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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Heartfelt Thanks

Recently, numerous events had led me to express my gratitude (again) to certain people. Don't worry about the rankings. It isn't important. It's nominal, not ordinal.

Steph. For giving me an exposure in Dance Club. Dominance. For giving me a chance to hold a position in there and trust me even we only know for a few days. Isaac. For giving me a chance to be a helper as well as listen to some of my comments. LingShiau. For enlightening me about your song-composing style and willing to lend your ear to me and advise me. QiWen. For gila-ing with me when I need some gila essence. WeiZhi. For willing to listen to my ideas and give some moral support. And of course: YumCha friends!

Alright, all these happened in this week. I am sleepy now, so I can't elaborate anymore. Don't be sad when your name does not appear here. Maybe it's time to pay attention. =).

Shifting Allegiance

The slower I spend my semester here, the faster I realise my position in the clubs, societies and friends. Good thing or bad? I don't know. But I am beginning to feel the drift under my feet that I should stand on one side while discarding the other.

Forget about best of both worlds. It's just a fairytale lie.

Remember the Wanderer series? Well, a new pilgrimage is done. Dance Club and Music Club. Haha. New pilgrimage. I am leaving all my friend's personal problems that linked to me aside, and focus on new friends, old allies. Those who are not my allies, well, sad to say, we cannot talk much anymore.

Ego kills. But this is the only way to stop my friends' ego from killing me. Call me hypocrite.

I am going to reveal more later tonight. 'Coz I am having presentation. Ciao!

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I Like It

I like a friend who is straightforward enough when I ask a question. And so far, I've got that person. Nice. Maybe stereotyping should be avoided. Thanks to the post 'Find the Good in Bad' written by my brother Amirul, and now I have seen things much clearer right now. Delusional. Illusional. Foggy. It's all over now. It's a brand new me! Metamorphosizing... a new butterfly will emerge next two months! Just wait out! I seriously can't stop liking those who are straightforward to me! Oops!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I Change

I change as I promised. I am making new friends as fast as I can say my name in 3 seconds. But is it way too fast? I dunno. I have heard some comments like, 'Hey, it doesn't feel like you before!', or, 'What has gone into your head?' I tell you what's gone into my head, active worm. Hypermobilus verminus. Yeah, me and my stupid scientific terms. I was an active person before, especially during National Service, and now, I am here, to regain my lost memory. Many people asked the same thing: Why? Because, first, I don't want some personal thing to permeate my mind and occupy it to make me feel nervous or depressed. I want my mind to be focused on what I have now, what kind of friends I really appreciate and needs to be connected and what happy memories I have. Although it still found a way today to enter my mind, I am able to block it. Firewall UP!!!

***
The biggest flaw in human behaviour: selfish I hope everyone here, stop your selfishness. Pay close attention to what your friends or families need or want. Help them. Don't sell fish anymore. We have enough fishermen. Without friends and families, you won't be here standing amidst the crowd. Egotism kills. Narcissism kills Self-centrism kills. Remedy? Care and love heals.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Argh


I once discarded the idea of having a best friend. Now, the idea is seeping back into my mind, making me extremely emotional when there is a candidate for it.


Argh.


Here, I apologize for being so idiotic because I keep on posting blogs about self-pitying and licking own wounds.



Life isn't just about myself, it's about others. Considering myself strange, I am so outward pushing to care people till I sometimes forgot about myself. Ha. I think I just saw my exact opposite nowadays: inward pushing to care ownself till sometimes forgot about others.



Anyway, conclusion is, I am strange.


As my brother, Amirul, said before: "Find the Good in Big Mistake". I think I am having some time to digest this. I have done this before, but recent events have escalated me into someone who is so sensitive to people's welfare and being.



Argh squared.



Now, I think my feeling is fluctuatin violently, but no one seems to understand. You know why? Because I made friends from different 'clans', so some 'clans' don't know certain things about me while others do. Ha. It's OK. It's nothing big. I've experienced this in Form 3, so I guessed I would come along by Form 4. LOL.


It actually happens because many of my new friends are actually leaving me for their studies and future purposes. Besides Juan Wyn who is going to Setapak, Wei Fa is leaving for Melaka, Faruq and Desmond are graduating, many helpers from Karaokay Competition are leaving for Setapak as well and one more thing is, Amirul is gone from Facebook! I can't find him! You know how I feel when I lost someone close like a brother!



Argh cubed.



I can't believe all these are happening around me. OMG. I think I must have done something terribly this semester, that's why someone is punishing me eh? Or testing me? LOL. I confess, I am a little bit late to know you all. Semester 3 is not a good semester to know new people huh? Just like my Foundation Facebook status: "3 is not a good number in a relationship". LOL. I have just written my own prophecy. Self-fulfilling prophecy.



Argh exponented.




Guys, I am really sorry for not spending enough time with y'all

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Regrets

Alone

Facing the monitor screen

Thinking

Counting

How many friends I am losing

Before I have the chance to really know them


Night ever so silent

cannot calm

My turbulence in my heart


Why

Goodbye?

Why

Never say hi?


I lost my words

I lost my senses


Saying what I could

to change the unchangeable ending


I know you at the wrong time

I know you at the wrong place

But I never know you wrongly


I was hoping

some of you can be great friends with me

till it's time


But it's a hope

A hopeless hope.


A fool's dream

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Straightforward

Hmm, recently, people have not been straightforward to me. They tried to make some move to attract my attention so that I would give them the response they hope.

I would like to give a response, but I am afraid it's not the response you hope for. I don't like hurting people.

If you want to eat with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to accompany me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to chat with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to spend more time with me, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want me to be your best friend, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to date me out, say it, I sure will agree.
If you want to find me, say it, I sure will agree.
...

The point is, I am not cincai. It's because, I am available to all sorts of options. I am a freelancer. Don't be afraid that my time would be occupied. You don't ask and you will never know.

Why are you so afraid just to come up and wave to me and say what you want?
Is it because it sounds gay (for boys)? Or it sounds like couple (for girls)?
Please, I don't wish this kind of hide-and-seek game. I sometimes wish to have those as well (chat, eat, date with you all), but I didn't ask because you are already with someone else. And yes, I did ask. I always do.

Sometimes I might be standing with a bunch of people, but you still can come and wave to me, rather than eyeing at me, as if spying on me, and see where I go then you secretly creep up behind, hoping I would notice you.

Yes, I did notice you. But I don't know what you want.

It makes my life difficult if you don't get straightforward to me and play your hide-and-seek games.

Take note ya! Yumcha, breakfast, lunch, dinner, study, chat, private talk, meeting, I am all yours as long as you asked.

Bye =)
Hope we all be straightforward!

[PS: I am not pekceking. Just merely point out the fact that we need to be straightforward]

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Pillow Talk

Sorry for blogspamming...

Unintentionally, you saw someone you missed, or hoped to see; that kind of joy and excitement was unbearable, even your cold face couldn't cover your expression. You thought this is it, somehow you and that someone's destiny are meant to meet, and now you and that someone is only a few metres apart.

You smiled in your heart, stepped out your first step...

Then, another person appeared next to that someone and that someone followed the person away. That someone didn't see you there and that someone just left, with the heavy footsteps stomping on your heart.

You, unintentionally, lowered your head and smiled bitterly, trying to cover up your embarrassment and foolishness. You left the scene. Your mind automatically switched on your soul radio, and you listened to it.

When you are done, you still cannot hide your soft heart shattering loudly in your heart.

Grateful

When I do something, I don't hope for praise or gratitude. I only hope for the satisfaction people get. When you see the smile on people faces, you get the eternal smile in your heart. That's my principle, and that's why I joke a lot, even though the jokes are kinda lame or cold.

Blame Malaysia for having a hot and humid country. XD.

My mum said, happiness is a shortlived memory. It doesn't stay. If you want to make it stay, you have to make it everywhere. You smile to yourself, but you can't see it and feel it much. Make people smile, and you will get double the happiness.

True.

Once, I saw my friend tripped over and hurt his knee badly. It was bleeding, no, it wasn't bleeding profusely. You know what I did? I carried him on my back. I wasn't bluffing. I did that. Serious. Although I was a thin and skeletal monster. You can't believe how wide the smile he put on when he reached home. He couldn't stop bowing and thanking me, for which I smiled back, saying. "It's OK, I know how it feels like being hurt and have to drag your way back."

When he was healed, he gave me a pot of soup as gratitude. The moment I smiled and said thanks, he smiled even wider. That kind of two-way smiling, lighten up the atmosphere a lot.

Then, another time, when I was in NS training, my buddy fell sick. It wasn't an ordinary cold, it was a hot cold. I know it sounds paradoxical. But a hot cold is something like, you have a runny nose, painful joins, muscle aches and a feverish feeling. You have a sore throat but you can't cough. It usually is caused by rain + heaty food like fried food. Know what I did? I wrote him a long message of what to do and what not to do, what to eat and what not to eat. I even went to his dorm at night to give him some supplements. In just two days, he was healed.

And guessed what he did? During a sharing session, he stood up, and thanked me in front of everyone. It was kinda touching the way he said "... MZ-lah buddy yang tersayang. I tak pernah kenal sorang pun yang penyayang seperti dyer. Saya sumpah akan jaga dia balik..."

I was almost on my tears, because everyone was looking at me, clapping, smilling and dragging a long note of 'AWWWWWH...'. And he hugged me. I wasn't expecting that. I was, shattered.

The third time was my dormmate, I took care of him when he got seriously ill. I slept next to him. Every time he moaned when he felt unwell, I would wake up and pat him back to sleep, or put some warm handkerchief (yeah, my handkerchiefs finally in use) over his forehead. I even carried him to bathroom and poured hot water for him to drink.

He was healed in a week, with many of his friends thanked me.

I smiled. I wasn't deserving a thank, but I think, he deserved to be helped in such condition.

Why would someone be so selfish and ignore the friends around him/her? Human emotions are the most complicated and yet fragile thing that ever existed. If you can't take care of a fragile thing, don't ever tell me that you are strong physically and mentally.

[PS: Just a pillow talk...]

One VS One

Bah, this has nothing to do with previous post, or even DotA, or Counter-strike, or whatever.

Hmm, I don't know where to start. People are asking me why I expose my blog when blog is supposed to be private. First thing first, my blog was never intended to be private. I don't remember writing private stuff. OK, fine, the Wanderer series, Red tree vs Green tree, those are private, but hey, what I mean is, it's not confidential.

I intend to let people read, because certain posts, I wish people won't follow my footsteps, and certain posts, I want to share with you all about life. I remembered I only posted one offensive post at the birth of this blogspot last October, but hey, I was only being naughty. =P

OK, back from ketam-ing, this post is about me (I figured out I am getting more and more narcissistic and self-centred. Gosh!). I am getting happier by the day since last week. I don't know why, maybe something in me has arisen.

Then, recently, I talked to my friends one vs one (yeah, that's the title). DomDom, WeiWei, Isaac, Qi Wen and of course, Juan Wyn. And by this one vs one chat, hmm, how to put it... I managed to know many things deeper. No, not about relationships, just, erm, you know, how life is going to be and some nonsense.

It has been a while since I chatted so much (I know I am a chatterbox) and I feel good, as if everything has been poured out from me so that I can start afresh (or anew, if you want to argue).

I am so sorry that I didn't treat my friends well (Disclaimer: the word 'treat' does not include any meanings similar to 'belanja'). I think next time, I will pay more attention to my friends (of course my family comes first).

Today I did a bad thing. I know V is coming, but yet I still moved away. LOL. It wasn't intentional. My friends asked me to go to the other side. When I saw V coming to find me, and saw me at the other side, fuhhhh, I felt so bad about it. LOL. Sorry! (maybe I perasan, but I don't think V was finding me at all. LOL. Either way, it is bad to leave someone alone).

Bla bla bla, yeah right, I accidentally, unintentionally, surprisingly become the UTAR Karaokay Competition helper. Weird. Well, going for meeting later at 9pm.

Tata!

[PS: I think this post doesn't reflect my previous personality. As if I really become so much happier...]

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

One VS Many

I am not talking about teamwork here.

I am talking about human relationship.

After tonight's keyboard class, I've realised, I have made a stupid decision (yeah yeah, go on, say this to me: "You got make a smart decision before meh?" and see if I care). Previously, asking about the target number of students, I happily and proudly said that I want 30. Max.

Now I regretted.

More students, I am more difficult to focus. Each has their own weaknesses and strengths. Fortunately, the class size is getting smaller. Phew! For the first time in UTAR, I teach it properly. Usually have to teach fast to let other group members to have a chance to play.

Now, I don't think I have the problem. =)

Besides, it is true about my master once told me, friends are not for numbers. You can have many friends, but you cannot accomodate their needs. You are only one person. They are a bunch. You need to be careful on what you say or do. You might make someone happy with your words, but in turn, someone might be unhappy with what you have said.

It's all about chaos theory.

Now, I remembered, once or twice, my friend asked me:
"Eh? Why your lips so dry?"
"I don't know. I drink a lot of water, but I think the air salinity is dehydrating me."
"Really?"
"Yeah, when I was out from Kampar, I don't suffer dry lips."
"Here, I have some suggestions..."

This is not from one friend, but another as well. I was like, stunned. After so long, I never heard someone would be like this.

But I appreciate it.

Guys and gals, stalkers and paparazzis, instead of overlooking all your gangmates, try to observe how individuals behave and what they lack of. Help them.

A tiny hand, changes the world

Ignored.

It's easy to see people ignoring you face-to-face. But when it comes to text communication, it is somewhat a bit hard.

You can only know it by waiting for your friend's response. If he/she didn't respond to you but respond to others, then, congratulations, you are being ignored. If he/she takes longer time to answer you, even though he/she is online, that could be a sign of ignoring you.

No matter, being ignored feels terrible.

I've known someone, at first I am not being ignored, but maybe my continuous presence on Facebook has crossed the threshold, rendering that person to feel disturbing. Come on, I only 'harrass' you when necessary, or maybe your post on Facebook attracted me, or else I would keep my mouth shut. Oops, keep my fingers tight.

So, after a few times of 'trial and error', note: not Excessive, I am not that aggressive, I decided that I have had enough, and so to that person. Fortunately, it's going to end. LOL. I thought I have delved deep into this pile of steamy punk, but I haven't.

It's time to wait for that person to harrass me, rather than I do the other way round WHICH I know that person WON'T harrass me because I am valueless.

Never mind, I am fine with it =). I've got some people I can mix with. My hope still stays (although it has been so many years). Hehe.

Typical materialistic person.

Mindless jabbers don't count in this blog. Happy day everyone!


[PS: Thanks to you for opening my mind, now I know what and how to deal with that person]

Monday, March 21, 2011

I Am No Man

I overheard some boys sitting behind me, chatting happily of how to have paktorlogy and how to be manly. And I heard something some sort like this:

"You know har, usually boys love big cars, rock songs, then only they can be more man. They must be tough, and have that kind of look that it's masculine you know! Otherwise, that's not a man!"

I was like... Jawdropped.

First, I don't favour cars. I don't even like sports cars. Because I only love one brand: BMW, and that never change my stand. 2nd, I don't love rock songs. I like sentimental, instrumental, New Age and Pop Ballad. 3rd, I am super delicate at people's emotion and wellbeing.

So, I was, and never, a man.


BUT
I will be like this as this is my identity.

That's Not Me

Right... after so long, this is my personal post. Bla bla bla to those philosophies and endless babbles.

I smiled. I changed.

I didn't realise what was I doing. I joined the Earth Hour event this Friday, even though I know my two exams are on Saturday. I joined the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra trip to view my first time in the orchestral hall next two weeks. Then the following week I am attending a miniconcert on Thursday (for the sake of JuanWyn's last work on Kampar and Sunshine's first work as vice-chairman) and the Volunteerism Run at Tronoh Mines.

Gosh. What has gone into me?

Maybe after those practises for the BotC and on the way to KTJ, things gradually changed me. Either a sleeping monster has awoken in me, or some virus has entered my mind to change my neural pattern.

Either way, I think BotC changed me. At least, I can expose myself now rather than cocooning myself. Haha, yeah, right, JuanWyn, being high profile is syok. LOL. Now I am thinking, I think YOU are the one influenced me. =.=

In the near future, I promise myself, I will take up my role that I have lost during my secondary school and be it at the University. I need to be more active. I know the piano won't be in UTAR anytime soon, but I am going to make everyone love piano before there's a piano.

Woots.

Guitar department is going to lose a good right-hand man, UTAR (Kampar) is going to lose one good entrepreneur mind man and I am going to lose a great friend.

It's not sad, it makes me think. The World is round. No one stands on the same place forever.

All the best to everyone.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Album Leaf


I have a great book. It's called Album Leaf. In there, is a collection of all the great people or special people's voices and thoughts. They are my friends whom I considered special and needs to be remembered.

This book, filled with advices, comments and thoughts that never fails to delight me everytime I open it and read.

There is one, from my NS buddy, Fizan and his fiance Ikin
Thum Enyi, a music lover...
Cindy, my novel fans and an impressive artist...
Yee Shuen, my novel graphic illustrator and joker...
Zi Han, a good friend known since end of primary 2 and a soon-to-be doctor...
Pei Qi, a prefect whose attitude resembles Weiwei, but more able in doing things...
Eyh Looi, a squad leader. although she is small, but she is strong and firm...
Acap, a dorm member, and Firdaus, whom I treat them as my little brothers...
Yee Pei, a fantastic Earth lover who shares the same viewpoint of life as mine...
Wai Meng, a silent student but a black horse, good in Chinese debating...


OK, I'll stop ketam-ing here, in other words, not many I have chosen to let them write in my book. Not because I am picky, but with the emergence of Facebook, you can simply contact anyone. And for some reasons, some words are better be kept in the book, some sort of reminiscing.

There's one verse, written by a friend, named Han Loong. He wrote to me on that book:


When everyone is concerned whether you fly high or not
Only a few will be concerned whether you are tired.
This is called friend.
Do you know
You are talented
So you don't have to worry whether you are flying high
You need to know
When you are tired,
Please come back, we are waiting for you.


This verse (verses, whatever) greatly affects me because I thought I was the only one doing the caring friends. But this friend of mine, shares the same perspective. That even strengthen my will, to help all my friends in the world if possible, tend their wounds and give them a lift.


Aquarius, true hallmark of a peace and tranquility bringer (according to Concised Oxford English Dictionary).


I will live up to my name.


I promise.

Metamorphosis II

I learned from Celcom Youth Ambassadors project that 'change' is very important. All the while, I changed little and little, hardly noticeable, unless you closed yourself in a room for 3 years and came out again to meet me.

This time, I plan to change. Fast.

Why I changed slow last time? Because I don't want to lose contact with my friends. Imagine another ME in the next few days, they would be very apprehensive. They would think that I am having some kind of fever or even a psychology breakdown.

I am not going to list down what I am going to change. The list is too long and the time is too short. Don't blame the time, blame myself. But hey, I am not that self-sympathetic. I said change and I will.

Why the sudden change?

Because this semester, I got to know a friend, and... yeah, he is awesome... (since he likes to be called that way, XD), but, for me, when I see him, I am actually seeing a soul splinter of me. Meaning, there is something in him that looks like me, but now he isn't. He tries to accomodate things quickly. Freak Adaptation.

And I realised I am not.

Why?

Because of the previous famous slogan: Don't ask, don't care; don't care, don't do; don't do, don't mind.

Now, I am going to change that point of view.

Beginning with a smile (because I can't smile well for the past decades, why? Because I was fierce and strict ever since primary 5).

I remembered one of my lost friends in Form 5 told me, he would happily change that, making me smile more. I was touched. He said, he would try his best to make me smile till I succeeded.

So, guys, if you see me smile before I post this message, you see me smiling, that's because of the help of my lost friend. After this post, I am going for a huge makeover.

OPERATION PHOENIX.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Life as Roses

I always tell my friend, don't hide.

So many years of existence, I have lent more than a dozen times of shoulders and ears. I remembered reading an article from a school-published book, a story about Ears.

Everyone will have a crisis at some point of their lives. Never mind, cut back down and restart, that's the way. It is always difficult first, but soon the results are beautiful. And when I said cut back down, I don't mean retreat, I mean cut the crisis down.

My mum used to say, life, is like a flower; how you do to life, is actually gardening (My mum told me this when she was snipping her roses). "See the rose here? It is dying, but I snip it off. Soon you will see three more roses growing from that point. Understand?"

I nodded.

To see beautiful things, you have to overcome ugly things. That's how life works. Even at the most beautiful thing, you can find something ugly on it.

"Just like a rose, the prettier it gets, the more pests it attracts. Do I have to snip the rose if there are pests? No. I just need to tick them off. No point destroying the rose just to prevent those pests."

I nodded again.

"Roses have thorns, they use them for defend and for climbing. You cannot stand alone forever in the world. You need some support and defence. Find a friend or someone else you think you can rely on and defend yourself and your support against threats. Roses are beautiful, but they don't do that without defend and support."

I nodded.



"Why do you like roses?" I asked mum.

"Because I love gardening," my mum replied.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Aquarius, Gemini, Libra


Alright, I am not that superstitious but I admit I can feel the ebb and flow of one person's aura when I am with them. I can feel what stars they belong to, but not too accurate, needs practising though.


So, today's 'article' is about these three zodiacs, Aquarius (that's me!), Gemini and Libra. Why these three? Well, because I start off with classification of elements. These three zodiacs belong to the element 'Air'.


Alright these three zodiacs have the polarity of positive, which means they are extrovert, active. It has nothing to do with electric or magnetic charges. So, these three Air-element zodiacs can be very good pals.


Here 'Air' there 'Air', but what are the qualities of 'Air'?

- Possess the virtue of knowledge

- Well-rounded

- Good communicators

- Good personalities

- Easy to get to know

- Curious

- Well-disciplined

- Quick-thinking

- Rational

- Enjoy any type of entertainment that uses their mental capacity

- Ability to set standards

- Judge ownselves harshly

- Could be mean

- Quick to express opinion

- Carry grudge

- Will not hesitate to express anger verbally, but physical violence is not the choice


Besides, all Air zodiacs switch emotions fast. Libra is not as violent as Gemini and Aquarius, but Aquarius change tempers like a change in wind direction.


Libra, being a cardinal sign, is associated with initiation, creativity and leadership

Aquarius, being a fixed sign, is associated with determination, depth, stabilization and persistence

Gemini, being a mutable sign, is associated with adaptability, expansion, unstable and service providing


Libra, being an interpersonal sign, is aware of and concerned with social and societal concerns

Aquarius, being a transpersonal sign, is aware of and concerned with humanitarian and existential concerns.

Gemini, being a personal sign, is aware of and concerned with individual concerns.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Cycle

And so, the Cycle has fulfilled its turn. It seems like I can't stop it. Why in the world when I get to know someone so great and nice and it ends up as soon as it begins to fire up?

What did I do that the Cycle keeps on repeating?

You know what I mean by the 'Cycle'? It means when I start to get to know some friend, and when our bonds are getting closer to become best buddies or good friends, the relationship comes to a halt or something happen that stop us from continuing. It often ends in 'goodbyes', 'frustration' or 'tragedy' (which, sadly, the last two seldom happen). I called it the 'Cycle' because this scenario has been repeating again and again...

In Form 2, I lost my best friend which I had known her for 12 years. She went to Taiwan right now.
In Form 3, I lost my sifu as he suddenly didn't talk to me. (I still didn't know what I've done wrong)
In Form 4, I lost my precious buddy under me because of my betrayal on him. It wasn't intentional. It was all because I was joining forces with another espionage thing (spy, in order words) and I forced to play a double-agent. And sadly, he failed to see that.
In Form 5, I lost my best buddy but whom I recently talk to him again, but we aren't as before. I don't know why I lost him.
In Foundation, I lost one of my best friends because of my pissed off attitude. I changed but the dark reputation stays.
In Degree, I PURPOSELY lost my friend because of his pissed off attitude of blaming out of nothing. I am not going any further in this.

Now, I am losing another one whom I just about to know him.

I am asking everyone, I am not questioning God, but please, why do these things keep happening to me? When will be the day, where I will have a stable and secure life, happy with my friends, great with my buddies and excited to be with besties?

When?

Who knows how to end my Cycle?

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

A Chair with No Legs


Today, I sat on a chair with no legs. It wasn't like that. It had legs once, but something had wrought it off and let me fell off the ground hard. So hard that my heart thumped in a single, deep, heavy beat.

I never expect things would spiral out of control. How I wish to turn back the time during Week 1 or Week 2 of this semester. How I wish I didn't hope someone to fail. I am thinking back and realised how evil I was.

I don't even deserve to be a friend, and yet things happened as they did.

I am not EMO-ing or depressing, I am just regret for what I've done. If only... *sigh* it's impossible now. The only thing is, wish luck.

That's it, I created my own heartstomper. I was supposed to be nice from Week 2 onwards, but I took things for granted. I avoided this and that, serious in this and that, and now, the consequence is, I lost this and that.

The best time I had in this semester, is probably the last time.

Enya said it right, "A moment lost, forever gone, can never be again" from this song:


It's only now when words are said
that break my heart in two,
I wonder at how you endure
all I've said, all I say to you.

How strong, how brave, how true of you
to bear the hurt I gave.
I know it tears your heart in two;
all I've said, all I say to you.

After all the words are said,
after all the dreams we made;
every one a precious one,
every one a summer sun...

A moment lost, forever gone,
can never be again,
so know how much it mean to me;
all you said,
all you gave,
all your love to me.




I am truly sorry for what I have done to you this semester. Forgive me.

Care


I once hurt my parents so much that they cried. I felt bad and when I was blaming myself, I kept scratching my back of the hand till the skin wore off and revealed its flesh. I wasn't torturing myself. I was feeling difficult. I felt I was utterly useless at that point of my life. Being a kid and still able to make my parents cry.

After that incident, I told myself, physically hurt is only temporary. It heals over time. But mentally being hurt is permanent. It stays there forever and haunts us. I now know how hurt my parents would be without our love.

And I told myself: Love your family.


I remembered when we were just primary students. Early primaries. We used to help each other carry books and stuffs, even though the book weren't heavy. We helped, we played and we cared. It was like "Friendship" was the precious thing in our lives.

But as we grow up, some people choose 'Lovers' over 'Friends'. And not only that, you can't see people helping and caring as they go. When they see people are tired and sleepy, they just ignore, hoping that "Aiya, if he sleepy he will sleep. What for I talk so much?"

But do you know, one word, one simple caring word can actually make a difference?

I often care a lot to my friends. I wait for them to sleep first before I go to sleep when we are on a trip or camp. I let them sit first before I do. I let them eat first before I do.

In other words, I want them to have things first before I do. It's not that I am stupid, I just realise the sense of friendship is losing its way when we grow up.
Friends are not those who drink and play or study with you, is about them being with you whenever it's possible.

I don't own that kind of friend, but I vow to make everyone believe, there is me, changing the perception of people about friends. There is a person, me, who cares and comes to you whenever you want to.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Missing


Missing. Two meanings and utterly sad.
Miss someone who has left you. Your heart cracks but never heals. You tried to find someone that looks like your lost friend, but it made your heart even worse. You feel difficult. You want to shout but there is no voice and there is no one to hear you.


Missing. It is lost. You can't find it anywhere else. Your heart never cracks, but it shatters into a billion sparkling pieces, each enlighted with your nostalgia, bittersweet. You pick them up, some pieces hurt you, some make you smile. It now tastes sour. You wish your lost friend is here to help you fix your heart. But your friend never come.


Tears for a lost friend can never end,
Hope that the fate twist and bend,
Nonetheless it can entwine but never find it can...


"When the stars sigh, my heart will cry as you said goodbye,
When will I see you by the sea as we both believe..."

~ From "Tears for a Lost Friend"

Light Your Path


Everyone has a light in their hearts. Some choose to let it unlit, some choose to light it. The problem is, have you lighted it correctly?

A recent events has escalated so fast that my heart and soul barely grasp it tight enough. First, I was a 'nobody', then I became 'somebody'. Alright, I am not trying to TTM here, but it's true, I realise that this sem, the light in me is shining so bright that I blinded myself... accidentally.

Low profile eh!

I remembered I was a small little kid (triple redundance here, who cares?), studying quietly in UTAR, throughout the foundation semesters, and up to degree. Till one day, Isaac SMSed me.

"Hey, wanna teach keyboard?"

There, the story of a legend has begun...

Still being solitairy as my animalistic behaviour, I quietly taught, quietly study and quietly sleep. No mixing around with those committees or tutors. Just being me and my class. Closed-door policy. Nobody even knew what was I doing in class. Ngek ngek...

Then starting from last semester, things got heated up. First with my ever first UTAR performance for Musical Gathering (actually I wasn't the performer, just a cameo), it sucks but at least it was my first. Then 2nd performance at FE night. It sucks too.

Then this semester, wohoa, I think I got short-circuit for a while. Suddenly I started to get along with NUMEROUS people within a very short time. If I were to plot a graph, I think the graph would be an exponential graph.

First was JuanWyn, then Jocelynn, DomDom (silly me, I didn't even know she was my ex-school mate!), Edison, SunShine (it's because I didn't want to talk to her last time. XD) and ... whoever else...

Then, got this Booth duty made me realise I have to be like when I was in National Service. Talk. Talk a lot. But not so much rubbish. Then this and that, I suddenly found myself on the way to BotC.

The 'High Profile' worm in my mind is wriggling, asking me to join this and that. Expose here and there. Yeah, you want to know the scientific name of the worm eh, you nerdy scientists? Altiverminus Profilus....


I think someone kickstarted that worm in me. I have kept it hibernating so well for one year, it's impossible I am the one who wake it up

Difficult

Suddenly, after having supper, once I stepped into my room, I felt difficult. I felt lost. I don't know why. The competition somehow wriggles in and echoes out, it's like a tiny voice echoing in the empty chambers of my heart.

What do I mean by 'difficult'?

It just means that I have a kind of no-feeling feeling. The whole body has no soul. Empty. I don't feeling like doing anything, except want to find someone to talk to and there is no one available at that time. (Hence, this blog).

It's not EMO. If EMO, I won't be talking, communicating, or even appearing online.

"Try finding a girlfriend to talk to lah!"
SWT! You think a girlfriend is a pillar where you can kick and scold?
"Try sleeping!"
I did sleep, just because I am sleepy.

Hmm, I remembered JuanWyn said, "Hey, sometimes TTM is good you know..."
LOL...
TTM to myself is somewhat awkward... later Jing Cong heard someone talking next to his room but only I am there, in addition it was 3 am...... SCARY......

But, what can I TTM about when there is nothing to be TTM-ed?

Last time be with SiewCheng, Tanning, JiXuan, all sorts of TTM topics can be talked.
Then still have JuanWyn and Andy, which unfortunately Andy said I am annoying. (True, though).


So, I am an annoying, idiotic, nothing-to-do, insolent, sanctimonious, egomaniac, emotional, sensitive guy. Period.





All I ask for, is an ear and a shoulder when I need it. I know you girls have it, but, sometimes, certain things, only boys can help. LOL.

Bye Monday Blues...

Sunday, March 13, 2011

KTJ - Battle of the Composers

Warning: If you want to potong the ketam (Cut the crap), just skip the entire italic pink part, that would be more concise, but not detailed. LOL.

Saturday, I woke up at 5am, after rehearsing with JuanWyn. Then I go for that stupid Credit Analysis and Lending midterm exam. Damn tough and insufficient time to finish. Not to say the exam starts at 8.10 and ends at 9.40... AND... the lecturer didn't pass those attendance list around, making us SQUEEZE to sign our names at 9,40. By the time I finished signing and submitting the paper, it's already 10.05.

(My friends said my eyes were too small, tired, dark, bloodshot, and exhausted. True)

Yeah, guess what, I am late for the 'appointment' at JuanWyn's house. 3 times late in the semester. I never been late before in anything. Embarrassed by the course that Mr Soong has to pick me up at my doorstep (VIP weyh! LOL)

Makan at Tesco (11am), braised chicken rice with egg. Not so yummy, a bit salty. (Come on, it's Tesco, people). Then flew to Ipoh to Mr Soong's studio-school for rehearsal, then flew to KTJ starting off by 2.20pm.

Damn, and we are complaining about UTAR having located in such isolated place. KTJ is TEN times more isolated. No new town, No shops, No shopping malls, and I don't even think there is a pasar malam. But overall, nice college, with a tinge of British architecture. Elite school. English-speaking, even though there are Koreans, Maldives and whatever...

Large music room, drama room. When UTAR will have this? I was hoping for this in my entire life in UTAR. I left 2 more years. Will it be done? Chances are 0.0000000000000000000001%. UTAR doesn't even have a proper piano. I am not asking for the world-class grand piano. I just need a decent KAWAI or YAMAHA upright piano will do. Only costs about RM5,000, why couldn't afford?

Aiks... UTAR oh UTAR... Nice, pretty and big, but hollow in the inside. HA! (Don't call ISA to catch me ya!)


ANYWAY...

The competition was nice. Strong competitors, inspirational composers. But frankly speaking, of all the 4 pianists, excluding me, only 2 worth to listen, the rest were like, erm, weak? I mean, I can't feel the weight, as if the piano is a ghost instrument, now you hear it, now you don't. Even when you hear it, you kinda ask yourself "Is the piano necessary?" Sorry for being rude like Simon Cowell, but hey, piano is my soul. LOL!

My wish came true, no violinists. Haha, that makes both of us (JuanWyn and me) a bit relieved. A teeny weeny bit. And another thing is, all the songs performed there were rock, jam, nostalgic, kiddo-kind... only us, two guys, wearing suits (The only TWO people wearing such formal, steady, calm, cool, professional) playing super-EMO songs.

Solid grand piano. Hard to express when you feel hard to feel. Got it?
Guitar went out of tune. But hey, it wasn't our guitar. Blame KTJ? I don't know. Afraid of being caught by ISA...



Anyway, again...

Thanks to JuanWyn for that night. We have come a long way to know each other and play this song. Yeah, I do look serious, but hey, I guessed you know by now I am not. It's just a mask I put on. Ha. Seems like my younger bro didn't fail me at all (if he dares to fail me, LOL, Joke). I remembered I was hesitating picking you (JuanWyn) as my guitar part, because piano and guitar is like, erm, Melody + Accompaniment? Fortunately my bro is able to add a solo part for you. We both owe him thanks.

Although it was disappointing, but I couldn't help smiling. At least I have shown the people that I write songs, rather than I hide myself in the dark (low profile). So, I guess, JuanWyn has made me more high profile? I don't know. But I felt great for this. It's like trapping in a box for so long and finally I can sproing out.

So, uh, Thanks JuanWyn, for everything, ranging from Jokes, perli-s, fun and chats. LOL. We didn't do well, but we did do well for ourselves. Proud to have you as my partner for guitar. Proud of you to stay on the stage. Looking forward for any collaboration! Hehe.

Thanks to Mr Soong, who's so willingly take us to Tesco, Ipoh and KTJ. I think the total mileage is unimaginable. Dedicated, fun and happy, we all owe you a big thank. If only you can perform there, if only you can pull your violin strings, I think we are going to beat the audience (as there were no violinists).

Thanks to NienLee too, sitting behind with me in the car, if not I will be bored to death. Ha! Nice voice you got there driving the crowd frenzy and high. You made UTAR proud... No no no, you made Music Club proud. Haha. Maybe we can challenge ourselves by having 2 guitarists and 1 pianist. Really challenging work.

Thanks to KTJ, we lost 8 hours just to be there and back. Joke. Next time move your college in the town, please, the GPS is complaining already. Hahaha. But hey, I love your audience. Very sporting and supportive. Far better than UTAR audience who only BOO at you when you played wrongly. Good hosts. Formal but fun. (unlike Careena... hehe)

Thanks thanks and thanks to Music Club chairperson Isaac, and all other committees who supported us, like WeiZhi, Steph, as well as my friends like Yitmun, Weiwei, AhWei, JingCong and million others.

Okay, you wanna know the result?
Here's the statement:
Me and JuanWyn is hereby prohibited to meet - either accidentally or intentionally - Mr Paul.

Got it?
Ha.

It's my best birthday present if it were to be on my birthday.

Thanks

PS: I will post more later, OK? Now it's 330am...

Thanks to
Isaac for letting us take part in BotC
Mr Paul for helping us out with the preparations
Mr Soong for taking us there to and fro without resting as well as providing us a room to practise
Yitmun for being supportive
Weiwei for being insisting
Lingshiau for your wish
NienLee for your unbeatable encouragement and fun.
And lastly
Juanwyn, for willing to partner with me and play the song although his schedule is tight and busy.

*SALUTE*

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's Not That We Are Not Together


Two seeds, planted only a few centimetres apart. Both seeds, one red and another green, quietly germinates without knowing each other's existence. Till one day, when both of them finally touched each other's leaves for the first time.

The red sapling, a total of 5 leaves, shining brightly under the sun, showing off its red leaves.
The green sapling, a total of only 2 leaves, shining humbly under the shade.

One day, a blue bird flew by, chirping "Which tree shall I lay my nest? Which tree shall I lay my nest?"'

Too bad, the red sapling attracted its attention. "Come, we have more to share!" the red sapling cried. The green sapling, however, tilted down in sadness.

Then, a farmer passed by, crying, "Which tree bears the best fruit, I will reward more nutrients!"

The red sapling and green sapling tweaked. They both wanted nutrients to grow on this infertile land.

"Hey, Greenie! Mind if we join forces to grow larger so that we both can have better nutrients?" The red sapling asked.

"Of course..." the green sapling answered softly as if there would be another choice. Only by joining with the strongest and outstanding tree, he can only shed some light on himself.

A few weeks had passed, and the trees were growing, but it was always the red tree that looked more robust and tall when compared to the weak, though-leafy, shorter green tree.

The farmer passed by, "Wow, both trees are growing faster than anyone else! Both trees are like super close friends eh? No fighting for nutrients at all!"

The red tree and green tree smiled, but not to each other.

The green tree thought: After all these, I am planning to have my own fruit, flower and birds. I am not going to look at the blue bird or the red tree. I am myself. I don't need attention. I don't need to care for something that cares for another.


It's not that we are not together, but when we are together, we make our own walls. You refuse to cross over when you have the blue bird. So farewell. After this, we won't be seeing each other again. Happy knowing you as a friend.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Best Buddy?

Yeah rite, jodoh. It seems so true and yet so fake. What do you guys think? I personally don't believe in fate anyway, maybe because fate is just an excuse for everyday's event.

"What about your friends? How you manage to know them?"
"Bah~ it's just knowing and fun-ing. Nothing much..."
"I mean your best friend."
"Huh? What do you mean my best friend? I just make friends wherever I go if possible."
"That's sad..."
"Sad?"
"Sad because you don't have a best friend."
"Best friend huh? Really that necessary?"
"Yeah, you can share your secrets and share to burden with your besties."
"Err, I don't have secrets... and my ordinary friends can help me with the burden as well..."
"What about sometimes you need an ear and a shoulder. Who do you turn to?"
"Err... are you interrogating me?"
"Just concern about you..."
"So, does that make you my best friend?"
"Of course not, that sounds so gay."
"Gay?"
"Yeah. Don't you think like, erm, a boy having a best friend is gay-ish?"
"What the... who gave you that kind of idea huh?"
"Err, no one?"
"Then you are supposing that boys should be lonely except with girls huh?"
"I didn't say so... I mean like, you can have a best buddy."
"What's the difference between best friend and best buddy?"
"It doesn't sound gay when you said 'hey, this is my buddy', instead of the other..."
"Nice theory."
"It's a norm."
"It's a myth."
"Whatever."
"So you think I should find a best friend - uh, I mean best buddy?"
"Yeah, you should. Buddies rocks!"
"I am a study type, only twenty percent of me loves playing."
"Then find a study buddy!"
"Err... excuse me?"

So, have one teeny-weeny question, and in fact, is the stupidest of all.
Anyone cared to be my new best buddy?

Monday, March 7, 2011

Eye-soothing

Once, people said, when you look at someone, you feel like you wanna beat him up, that's call 'F*** Face'. You feel uneasy when you look at someone.



But recently, I met two person. Two of them do not have any F-Face syndrome, but I feel like I am tired when talking to them. Bla-ing all those irrelevant topics, some close to yellow, some close to girls and lengluis. It made me uneasy, but not enough to beat them up.



Plus, recent events had escalated my feelings from a mountain peak to the valley deep. EMO? No, just simple depressed. LOL. Luckily I have my BF friends to play around, Emun to speak awkward Bahasa Malaysia in campus...



Those recent events that made me depressed is the attitude of the Prey and the strange and 'exotic' bonding with Queue. They made me stand on a bench while I was tipping over. Choosing one side might harm the other.



Yeah, not Charybdis and Scylla (is it spelt correctly?)...



I felt difficult...



But then, today, this evening, I finally met someone whom I have longed to meet. LOL. At quick glance I didn't realise it was him. My 'old' friend from Foundation Sem 2. LOL...



It was really a relieve to see him. Not because he is a super super super great friend of mine. But somehow, it was a relieve. As if all my trouble has gone away in an eyeblink. Eye-soothing eh? Dunno...



That incident made me forgot all about Queue and Prey...



Night world, may the skies paint with stars...

Sylvina

A lot of readers have been asking me about the true story of Sylvina and how it ended. Well here it is, SPOILER warning.

Sylvina was born in 1541 in Othripus. Originally a neutron star matrix slamming to Othripus, the matrix reorganized itself from scratch to form a full human. But because of her not being an original human (even though she had DNA), she could change her skin tone for camouflaging.

1948, she first met and saved Herphecius. After the victory of Szedna over Mynemoscene, her valiant effort using her whip in the battle had turned the tables. King Szedna finally approved her stay in Szedna and trusted her on several affairs, one of it was investigating a brief lightning dome appearing at the Far East after the death of Herphecius friend.

Shortly after, her numerous discoveries had made the king uneasy. First was the infiltration of an interstellar nanobots codenamed 'Deriph' (an artefact sent by a 1545 human) with a neural augmentation. Then the discovery of Vhon Spheres that allowed instant teleportation as well as making a friend that looked like a fish (which, in fact, was a human, Rimdi).

Then, a minor war between Men and Machines during Sylvina's visit was waged. Her intelligence and neural augmentation had allowed Men to win for the first time, which inadvertently granted her stay at the Men's only city - Oroligath.

After she had returned to Szedna for a Revolution War, or Battle of the Millions, another war had broke out between Men and Machines. She was magically killed by her own stepfather then unknowingly.

She woke up several months later, realising her body while swarming with Deriph robots, she couldn't be killed by magic. However the scenery of Othripus had changed. There were no more trees and the floors were covered with metal tilings and blue circuits, except the area around her. Machines carcasses were found all over her but she wasn't hurt.

It was Deriph who destroyed the machines by constantly emitting strong EMP.

She then returned to Oroligath, confident that no one had survived this catastrophe.

This was her main part of story. Next was somewhat sadder than the first.

She went to Vapidus Nexus, several hundreds of light years away for war against the Vapidus, with Vohne. Till then, Vohne had become a machine substrate by accidentally accepting an alien artefact Hex, which allowed him to break into zillions of pieces at any time.

At the same time, Sylvina discovered some of her body began to lose visibility, or even vanished. Panicked but kept secret, she was told the truth that she was a Neutron Star matrix, which would decay after a lifespan. She understood that the matrix was used to heighten any knowledge of a particular sentient being. She violated that task and became a human. Since the heightening effect only stayed for a while, the matrix began to breakdown.

Till the final days, Vohne still could not marry Sylvina as Sylvina had become a ship as well as simulation, rather than just decaying away into metal dust. She and Vohne then continued their adventure in space, not knowing what had happened to Herphecius, Othripus. They just wanted their human bodies back.

The novel ends.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

A Day Without Thinking


Today, woke up at 6am, wore a bright yellow shirt, going to pasar for a breakfast with other 11 red shirt-ers. Yup, we are going to the Hope Mission Home, Teluk Intan for our assignment.


I saw those kids with smiling faces. Active and energetic. I can't help but sighed over my 'seniority' and 'aging'. I can't catch up with them.


So much for generation gap huh?


There's one kid who was fond of me. Sticking to me wherever I went. He even tickled me like he tickled everyone. I forced myself to tahan it. He called me master. LOL. Because I didn't even budge.


My heart sank...


I remembered once, I had a friend, whom I played, studied and joked together. But it all ended. Ah, so that's why I become so sensitive in friendship huh? Hmm...


I also realised that I have barriers to let people know me. Here are the barriers I put up from the outermost to the innermost:

Barrier 1: This makes my look super serious from the outside, preventing any close encounter.

Barrier 2: This makes up my a little serious and occasional jokeful manner. Typical 'hi-bye' friend.

Barrier 3: My barrier breaks down 50% in this level. You can see me as a timid, shy, passive and playful character.

Barrier 4: Unless you are my parents, then you are impossible to penetrate through this barrier.


So which barrier have you penetrated? Rank yourself. If you reached barrier 3, then you are my good friend, if you reach barrier 1, unfortunately, there's something in you I don't like, or, I don't feel necessary for you to know me much.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

A Deal with Devil


The Wanderer had no choice but to have a deal offered by the Devil. He needed to secure the Prey as well as bond with Queue. It's a risky deal, the Devil had told him that any mistakes would result him being expelled from the Guild and face forever in exile.


Yes, you guessed that right. I am the Wanderer.

The university is the Grey Palace.

Now, keep on guessing the rest.


PS: The Devil has nothing to do with any religious element. It's just a metaphor.

Music


I lost my soul to music. I remembered last time when I was in secondary school, people who knows how to play instruments are treated like rare breed, pure breed, sacred and whatever sainthood names.


"Learning music needs talent!" I heard someone said.


All I can say is, talent is nothing. You create your own talent. It's not innate. Everyone's brain is the same when they are born. If you choose to glue your butt and watch TV or computer all the time, then you've got a - sadly - retarded mind. If you choose to read those romance/love novels or comics, then you've got a - sadly, as well - a mind that has wild but impractical imagination.


I learn music because I want to, not I deserve to. And because of music, I realise that everyone has a unique mind that resonates at a certain sound.


That sound, is the sound of talent.


Some people, when you mix with them, you get a loud ring like a bell. That tells you their minds are clear and sharp, ready to put on some real work. Some people has a blabbering bell, very annoying and irritating. You would put off as many distance as possible with them.


Here, in UTAR, I found another big but complicated family - Music Club, Weekly Classes division. I find many people with vast knowledge, skills and characters. Be it negative or positive, life is exciting when you have both.


Violinist like WeiFa and Richard, Guitarist like JuanWyn and Keyboardist like WeiWei and Edison (sorry, just to name a few), this people made up my rojak life.


Someone in those division asked me to be like before, during secondary, where I stood respected and trusted, where people are relieved enough to give me work and projects.


But I said 'No'. I don't know why I said that. Low profile? Or lazy?


Anyway, love music. That's all that matters.

Friday, March 4, 2011

NIght Has Light


Even my not-so-close friend can notice my depressed face. Oops, not EMO face yeah? Depressed. It means my eyes are a little tired, mouth downturn but still able to smile and talk, and get tired easily.

Beyond my own coursemate and some other mates from under the same faculty, I have other friends, but sadly, weird enough, is it this year's Foundation (not stereotyping) students are a little bit immature in the way of their talking? Some spoke of never-ending girlfriend stories, some spoke of fashion and beauty.

OK, fine, I know my brain is as old as a 70-year-old. But hey, I don't face this problem when I chat with my classmates or coursemates. Ada masalah ke?

It was like, you are in a house, full of friendly and warm faces, and when you stepped out, there's nothing there except darkness.

You speak to squirrels and they sprinted off.

You speak to fish and they swam.

You speak to a tree and a leaf fell.


WTH!


But at least, I can still see the moon or stars in the darkness. There is hope, when your dreams hold true. I will continue to hold this dream and still, my mission, my ultimate mission, is to break the Cycle (still want me to repeat the definition of Cycle in my life? No, not bicycle you doofus!)


And I am being troubled by two opposing forces:

HIGH profile vs LOW profile

Which is better?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Me : Desire


Ya, I know the picture sucks, but hey, it's my 3rd (I guess?) using a mouse and the Paint program. I am still mastering it, maybe a few more months later you might see a water-coloured painting.
No, that boy there is not me. It's just picture, so don't think too much...
Lately, I know you all have been seeing me depressed. It's all because of Q and the Prey (yeah, the Wanderer stories). Both sides have been making me troubled for so long...
Maybe my desire to have new best friend is too strong.
Maybe my desire to own someone is too strong.
But it just failed.
The mentality here is like.... childish?
Boy and boy walk and talk = gay
Boy and girl walk and talk = couple
Boy and dog walk and talk = ?
OK, I don't want to get that far, but you sure know what I mean.
*sigh*
Where are all those new friends I am seeking for? Forget about Q and Prey, I don't think they will last long with me though...

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Vispa-Ahn's Apprentice

Artist impression only. More details can be found in my novel

Vispa-Ahn is a Rogue in my story that controls the night and stars. With two pairs of eyes and five Spirit flags as well as riding on a beast called Sturlom, they all are silhouetted in shades of yellow and black.


Some abilities of Vispa-Ahn are creating Spirit Snares, Spirit Storm, Spirit Ram and Spirit Dragon, all with the use of his five Spirit Flags. Souls that he slain are kept in his flag to be summoned and he, arguably, was the most fearsome Rogue ever walked on the world.


His Apprentice - Nikeshga, is another terrible Lady. A Spirit Snare that gained intelligence and life, she is able to turn every one into ghosts at her will. Her radiance kills the lights of most people and her life-leeching ability is unbearable. Often known as Banshee, she haunts the mind of those who are dying or deserve to die, and then she killed them in their sleep.


No one ever saw her true body, only her Goddess like face.

FOUND


After a tiresome search journey, my wallet is BACK!
Thanks to a student from Guitar Advanced Class. Gonna start to learn how to love Guitar now. LOL.... (just for the sake of pleasing that little Juanwyn Didi... XD)
I wanna thank all those who helped to share out my notice on FB, till the Student manage to got the message, even I don't know him/her.
Thanks to your prays and help!
Some more, those who comforted me, tell me to be strong and stay positive, helped me search street after street, observe every step taken in the campus, you all owe me a big THANK!!!!
From this incident, I really know many kinds of people:
1) Don't bother, don't care
2) Helpful and kind
3) Caring and encouraging
4) Greedy and materialistic
5) Homophobic (because some male said helping another male A LOT is like a gay... ==)
Anyway, thank GOD!
Amitabha!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Lost


I am lost.
I lost my wallet and nearly lost my oxygen tank (aka water bottle)
I lost my friend and I lost my dignity.
(I lost my art skills too, so sorry for the lame picture)