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Saturday, April 30, 2011

=(

Today, I woke up extremely early. Suddenly, there was a subconcious in my mind, asking me to look for a letter, a message, or a tiny piece of paper by my doorstep. I scuffled through the carpet and outside the dining area.

There was nothing.

A subconcious that tells me someone might leave something there for me.

Then, I headed back to my desk and studied my Financial Accounting for the last time before the exams. Then something peculiar happened again: my subconscious directed me to look out my doorstep again.

I ignored it and studied.

Then during the examinations, my instinct told me my phone rang when I was having the exam. There was such an anxiety that you might call before you leave. It was a struggle between temptation and completion. And I chose completion. I completed the exam.

Then, I rushed home.

I used to have a habit of staying in school longer time than usual to meet up my friends, but today wasn't my day, I don't know why. My subcomcious rang in my mind to rush home and check my Facebook or Handphone.

When I reached home, the first thing I did was looking around the dining area, looking for a letter, message or paper. Or anything unusual.

Nothing.

So I sighed, opened my door, checking my doorstep had no papers (cause I thought someone might slip in something into my room) and I switched on the fan and checked my Facebook.

Nothing.

Then Mr Soong rang up and asked me to go for lunch. I invited WeiWei and NienLee along. And we went to Grand Kampar Hotel. And oh, before that, I managed to send a goodbye note to you, to confirm that you already left Kampar. You replied. So I guess no point waiting for any letters or what. That's why I went with the group for lunch.

When I came back around 3.30pm, my wallet LITERALLY dropped to the ground. There was a file at my doorstep, with your initials on it.

I trembled. And I opened it.

I opened my door much later and carefully placed the file on my desk. My heart already collapsed.

Do you know how it feels like when someone you thought has left, but left you a small thing behind at your doorstep?

It only happens in the movies. But this time, I am the one taking it.

The feeling was... bad. I feel a sudden sadness washed over my mind and body. I was imagining you coming up my stairs, knocking at my room door for one last time meeting and you failed. You found out I was away. And you placed that file at my doorstep.

I don't know how you feel at that time. But now, I can't shake off that feeling in me.

I am sorry I can't meet you one last time. I thought of rushing back home from the exam might have a chance to meet you again before you go. But it didn't happen. Instead, you came when I was away.

I am not feeling quite happy now. I am sad.

Why? Why you want...?

Should I trust my instincts next time? Should I believe my subconcious?
I don't know.

Till now, I am still trembling...



Never mind, I will keep your file. I take it as your gift to me. Thanks.

Till we meet again. I hope.

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