private, but why write blog and let everyone sees? Well... narcissistic? I dunno. Dang, what's wrong with me nowadays? I am having a serious personality change.
First, I am studying super harder than I thought.
Second, I smile more than previous semesters.
Third, I suddenly become high profile.
Fourth, I lost someone when I get another.
Fifth, I become more and more dependent and caring.
OMG...
Next semester, I have a lot of events coming up, and guess what, Ms Kuah from Business Finance wants to learn piano from me. Right, that's a way bit awkward...
Private, but not so private post:
I wanted to have him as my private student. The one with 3 girls one. He seems OK, willing to learn and smart. But I think I shouldn't have him. Conflicting emotions now.
I rarely sleep tight nowadays, thinking about this and that, these and those.
With another week, JuanWyn is leaving for hometown and Setapak, F is also leaving, SS is transferring to another college. Why, this is a hell lot of me to swallow when my person is about more to others than to myself.
I thank another friend who cares about me and hope to discover my fullest potential.
I thank Isaac for willing to listen to my words when I have something to say.
I thank WeiWei for teman-ing me in many difficult situations
I thank JuanWyn for this semester
I thank Steph for the study group
I thank everyone.
It's week 14 people. And it's the final day of the week.
I promised myself that
One day, I am going to meet all my great friends I have made. I promised.
I have only treated three person as my own brothers, one has failed me, another two remaining. I will, as I promised to the 'authority' that I will continue to guide them and help them.
It's about them, not me.
Alright, that's the cost of unable to online. If not, this blog will separate into 4 different titles. So guys, prefer me to be online or offline? LOL
Friday, April 15, 2011
Crack-a-Doom
After that freak storm on Sunday, my house Modem got blasted. So I have been offline till now. Bet you all feeling relieved that no one going to spam FB walls and blogs huh? Well, too bad, I am back. But only for now. My Modem isn't replaced.
Guess what, I've dropped 2.5kg in 4 days. Know why? I ate only 2 meals. 1 at Vegas with JuanWyn and his friends, and another just yesterday. Puasa? I don't know. I am feeling, erm, strange. I feel like I don't wanna eat for the rest of my life.
Maybe something has caught up on me. Maybe because I can't face the fact that so many of my friends are leaving me this semester. Nah, all these are just TTM. Till now I still cannot figure out what's gone wrong with me.
Maybe someone was right. I shouldn't help people too much till I forgot about myself. Hmm.
It's really been a shock in my life.
I felt sorry for so many people all of a sudden, as if I am going to leave them. I was like OMG. That's totally not me.
And one more thing, I realised I have been under a person's care, just like what I always did to some people in my life. Because of that person, I became an MC, Manager, Performer and Planner.
I thank you.
Each and everyone.
You all deserve my thanks and apologies.
AEE
FAE
BEEF
Guess what, I've dropped 2.5kg in 4 days. Know why? I ate only 2 meals. 1 at Vegas with JuanWyn and his friends, and another just yesterday. Puasa? I don't know. I am feeling, erm, strange. I feel like I don't wanna eat for the rest of my life.
Maybe something has caught up on me. Maybe because I can't face the fact that so many of my friends are leaving me this semester. Nah, all these are just TTM. Till now I still cannot figure out what's gone wrong with me.
Maybe someone was right. I shouldn't help people too much till I forgot about myself. Hmm.
It's really been a shock in my life.
I felt sorry for so many people all of a sudden, as if I am going to leave them. I was like OMG. That's totally not me.
And one more thing, I realised I have been under a person's care, just like what I always did to some people in my life. Because of that person, I became an MC, Manager, Performer and Planner.
I thank you.
Each and everyone.
You all deserve my thanks and apologies.
AEE
FAE
BEEF
Saturday, April 9, 2011
From Attached to Detached
Alright! Just love studying right now because I am studying with Steph, Tanning and Isaac. Woots. Today is the super-est. Squeezing our mind, creating self-theories and assumptions about Accounting 'Shares and Debentures' for entire 4 and a half hours. I never studied that long time before. And guess what, there wasn't any break in between.
Woots squared.
Well, let's say this morning I started off by having breakfast with LingShiau, and then renew my Smartcard for RM50 (T.T). Then I DotA-ed for one game before Steph came yelling my name at my house. LOL.
Oh yeah, I forgot one thing: Faruq SUDDENLY chat with me via FB. I was like, 'wow'. And he asked me whether I am going to Setapak after this semester. I was like, 'huh'.
This wasn't the first time he 'confused' or 'linked' my stuff and JuanWyn's. I mean, what the heaven? Last night I went for dinner with him, he also asked me about JuanWyn's stuff. How am I supposed to know? Orang punya private stuff, I have no rights to know man!
This 'connection' between me and JuanWyn is seriously overdone by Faruq. Every time he sees me, he sure asked, 'Eh? JuanWyn leh?' Or, 'Have you met JuanWyn lately?'. OK, even DomDom felt weird. LOL. What's me going to do with JuanWyn (he even pronounced the name wrongly)?
So this day, I asked him, 'Why you keep linking me and JuanWyn together?'
He said, 'I actually realised I like to link you both, cause you guys look like brothers... hahahaha'
I asked 'Err, which point look like brothers?? @.@'
He replied, 'I mean you guys face look alike.'
*pengsan tros*
Then, (maybe I am doing Hypothesis Testing in my maths for too long) I asked Isaac, 'That Faruq ah, said me and JuanWyn look alike wor...'
(Notice the way I speak English here. XD)
Isaac nodded seriously, 'Yeah, you both got a bit look alike. Both of you have the same style.'
Tanning also agreed.
Err, opinions, anyone? Who's speaking the truth?
From attached to detached. I told myself don't attach to so many people. Detaching them one by one so that I will be free to do whatever I want to. But this little Faruq seemed to be making me wanna attach me back to everything I have detached.
Argh.
Woots squared.
Well, let's say this morning I started off by having breakfast with LingShiau, and then renew my Smartcard for RM50 (T.T). Then I DotA-ed for one game before Steph came yelling my name at my house. LOL.
Oh yeah, I forgot one thing: Faruq SUDDENLY chat with me via FB. I was like, 'wow'. And he asked me whether I am going to Setapak after this semester. I was like, 'huh'.
This wasn't the first time he 'confused' or 'linked' my stuff and JuanWyn's. I mean, what the heaven? Last night I went for dinner with him, he also asked me about JuanWyn's stuff. How am I supposed to know? Orang punya private stuff, I have no rights to know man!
This 'connection' between me and JuanWyn is seriously overdone by Faruq. Every time he sees me, he sure asked, 'Eh? JuanWyn leh?' Or, 'Have you met JuanWyn lately?'. OK, even DomDom felt weird. LOL. What's me going to do with JuanWyn (he even pronounced the name wrongly)?
So this day, I asked him, 'Why you keep linking me and JuanWyn together?'
He said, 'I actually realised I like to link you both, cause you guys look like brothers... hahahaha'
I asked 'Err, which point look like brothers?? @.@'
He replied, 'I mean you guys face look alike.'
*pengsan tros*
Then, (maybe I am doing Hypothesis Testing in my maths for too long) I asked Isaac, 'That Faruq ah, said me and JuanWyn look alike wor...'
(Notice the way I speak English here. XD)
Isaac nodded seriously, 'Yeah, you both got a bit look alike. Both of you have the same style.'
Tanning also agreed.
Err, opinions, anyone? Who's speaking the truth?
From attached to detached. I told myself don't attach to so many people. Detaching them one by one so that I will be free to do whatever I want to. But this little Faruq seemed to be making me wanna attach me back to everything I have detached.
Argh.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Congratulations
Oops, I am not congratulating anybody except me. Congratulations, Neruvatar, your ego has finally eaten you up. Go and see your crowd's standing ovation.
Good. I was (am?) appreciative to anyone appearing in my life. I don't let that go easily when I have a chance to be grateful. If I don't, I can't live up my life. But recently, I held my ego high and refused to do this, say that to SOMEBODY.
Why?
Because I am an egotistical sanctimonious prick. I wasn't like this before. What made me? Or who made me like this? Seriously, if anyone feeling guilty, please send me a private message. I need to know. Thanks, in advance.
OK, fine. Know what I did? I completely stand up as a 'king' in my own world, showing off with my capabilities or my LanC-ness. This isn't my type. What went wrong with me this semester? Some parasitic alien invaded my mind and changed my neural topology (me and my crazed science fiction elements)?
Humble and humility... please...
Argh, I suddenly feel like being consumed by my pride and ego. It's hard. I wanna talk to somebody how I feel right now. My mum? My dad? But I will be talking to them about happy things. I don't want them to know I am 'stressed out' right now. Friends? If friends, who will listen? My dear Faruq? Puaycian? Sockthing? Andy? WeiWei?
@.@
Argh.
Good. I was (am?) appreciative to anyone appearing in my life. I don't let that go easily when I have a chance to be grateful. If I don't, I can't live up my life. But recently, I held my ego high and refused to do this, say that to SOMEBODY.
Why?
Because I am an egotistical sanctimonious prick. I wasn't like this before. What made me? Or who made me like this? Seriously, if anyone feeling guilty, please send me a private message. I need to know. Thanks, in advance.
OK, fine. Know what I did? I completely stand up as a 'king' in my own world, showing off with my capabilities or my LanC-ness. This isn't my type. What went wrong with me this semester? Some parasitic alien invaded my mind and changed my neural topology (me and my crazed science fiction elements)?
Humble and humility... please...
Argh, I suddenly feel like being consumed by my pride and ego. It's hard. I wanna talk to somebody how I feel right now. My mum? My dad? But I will be talking to them about happy things. I don't want them to know I am 'stressed out' right now. Friends? If friends, who will listen? My dear Faruq? Puaycian? Sockthing? Andy? WeiWei?
@.@
Argh.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Letting Go
Letting go is harder than picking up. Mostly because humans are possessive-crazed. Once we want something, or got something want, we will never let it go. Positive thing, though, but it still kills.
Famous situation is about love and romance. You can't let it go easily because you are emotionally attached to the person you love. But do you know, letting go sometimes will let you hold more in the future?
After letting myself go, in my hands, more and more projects and events are pouring in as event consultant, event planner, head of departments. Sounds tempting. But I only chose three out of those. Why? Because I know, I may have the best mind and mouth, but I have a pair of poor hands.
Knowing your weakness is a key. And people keep saying 'Correct your weaknesses.' But for me, 'I change my weakness into strength'. Don't get it or me wrong. What I mean is, certain weakness I still keep it. I won't change it. And I use it when time is necessary.
Consider myself a chatterbox, at least I can use that to wake people up, change people's perspective and behaviour. I remembered I successfully helped a super duper bad and naughty student during my secondary school days into someone brand new till he never bullied anyone and behaved properly.
I am not blowing any trumpets (or playing any piano, if you insist) here. I am merely pointing out the fact that letting go of yourself to embrace the others is a very good thing.
I am shy. Seriously shy. I don't go out and shout out publicly, find some officers to talk with or even pay my rental (this was an old case, I am no longer like this). But shy has its positiveness. It stops you from reaching too high till you forget where you stand. It stops you from getting killed before you know.
Now, multiple projects have landed into my hand, with one of them I am being fully in-charged. It was unexpected. But I have to do it. I got unwanted positions, states and situations all the time, especially once I got the post of 'Kebersihan', but so what? I finally enjoy it.
Don't frus and fret over undesired options. Go and frus and fret over your frus and fret behaviour. No one is 100% perfect. And don't be perfect. Perfect guys or girls are hard to communicate.
Be there, let go, embrace, enjoy. B.L.E.E.
Famous situation is about love and romance. You can't let it go easily because you are emotionally attached to the person you love. But do you know, letting go sometimes will let you hold more in the future?
After letting myself go, in my hands, more and more projects and events are pouring in as event consultant, event planner, head of departments. Sounds tempting. But I only chose three out of those. Why? Because I know, I may have the best mind and mouth, but I have a pair of poor hands.
Knowing your weakness is a key. And people keep saying 'Correct your weaknesses.' But for me, 'I change my weakness into strength'. Don't get it or me wrong. What I mean is, certain weakness I still keep it. I won't change it. And I use it when time is necessary.
Consider myself a chatterbox, at least I can use that to wake people up, change people's perspective and behaviour. I remembered I successfully helped a super duper bad and naughty student during my secondary school days into someone brand new till he never bullied anyone and behaved properly.
I am not blowing any trumpets (or playing any piano, if you insist) here. I am merely pointing out the fact that letting go of yourself to embrace the others is a very good thing.
I am shy. Seriously shy. I don't go out and shout out publicly, find some officers to talk with or even pay my rental (this was an old case, I am no longer like this). But shy has its positiveness. It stops you from reaching too high till you forget where you stand. It stops you from getting killed before you know.
Now, multiple projects have landed into my hand, with one of them I am being fully in-charged. It was unexpected. But I have to do it. I got unwanted positions, states and situations all the time, especially once I got the post of 'Kebersihan', but so what? I finally enjoy it.
Don't frus and fret over undesired options. Go and frus and fret over your frus and fret behaviour. No one is 100% perfect. And don't be perfect. Perfect guys or girls are hard to communicate.
Be there, let go, embrace, enjoy. B.L.E.E.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I Am Sorry
It's not that I hate you. I just can't like you. The distance is not far, but my mind tells me so. Meeting and knowing you is the best part of my life recently, but getting any closer is really impossible for us as you have your reasons and I have mine.
I have once a wish, but now it's a fool's wish. I thought about this and that, and refraining myself from TTM, I still find that it is hard to communicate. You never try to understand how people reacts or feels, but people always try to understand you.
You know how tough it is for two or more people to understand each other? Trust is not the only thing that builds a bridge, it's words that counts. You don't express much and it is making me feel like I am talking to a wall, or maybe a super-intelligent robot.
I seek your forgiveness in everything I have done or said, I never thought things could spiral out of control like this. You are no doubt a person who tries to be neutral in everything, but sometimes, you need to shift some allegiance. That's what I am hoping for.
I know I cannot compete with the one next to you. And I know time is running out between us. So, I choose to retreat. I don't want to make this any more difficult than ever. I want you to have a happy life and a happy companion.
I failed terribly on you.
Thanks for the memories. Will never forget you.
From,
Your heartbroken one
Monday, April 4, 2011
Dark Ice
OK, whatever it is, I am dark - figuratively and literally - and I am cold - physiologically and psychologically. And BY THE WAY, I am not EMO-ing till I turn dark and cold, like dark ice. It's just, I am not serious in certain things and now I need a change. Ha.
The feeling of losing a friend is immuned for now, as expected. I thought I cannot cope with it, but before MPO, I can. I realise that there are more people to come.
Wee, waiting for the T-Shirt to arrive and I will wear it as often as I can. [OK, that does not sound like me]
But hey, I enjoy my life now. Far better than earlier of this semester. Woots. Count as a progress? No, I think it is a regress. I am supposed to be like this. Silly thinking of those useless people...
OK, I know this blogpost is a bit scattered and shattered, or fragmented, but who cares? It's my blog anyway. You wanna read it then you have to bear the risk of pening kepala.
And oh, one more thing. I am OFFICIALLY being bullied.
(1) Mr Soong keeps asking me to find a girlfriend.
(2) My friends (WeiWei and Kelly and even MR SOONG) keep saying I am in a romantic relationship with Faruq
Faint faint faint faint...
Me. MinZ, Dark Ice Arising
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra = Money Pouring Occasion
Right, slept at 2am Sunday and woke up at 5am on the same day. Then WeiFa had already arrived my house by 6am, making me rushed through my bath and cloth. Then we got ready with those formal shirts and food, we walked to school together with WeiWei by 7.10am.
I don't know. I stop crapping here and skipped everything to where the 'adventure' began.
We reached KLCC and we went for lunch at Sushi King (which sadly/gladly is my 2nd time to any Sushi King outlets). And gosh, I ordered Salmon Steak at RM19.90, yet to be discounted by the sponsored RM7. LOL. Tasty but super full (all thanks to Mr Soong who 'willingly' 'donated' half the bowl of rice to me)
Then we went to MPO. Alice Sara Ott. Woots. Nice hair flipping but not energetic enough. I was wishing myself going up the stage and helped her. OMG... fantasizing... and one of the violinists looks smart enough to capture WeiWei and my attention. LOL. But... when... haizzzz.......
Then went to Sungai Wang Plaza. Spent money at Teppanyaki. Excuse me, I regretted ordering that Ebi Soba. My God. So oily and tasteless. Like drinking oiled sky juice. Disgusting. But the feeling was offset by the presence of WENGYEW!!! Weeee~~~ Long time no see, that made us all super happy...
Haha, yeah that's a summary.
One more thing, KL loves our money. Besides that RM19.90 sushi set, I spent another RM14.05 for the Teppanyaki, RM5.50 (but still Wengyew treated us) for the Wrap Food (dunno what's it called) and RM0.20 for entering the washroom.
=.=
So, I am officially broke now. MOMMY!!! Bank in money please!!!
I don't know. I stop crapping here and skipped everything to where the 'adventure' began.
We reached KLCC and we went for lunch at Sushi King (which sadly/gladly is my 2nd time to any Sushi King outlets). And gosh, I ordered Salmon Steak at RM19.90, yet to be discounted by the sponsored RM7. LOL. Tasty but super full (all thanks to Mr Soong who 'willingly' 'donated' half the bowl of rice to me)
Then we went to MPO. Alice Sara Ott. Woots. Nice hair flipping but not energetic enough. I was wishing myself going up the stage and helped her. OMG... fantasizing... and one of the violinists looks smart enough to capture WeiWei and my attention. LOL. But... when... haizzzz.......
Then went to Sungai Wang Plaza. Spent money at Teppanyaki. Excuse me, I regretted ordering that Ebi Soba. My God. So oily and tasteless. Like drinking oiled sky juice. Disgusting. But the feeling was offset by the presence of WENGYEW!!! Weeee~~~ Long time no see, that made us all super happy...
Haha, yeah that's a summary.
One more thing, KL loves our money. Besides that RM19.90 sushi set, I spent another RM14.05 for the Teppanyaki, RM5.50 (but still Wengyew treated us) for the Wrap Food (dunno what's it called) and RM0.20 for entering the washroom.
=.=
So, I am officially broke now. MOMMY!!! Bank in money please!!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Bo Jio
Bo Jio.
This is a common term around me nowadays.
"Jom. Yumcha!"
"Bojio..."
What is this? I am not very good in Hokkien before, but because of my amazing adaptability (SS-ing), I still got the meaning of Bo Jio successfully. *clap clap*
It's kinda hard to find someone to have a meal with me quietly. Whenever I jio someone, others sure will shout "BOJIO!". Whoa, don't tell me I have to jio everyone else. Some are even worse. They hint hint you, keep on posting those status to tempt you to jio them. If you don't jio them, the outcome would be the same "BOJIO!"
Argh.
I wonder last time when they had meal and yumchas together, how many times they didn't jio me. HAHA. I am not vengeful, but I am merely pointing out the fact that, it's not that I bojio you guys, it's because, err, I don't feel like jio you guys. Why? Several reasons. LanC; limited topic; unsuitable topic; busy; studying etc.
That's why, I sure jio those who sure will come out, like QiWen, WeiWei, DomDom etc.
OK OK, fine, blame me on my poor timing. I don't care. I am just trying my best to reduce to shouts of "BOJIO!!!"
This is a common term around me nowadays.
"Jom. Yumcha!"
"Bojio..."
What is this? I am not very good in Hokkien before, but because of my amazing adaptability (SS-ing), I still got the meaning of Bo Jio successfully. *clap clap*
It's kinda hard to find someone to have a meal with me quietly. Whenever I jio someone, others sure will shout "BOJIO!". Whoa, don't tell me I have to jio everyone else. Some are even worse. They hint hint you, keep on posting those status to tempt you to jio them. If you don't jio them, the outcome would be the same "BOJIO!"
Argh.
I wonder last time when they had meal and yumchas together, how many times they didn't jio me. HAHA. I am not vengeful, but I am merely pointing out the fact that, it's not that I bojio you guys, it's because, err, I don't feel like jio you guys. Why? Several reasons. LanC; limited topic; unsuitable topic; busy; studying etc.
That's why, I sure jio those who sure will come out, like QiWen, WeiWei, DomDom etc.
OK OK, fine, blame me on my poor timing. I don't care. I am just trying my best to reduce to shouts of "BOJIO!!!"
Hint Me!
Argh, I was feeling alright for the entire week, and now something had bumped into me. OK, I gonna be straight and fast this time. Stop hinting me!
LOL. If you want something, just say it. Don't go beating around the bush, fishing around the seaweeds or flying amidst the clouds. I don't like guessing your motives because I don't want to hurt your feelings if I responded differently than you expected.
For example
Don't look at me with blearry eyes, as if you want to tell me something.
Don't post something on Facebook that you indirectly referring to me.
You make me feel very difficult. Maybe you can just pop up a chatbox and tell me. Date me, chat with me or play with me, I am more than willing to oblige, just don't hint me. I don't know what you want...
LOL. If you want something, just say it. Don't go beating around the bush, fishing around the seaweeds or flying amidst the clouds. I don't like guessing your motives because I don't want to hurt your feelings if I responded differently than you expected.
For example
Don't look at me with blearry eyes, as if you want to tell me something.
Don't post something on Facebook that you indirectly referring to me.
You make me feel very difficult. Maybe you can just pop up a chatbox and tell me. Date me, chat with me or play with me, I am more than willing to oblige, just don't hint me. I don't know what you want...
Bubble-blowing
Tonight is the night.
I got the chance to hang out with QiWen, Albert, Desmond and Penny. Hehe. Last few yumchas were not the best, but this one, I can say, I like it like some others. Reason? Simple. We don't talk about girlfriend/boyfriend, lengzai/lenglui and other chick topics.
We chat about wide-ranged topics. I dunno how we switched from one to another. It's like a never-ending story. OK, I am not giving you any ideas of us being wasting the time. But, it is indeed a rare chance to have such friends who talk like that.
Yeah rite, who says guys must talk about chicks, and chicks must talk about guys?
Anyway, you guys managed to rock off my thoughts about those, erm, you know, negative things.
Right, it's time to gaogaozhi.... bye bloggo! See you in the morning (mostly will be in the afternoon)
I got the chance to hang out with QiWen, Albert, Desmond and Penny. Hehe. Last few yumchas were not the best, but this one, I can say, I like it like some others. Reason? Simple. We don't talk about girlfriend/boyfriend, lengzai/lenglui and other chick topics.
We chat about wide-ranged topics. I dunno how we switched from one to another. It's like a never-ending story. OK, I am not giving you any ideas of us being wasting the time. But, it is indeed a rare chance to have such friends who talk like that.
Yeah rite, who says guys must talk about chicks, and chicks must talk about guys?
Anyway, you guys managed to rock off my thoughts about those, erm, you know, negative things.
Right, it's time to gaogaozhi.... bye bloggo! See you in the morning (mostly will be in the afternoon)
Friday, April 1, 2011
Hope
Despite the fact that most of my friends will be leaving me soon after this semester, mostly because of graduation, internship and course transfer, and I was EMO-ing about that, I actually come to think that, it's a cycle end.
It's time for me to start anew like always before. Metamorphosizing. Yeah, you have seen this word a zillion times in my blog. If I need to metamorphosize, I need to start afresh, starting by deleting those which I have strings attached to.
Right, I am not talking about unfriending anyone. I am talking about put those nostalgic moments, friends aside and start feeling out. It's time to walk the maze of moments on my own. Like LingShiau said, it's no point attaching to someone who is obviously of no use for your future, except accompanying you for fun.
OK, I am not talking about using anyone. I am saying, certain things need to let go, to allow others to grow. You don't pluck the fruit and the fruit will be eaten by the pest. It's your call... Ahem, my call.
Now, hope has arise. Hope has a new place. Hope. I hope. Not I dream. I dream a fool's dream is a hope without hope. Start afresh, Iliustera! Arusta Sezigh!
It's time for me to start anew like always before. Metamorphosizing. Yeah, you have seen this word a zillion times in my blog. If I need to metamorphosize, I need to start afresh, starting by deleting those which I have strings attached to.
Right, I am not talking about unfriending anyone. I am talking about put those nostalgic moments, friends aside and start feeling out. It's time to walk the maze of moments on my own. Like LingShiau said, it's no point attaching to someone who is obviously of no use for your future, except accompanying you for fun.
OK, I am not talking about using anyone. I am saying, certain things need to let go, to allow others to grow. You don't pluck the fruit and the fruit will be eaten by the pest. It's your call... Ahem, my call.
Now, hope has arise. Hope has a new place. Hope. I hope. Not I dream. I dream a fool's dream is a hope without hope. Start afresh, Iliustera! Arusta Sezigh!
It's Over =)
OK, right, I don't like putting emoticons on my title, but just in case you all thought I am EMO-ing... Right, I don't trust your senses.
LOL. Well before I say anything, 'Happy April Fool's Day!' Nobody played a prank on me so far, but I kena pranked indirectly because of QiWen. There was this pair of dudes, holding a triangle piece of paper each, pointing to each other and standing some metres apart, as if they are laying down a wire or invisible thread. QiWen hesitated to walk over, fearing that it would trip her. But I didn't. I wanted to walk over. That QiWen still standing there ternganga. Akibatnya, you know what, Happy April Fool's Day.
There wasn't any strings to make people trip after all. And they thought I also kena pranked. =.=
OK, back from ketam-ing. I am glad everything is over. The Keyboard Weekly Classes, Presentations and Assignments, Tests and Quizzes. I finally can relax. Maybe I am a little bit boiled. I tend to work super fast when the stress is near.
And, of course, besides those academic and co-co things, even personal things and relationships are over. Haha. Don't get me wrong. I am not talking about those love and romance thingy. I am saying that some strings between me and others have to be detached or I will fall together with them into the abyss.
OK, I know I am being metaphoric again. Blame me on my novel writing skills.
First one to 'over' is actually the first person I got close to this semester. How ironic. First to know and first to go. Ha. Never mind, the thing is, I am happy. That counts.
[PS: LingShiau recommended me to stop contributing for others and start being selfish.]
LOL. Well before I say anything, 'Happy April Fool's Day!' Nobody played a prank on me so far, but I kena pranked indirectly because of QiWen. There was this pair of dudes, holding a triangle piece of paper each, pointing to each other and standing some metres apart, as if they are laying down a wire or invisible thread. QiWen hesitated to walk over, fearing that it would trip her. But I didn't. I wanted to walk over. That QiWen still standing there ternganga. Akibatnya, you know what, Happy April Fool's Day.
There wasn't any strings to make people trip after all. And they thought I also kena pranked. =.=
OK, back from ketam-ing. I am glad everything is over. The Keyboard Weekly Classes, Presentations and Assignments, Tests and Quizzes. I finally can relax. Maybe I am a little bit boiled. I tend to work super fast when the stress is near.
And, of course, besides those academic and co-co things, even personal things and relationships are over. Haha. Don't get me wrong. I am not talking about those love and romance thingy. I am saying that some strings between me and others have to be detached or I will fall together with them into the abyss.
OK, I know I am being metaphoric again. Blame me on my novel writing skills.
First one to 'over' is actually the first person I got close to this semester. How ironic. First to know and first to go. Ha. Never mind, the thing is, I am happy. That counts.
[PS: LingShiau recommended me to stop contributing for others and start being selfish.]
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