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Sunday, May 29, 2011


LOL. I dunno whether I should return the hint.

Alright, let's be frank here.

You want me to be your friend

Just say so.

Why is it so difficult for you to speak up?

Don't tell me because you scared I might reject your offer?


Or we will 'break up'?


Oh, come on

I am very cincai eh

If you are a nice person

which I think you are

I sure will be your friend

No need hinting

by asking people

to ask me something

or post something

on Facebook

to tempt me to reply

or LIKE my status

but didn't reply


Stop hinting.

Be straightforward.

Friday, May 27, 2011


I actually am a man of secrets

Some of you might know some

Some of you might know none

Hmm, feeling guilty nowadays. I don't know why. But hey peeks, my feeling is just as good as every other day! So cheer! I am not EMO-ing. LOL, if that's what you're thinking.

First, apologise to my parents
For getting a suck result.

Second, apologise to my RCM friends
For being a bad and annoying friend

Third, apologise to my friends
For what I did previous semester

Fourth, apologise to everyone
For creating misunderstandings

Fifth, apologise to hang outs
For rejecting or pouring cold water

Sixth, apologise to Keyboard Dept
For not being a good leader

Seventh, apologise to WeiWei
For telling you too much 'stories'

Eighth, apologise to WeiFa
For the 'tupperwares'

Nineth, apologise to Mr Soong
For the main tembak thingy

Tenth, apologise to all FB friends
For spamming my own wall

Hmm, people said, there are only two outcomes after apologising:
1) Your relationships can get stronger.
2) Your relationships can get more distant.

Which one will you choose?


Hmm. I didn't quite have my sembreak. After that stupid Macroeconomics test, I went back to ipoh a day after. Saturday, noon. Then Sunday, next comes Monday, Tuesday is the day after and Wednesday follows up. And tadaa...! It's Thursday and I have to fly back to Kampar.

All these days, what have I done huh?

Nothing. I makan only.

Roasted duck, smoke duck, dry curry prawn, wet curry fish...
Movies? Hell, no.
Hangouts? Don't even talk about it.
Activities? Other than playing piano and writing songs? Nope.

Boring life right?
Nah, spending time with family is not boring. =)

Yuppy, back to Kampar for that RCM thingy.

So now what am I doing now? Hehe, still reminiscing the fun and memorable part of RCM where I bullied my counter assistants, friends and... and... I think nothing else. Made a few friends. Emphasise on the word 'FEW' here.

There are some misunderstandings I wish to clarify before things get spiral out of control, especially when gossips is the best medicine to kill boredom.

  1. I am NOT the RCM committee. Please stop calling me 'committee'. I didn't wear blazer, so I am not. And hor, pretty funny for you all to come asking me things that should be referred to committee. LOL.

  2. I am NOT a Year 3, nor a Foundation student. I am neither too old, nor too young. =D

  3. I am NOT from FEGT, FICT or FSc. I am a petty, decent Banking and Finance student, although my face looks 'doctor-y' or 'scientist-y'.

  4. I am NOT a serious guy. I am rather sampat and biantai. Blue topics (or yellow)? Not a problem to me, as long as you can bare with me with the dirty talk. XD

  5. I am NOT having Tanning as my girlfriend. Gosh, how could this thing get so unthinkable?

  6. And lastly, I just knew Kalvyn from the first day of RCM. Don't speak as though we have known each other for a long, long, long time. LOL. What makes you all think both of us have known for a long, long, long time?

Alright, results out, sembreak is over, fun ends, time to pack up and move forward! This sem target: 2A's, 2A-'s.

Come on baby!

Once I am determined, I can be very determined.

Thursday, May 26, 2011


3R's. Damn.

I never felt like this before. I feel like giving up everything. When I need someone to carry my weight, I couldn't find any. Am I as lonely as ever? Or is it everyone is afraid of me?

Maybe it's my face

Maybe it's my attitude

Maybe it's both

Why, in the world, I'd be like this?

I thought of having fun.

It's true then

my third semester sucks

Relationships ruin

Result devastated

What could be worse?

Joining RCM

was my best choice?

better choice?

or just a plain fun?

I am not blaming RCM

because my result

doesn't rely on it

I am just saying

the feeling is like

a tsunami.

The degree of happiness

rising day by day

since day 1

of RCM.

Then today

it crushes and crashes

down deeply.

I need someone

or something

to lift me up.

I did weightlifting explosively

I did play games to relieve myself

But all those fail.

Is it true

that a word

from a friend

might calm

the malevolent sea?




Save me.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


LOL. I am really emotional. ASEP2005 I wrote, KTJ I also wrote, Karaoke I also wrote. And now?

RCM. Registration, Campus tour, Mass Call.

Maybe I am used to do secretarial job. Imagine, planning a Langkawi trip during my primary 6, secretary of Celcom Youth Ambassador (previously was Planning and Design Department Manager), assistant secretary of Poi Lam Prefectorial Board.


That's why I love to do registration part for RCM, and also partly because Issac and his managers elected me as a counter manager, and I still don't know why. Who cares? Sometimes life gives us something unexpected and we still have to work the best of it, although I admit I didn't do my best during the registration. I only create annoyance. LOL.

One thing I am happy for registration department is, all counters are friendly to each other. LOL. Happy moment especially with Siewcheng, Tanning the gang and also Kalvyn, Panda etc etc and etc.

Mass Call? LOL. I feel like I am a shepherd chasing sheep and goats across Heritage Hall. No offence ya! Just a plain joke. But it's tiring because I have to run the whole Heritage Hall, literally. Stupid stamina. I should have built it better.

Another I beh tahan is my SWEAT!!! I sweat a LOT. I am not hot, but the sweat keeps coming out, till PuayCian had to keep asking me to wipe away. DAMN! I need a towel next time.

But, seriously, after Foundation, I rarely go out or hang around with SiewCheng and her gang. This time, I feel like I am back in Foundation, having fun. I missed the good old days when she called me 'ah girl' and I called her 'ah boy'. Haiz. The time we saling tembak. Haiz.

OK. I know this post is long...

So, finally,

I want to say:

Thanks RCM for bringing wonderful memories. Thanks every friends I made and have fun with. I love you guys. I am terribly sorry for being a lousy counter manager and super annoying to keep asking you guys 'any problem? stock got check'. SORRY.

If I am a bad friend, tell me. I wish to improve.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


I am possessive. That's why I can't let go things easily. Once I got it, I must have it. I cannot lose it. I don't know what kind of brother, or boyfriend, I am going to be if I have another person next to me.

When I know someone that I feel great to be with (no, not necessary girls, emphasise on the word 'great'), I will try to help that person, talk with that person, or accompany that person (if the situation is that person is really really lonely).

No, I am not trying to pancing that person. It's like, erm, I like that person and I want to know more so that we can be better in the future circumstances. Sort of besties? Pals? Partners? I dunno the term. I am afraid any term I used might spark someone to think that the term is gay.

Then, if I find that that someone has actually had pals, partners or whosoever, I will retreat. Yes, I will retreat. I will draw a very deep and dark line between me and that person. I don't want to ruin anyone's life.

Call me crazy or stupid, will ya?

These two days, I have made some friends, quite some. Really thanks to Isaac for placing me as a Counter Manager, or else I would only know my counter partners. And there are some of the receptionists there are quite, erm, good or great if they are my friends.

Unfortunately, hehe, they have their own life. So, oopsie, no troubling people. No point right? I mean, why grab someone to be your great friend, when they belong to someone's great friend? LOL. Exactly. My principle: Three is not a good number in a relationship.

So, I would tell myself: Eff off!

No, I didn't raise my barrier this time. Because, I am happy to say that, all counter receptionists are GOOD, no, BEST. LOL. Professional, steady, calm, thorough, friendly and careful. I love to be with them, to annoy them.

But hey, it isn't about work only, it's about building a bond between everyone and link them together like a spider web. Looks fragile, but at least the bond is still there.

I am happy for everyone. Even though I thought I can have better 'relationships' with some. LOL. Nah, just dreaming.

Yeah, speaking of dreaming, I know you all knew that once I dreamt of someone, that someone CANNOT be my friend? What I mean cannot means it sooner or later will happen a terrible 'breakup' or some sort of 'farewell', 'misunderstanding', 'partings' etc. It's beyond my control mostly.

And I guessed why it happens. No, I didn't guess. I lied. I 'communicated' with my master. And he said the same thing, I am way too possessive. If I am too possessive of that person, I will lose that person.

Make sense? I dunno. I don't care. What I do care is, my friends are still keeping in touch with me every now and then. SMS me. Call me.

It's not how many friends I've got, it's how many good friends I've got.

New Sem, New Life
New me!


Call me a psycho. I am having a weird kind of sensation that I love to see people around me, especially my friends, to be happy. I know it sounds simple and lame, but I tell you, it strongly affects me. Boy or girl, it doesn't matter. When I see their smiling face, I couldn't help but stand in a corner and watch them smile.

These two days, I was coordinating and assisting the counters for UTAR Registration as a counter manager. Truthfully speaking, I never admit myself as a counter manager. ><. I am just running from counters to counters helping solving problems and raising problems. LOL. Till my legs turned pH1. I never stood at the same place for more than 5 seconds, running from one end of the Heritage Hall to other end.


I love to see them working, talking nicely to the freshies. Some I even stopped by a counter and listened. LOL. Call me a freak, dude.

I don't know what you guys at the Registration Counter think of me. But I admit I am damn annoying. Keep coming to ask you all about the stock, keep coming to remind you to remind the students.

But hey, I tried my best to be at every counter as soon as I left another one.

Anyway that's not my point. My point is, I like to see them smiling when they are free, chatting about favourite things they have or even some gossips. I don't care. I want everyone to be happy with what they are working.

I saw some panicked when trouble arose. I have to keep telling them to calm down... LOL.

In short, I am a nanny.

Then today's one of my friend's birthday. Kalvyn Chia huh? LOL. It's an honour to put your name in my blog if you are reading this. LOL. Psst, I usually have a grudge against that school, but you have proven me otherwise. Glad to know you. Hope you like your surprise.

Oopsie, sorry I didn't go up the stage. Hehe. As I have said, I prefer seeing you all happy above than me going up and spoil everything. LOL. I am a party-killer. I kill parties. LOL.

Anyway, thanks for the ride, Kalvyn. Nice to meet you. Hope you have fun with me, SiewCheng and the gang. Hehe

Monday, May 23, 2011

Who Run This World?

Who run this world? Girls! Girls!

There goes Beyonce and her buttshaking moves. Frankly, I don't like the song. I feel like the song is a kind of cheer then a song. XD. Maybe because I only listen to her only song 'Halo', OK, or maybe 'Sweet Dreams'.

Right, I am not going to chat about Beyonce (My mum even thought she was a 2000's artiste while she was already around in the late 90's. LOL)

After today's working at Orientation. Hmm, what I could say is, mama is dominating the entire family species. I am not attacking the customers today, but what I saw is true.

Mama is the one who answers or asks question while the kid just stand there like a statue.
Mama is the one who paid the bill when the kid said 'I dunno how to pay'
Mama is the one who tell the papa where to hand in the medical form while the kid asked, "need one meh?"
Mama is the one who ask the conditions of a scholarship when the kid just dreaming.
Mama is the one who produce the reciept of payment and kid is asking 'Ma, what size should I wear?'
Mama is the one who ask where is DACE counter, DFN counter etc, but the kid just said, 'No need so mafan, ask the counter people take for us.'


Why everything also 'mama'. I know mama is the best, but come on la, you are already approaching your tweenage. Please be mature.

Don't act cute.
Don't act autistic.
Don't act scared like mouse.


[PS: Do you need your mama to teach you how to make babies in the future?]

Sunday, May 22, 2011

GG Look

Not, that kind of GG. (Anyway, can anyone tell me the origin of GG? Or why is it called GG?). What I mean in this post GG = gor gor.


Gor gor = Big brother

It seems like I have a GG look huh? Previously was serious look, now I am having a GG look. Confused. LOL. Maybe I can hear more from you all why in the world you would think I have a GG look?

There was one, my housemate, new housemate. I helped him sort out his things, tell him what to do during orientation. And guess what, his mother said, "You ah, anything go ask this gor gor understand? He is your gor gor lai de. Respect him ah, understand or not?"

Gosh! Would you believe that?

If I am the son, I would be speechless. Or embarrassed.

Aiyo, I am not that 'brotherly'. LOL.

Previously one of my juniors also call me that. And he even named me as 'senior' wherever I walked past him.

Question: Do I really have the GG look?

Dirty Trick for The End of The World

WARNING: This post contains excessive nonsense and crap. Emotionally unstable viewer should be advised to leave immediately. Any negative outcomes resulting directly or indirectly from this post are not to be taken responsibility by the author. Read at your own risk.

People are warning us, 21 May 2011 is the end of the world. Where disasters come and strike us. Where the Wrath of Nature started to stomp everyone of us flat. No one (as 'they' claimed) will survive this devastating catastrophe of no-merciness.

Alright, let's think the other way round, or out of the box, or put on your thinking hat. Whatever. What are the darkest secret of revealing the End of the World?

Alright, breathe please. Here comes:

  1. Set a date of Judgment Day and claim it is from Maya Calendar, Ba Gua or even from looking at the tea leaves or crystal ball. Make the date as future as it seems but still close to present day. 2012? Yup, it's a future but close to present. Reason? So that mass panic is more effective for the following tricks.

  2. Raise the price of oil and raw materials. Claim that we are suffering from scarcity. Now, everyone has to raise the price of everything. Causing inflation to occur worldwide.

  3. When inflation occurs, import activities reduced because countries want to save their currency from furthre depreciation. Agro countries suffer, because nobody wants to import their agricultural products.

  4. Price continues to rise further because of diminishing food supply. Agro countries accused of stocking raw materials (pity them, it's not them wanting to stock the food, it's because nobody wants to buy for them).

  5. Agro countries argue with other countries.

  6. Mini-war erupt. Terrorist activities increases as a protest to rising food and corrupted state of the agro countries for refusing to export food (kesian the countries).

  7. Some major forces take out the war and bomb here and there. Announce that the leader of the rebellions or terrorist is captured.

  8. Then a minor earthquake happens.

  9. The number of victimes outstanding. Many countries lend their hand to donate food, clothing and necessities.

  10. Scarcity worsens because of this.

  11. Of course, price level rises... again.

  12. People complaning its a symptom of the end of the world is coming as food supply drops together with the natural disaster.

  13. Season change, resulting in a monsoon rain. Some places flood. Rumours of the End of the World intensifies.

  14. Hurricanes occur near the Gulf of Mexico and Taiwan (it's a normal incident that occurs annually due to changing temperature), leads to more fanatic people to believe in the End of the World is coming.

  15. More donation.

  16. Price increase even more.

  17. California forest fire (it is also an annual event. Nothing serious. It happens all the time) but the people believe it's the Wrath of the Nature taking place.

  18. Some people begin to stock some food.

  19. Supermarkets begin to hang this poster: "Only 1 packet per family).

  20. No more year-end sale. Fanatic and psycho shoppaholic 'commit suicide' and 'domestic violence'.

  21. Massive psychology therapy for those shoppaholics.

  22. Psychologists claim that collective craziness occur because of the brain something wrong.

  23. Scientists add on to the claim that because the sun is emitting excited particles to 'sot' the neurons in the brain.

  24. Panic as hospitals being to stock medicine.

  25. Panic as people buy more medicine

  26. Finally when everything is in mess, approaching to the date of the End of the World... they woke up and said:

  27. "I am still alive? Damn those bullshit!"

Haha. It's just a joke. Don't take it seriously. ISA, UN, UNESCO, NASA, NSA, FBI, CIA don't catch me for this. It's just a plain old joke.

Saturday, May 21, 2011


I am blurified. Or being blurred.

I put too much hope on some people. Thought that they 'are' supposed to be 'like this' but, I failed.

Many said that, 'Don't ever look back. It's time to move on.' or 'Don't linger around the shadows of the past. It's the future where your dreams hold.'


Now, when I peek back on last semester, I found that, I, gained nothing. There are some things I shouldn't know. There are someones I shouldn't know. There are some places I shouldn't be there.

It's all wrong.

Previous blogpost, where I spammed 20 photos on it, seemed to be a happy life huh. But actually, here's my voice: My happiness stays with my BF friends. Banking and Finance. I have Puay Cian, Sock Thing, Maggie, Pui Yeng and more. The kind of joy even though we are not laughing, is undeniably sweet.

Let's compare to Music Club. I am not condemning anything about the club. I am pointing merely at some people in there. My keyboard families? Hmm, I don't feel anything. All I feel is a sense of formality, even at the most informal occasion. Penny and the 'hangout' gangs seemed to be just hanging out. LOL. Yes, I agree that they bring lots of joy and happiness, but, I am kinda lonely when they are gone.

Maybe my expectation is too high. But I think that, last semester, was my worst semester. Damn full of emotions. Better be a nerd. Fortunately my BF friends are able to hold me back, or I will go nuts dealing with unnecessary issues.

I am blurred.

There are a total of three people I know last semester that makes me rethink and reevaluate them. Not to say two-faced, but the point of extremely nonchalant attitude is pissing me off. Ask this, 'I dunno. No comment.' Ask that, 'I am poor at this.'

I thought I knew the right people. At the end, I was utterly wrong.


Betrayal and dark secrets lingered between all of us.

Maybe I have known too much information. Maybe I am too 'omniscient'. Maybe I am too foolish. I guess, there are only three people I can trust in Music Club (besides Isaac and WeiZhi those people, since we already know each other for so long). Two girls, one boy.

What I mean trust is, I can speak freely. No boundaries. No much secrets. Open heart.

A lot have been asking me again about the Pilgrim story I wrote earlier on this blog. I would say, the story ended. Whether the story ended perfectly or not, I leave you all to judge, because I would say, next semester, THIS semester, is going to me last, very last, time to mingle around with some pointless people that makes me blurified.

I would like to say who are those people. But it would be like attacking right? I don't want to hurt people. I just want to protect myself again. It was a grave mistake for lowering down the barriers when I shouldn't.

Shields up!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Aura (Part I)

I am psycho. I admit. I can sense something that no one else could.

It happens when I was only Grade 2 in piano music. I came across a word that made me sick: 'cantabile'. I pronounced it as 'can-tah-bile (you know the BILE in our body?)'. I hated it. The way of playing a song in cantabile was super cumbersome.

cantabile means 'in a singing style'. Imagine playing a piano as if the notes are singing.

Alright, it is pronounced as 'kahn-tah-bee-ley'.

But then, my brain tweaked suddenly when I was in primary 5 (I bet I've said this many times). I suddenly developed a skill which my piano teacher never taught me. A skill of a 'sliding volume'. I don't know how to describe it, but I always tell my students the term is 'falling'. Yup, the notes sound as if they were falling.

For a practical example, listen to Sarah McLachlan's 'Fallen'. Yup, that's where I got the name, because that 'falling' effect is flooding in her song.

I thought it was a simple skill. So I began to expect those 'diplomae' know it. Sorry for my stupid English, 'diplomae' is coined by my younger bro which means 'diploma students', and according to my majestic bro, it is pronounced as 'deep-plow-MAY'.

And guess what, NONE of the 'diplomae' can master the skill. So maybe I thought the result wasn't conclusive, so I went to a master from Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra, and Trinity's main officer.

LOL. That day was my greatest day. He said my voicing is damn good and expressive. OK, in piano terms, voicing does not mean singing, it means when there are a cluster of notes pressed down on the keyboard, only ONE must be heard while the rest must be softened, usually the voicing part is played by your baby finger or thumb.


He said, usually not much people can master this kind of 'falling' skills. And, I did almost fly. Because the next week, I am teaching my piano teacher how to do that skill.

She failed.

MUAHAHA... the skill is my trademark from now on. I am not being boisterous. It's true. I taught many people, even my younger bro, who is a prodigy, could not master it properly.

And because of the skill 'falling', I learn to develop emotions towards a song, seeing a song in different colourds. Chromatography.

If a song is in G major, all I can see is green. If a song is in B minor, it's black. E minor songs make blue colour prominent. So on and so forth.

So, now, combining my younger bro's knowledge of chords progression (I tell you, he is good. He can say that chord II can link with chord VI when we all know that chord II only links with chord V) and my power of feelings and chromatograhy, our songs are unbeatable. LOL!

And hey, I got the highest stagecraft marks for every performance OK? I got my Performer's Cert for nothing!

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I love sembreaks. Not because they are holidays (hey, I don't have holidays in my life), but because they give me a reason to learn something.

I've set myself a difficult task: rewriting Death Waltz. I should have said, that song needed twenty fingers, or maybe more. So in other words, I have to split the song into a piano duet. And, I wrote a song called 'Petals on River'. Purely pentatonic.

They are both completed, within three days. Call me efficient? Effective? Nah, I need my younger brother's assistance. And yeah, one good news for you all (of my original song lovers): Me and my younger brother is coming up a new book. Awesome right?

That't not my main point of the blog though. =)


Right. It's actually my mom. She saw some of my friends' photos. I showed them to her. And, wow, lots of opinions, comments and suggestions. My mind is going to burst. Which friend is really a friend when you need them, which friend is only for your benefit... bla bla bla...

And she said: "You finally let go of someone, haven't you?"

I said: "Yeah, I am glad."

"How did you manage to..."

"It wasn't easy. But I keep telling myself, each semester is a chapter. No matter how, the chapter has to close. When it does, certain characters won't be appearing in the next chapter. We have to continue to flip the next page. No point lingering in the shadows of the past."

"I don't think you have shadows last chapter..." my mum smiled slyly.

"No, I don't. But although it is the greatest moment in life, I should have sought better ones."

"I see what you mean, don't put too much hope on someone..."

"I didn't. And I won't. I nearly did. But I see no point."

"But there is someone in one of your photos I would accept..."


"Never mind, time will tell. Just flip through the chapters... and when a character reappear and lend you a hand, you will know just exactly what you are looking for," she winked.

"Do I...?"

"No, you don't have to voice out your need of help. The help will be there even though you didn't ask for it. Just wait. Be patient..."

I can't wait for the next chapters, guys!
New Sem! New Life!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Pissed Off

You sought after C even though I have given you so much

I gave all I have in mind to help you

In the end,

You turn to C

You know how that feels?

You actually know how it feels?

No wonder a mother will cry

if her kid listens to other people's mother than his own

I know I am not your mother

But the same feeling still applies!

I can't say I like you

I can't say I hate you

I don't even know who you are in me

I don't even know who am I in you

You sanctimonious prick!

Sweet talking (if it's sweet)

and close chatting

makes me believe that you have trust on me

But now

I know

You still don't trust me much,

You come closer to me

just to find anything useful in me

and then you just


Who you think you are!?

You said I am your friend

You said you never .......

Never mind,

what you told me was a pack of lies.

Even there's a wee bit of truth in it

I can't hold on to your words.

I am disappointed in you.

So many times

I have tolerated myself

against my friends

who told me not to be nice to you.

I told my friends

that I believe in you

I believe you know what's best

and who's nice

and who is to trust.


You didn't.

You still turn back to C

after all.

What for you need me?

A friend? A master?

A teacher? A guide?

A ... ?

I am just a tool in your eyes

that you can use it freely

if you want to.

I am just a gold mine

that you can dig all my skills

and add on to C's skills

and still claim that your skills

are from C,

rather than from me.

You know how does that feel?

Eff off!

I thought I can stop talking

Stop interacting

with you all these days.


I failed.

I easily believe in someone

whose words are thought to be true.

Go back to where you are.

Go back to C.

Don't ever ask from me anything.

I won't help you.

I regretted helping you,

troubling myself

crossing all the redtapes

just to help you safely.

Now, I wonder

the offer I told you before

still stands?

I hope I can cancel it.

Because that offer is MINE.

I used to think it should be shared,

But after this incident

I realised how stupid am I

to share things that should be mine.


My life is MINE,

eff off

you silly billy!

I don't want to see you anymore!

You want to know why I pissed things here?

Yup, you are damn right!

I don't have friends that I can tell my personal problems.

I can't solve my problems.

I know you are





I am not.

I am





Get back to your life.


Don't chat with me anymore.


No Facebook


I still stick back to my own words:

Eff off and I am sorry to know you,

you idiot.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011


Right... someone named that one for me. During my secondary school years, my friends have been calling me Confucius Reincarnated. It's a joke. I don't think my classmates (except a tiny few. Emphasise on the word' TINY') know that that was my nickname of the time.

In my earlier secondary school years, I have changed a person whose name put fear into everyone's heart as the naughtiest, laziest, attitude-topsy-turvy-est and everything negative person ever existed, into a better, well-known, adorable person in school.

I was kinda forced to take him up and guide him. Every time, I would keep track of everything he had done, then I would guide him back if he had strayed too far from the path he should go. It took me two years for him to change.

First impression is very important. Once it burns into someone's heart, it stays. His first impression to people was already heavily corrupted. Guiding him back is one thing, people's mindset is another. And that took lots of persuasion to change it.

Then follow up were a series of minor students who needed help in certain ways. I did help. But not that much. I had to help myself too back then. I was emotionally fragile during my secondary school years. LOL.

Form 5. I received a letter from a boy of same age. He and I had studied in the same class since Primary 1 and 2. I can't find him now. Forget that. He wrote me a letter. He apologised to me, which I was surprised. I thought back, and I remembered he was one of the blacklisted guys in school. Broke several rules per day. I got him saved from being fired. He got suspended. That much I can't help.

But I told him, 'You are a good guy. Like everyone else. You break the school rules because you hated the school rules. Take a rest at home for two weeks. Come back if you think you are a good person."

Two weeks later, after the suspension. He came to me personally and told me, 'You are right.'

Surprisingly, he didn't break any school rules after that (because I was a prefect who keeps a record of EVERY single students 'criminal behaviour' for case investigation). I approached him and asked what's gone into his mind.

Usually I would be afraid of him. He beats people. He bullied a lot of people.


He changed. He smiled and said, 'Can you tell me some ways of being a better person?'

Since that day, every afternoon, after class, we would go to the canteen and talk. I would tell him the difference between a bad person and a good one. I taught him how to be bad and good at the same time don't break any rules. I thought him how to excel in studies without studying like nerds (me).

He got an B3 for his Chemistry, which he usually failed.

He thanked me.

And he was lost. I can't find him. Facebook, phone number, house... everything I tried, I can't find him anymore. It was like a bad but beautiful dream...

Now, I am thinking back my friends calling me to start a teaching called 'MinZhi-ism'. It was crazy. But in my heart I know, there is always a good spirit smiling everywhere you go.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Pantang Larang

Pantang larang = taboo (duh!)

Today I saw so many things that made me thought (again). I saw one of my friends wrote on Facebook "Boring...", then another friend commented on the status, saying: "I am here to un-bored you. LOL".

Then, the third person said: "Aiyor, so gay..."

I was like... @.@

Another instance, another friend (it's a different one OK?), wrote on someone's wall. Don't matter the details. It's just a random chat topic. And that someone didn't reply. So that friend asked whether the someone is busy. That someone replied, "Don't chat here la, later people think we gay."

I was like... @.@ again

Finally, the third scenario. Two guys chatting on Facebook via comments and stuff, but the chat stopped abruptly at the sixth or seventh comment, roughly. So my friend kepoh went to ask why the topic stopped. One of them replied 1 hour later, although he was online, saying: "Where got two guys chatting that long de? Weird la."

This time, I didn't @.@ because I was already unconscious.

Is it a taboo for a guy to post something on another guy's Facebook wall?
Is it a taboo for a guy to accompany another guy to chat?
Is it a taboo for a guy to chat super long with another guy?

Answer me people... I want to know...


Hmm... after study week, things are not going well for me.

Diarrhoea. God knows what I ate. Maybe too much on delivery food? But there are reasons why I take delivery food: 1) I'm lazy to go out. Eating out is taking me at least half an hour. 10 minutes cycling to and fro, 10 minutes waiting for food, 20 minutes to eat. 2) Eating delivery food promises satisfaction because you can eat while watching your movie, or reading your notes. 3) This is the main point: no one eats with me =(

Lipscrack. Consume too much ajinomoto I guess. Plus the freaking hot weather here in Kampar. April showers is finally over and now the sun is creeping back up. Even the chocolate in my refrigerator melted! The salt from the lake, heat from the sun, radiation from the tar... all these have caused my lips to dry up like a dried persimmon. It is now bleeding. Argh.

Hothead. Long hair = heat insulation. Good for deflecting heat, as it has a good blackbody radiation potential. But when the heat builds up within my thicket of hair, it's totally unbearable. I got my brain haywire a few times. Temper increasing. Level of tolerance diminishing. Fortunately I am alone in my room, occasionally JingCong and KaiYuen come in and have a short (sometimes long) chat. Or else I got crazy for being marooned in my own island.

Insanity. You guys have peeked my profile picture on Facebook. Well, glad to say, that's me. LOL. So far my insanity level is kept in check. Constant chatting and commenting with, say, my housemates, WeiWei, Dominance have at least made my mind 'functionable'. I cannot imagine what will happen if things turn otherwise.

BUT, one thing remains the same: No one cares! LOL. No one cares how you are feeling, until you go about showing your sick face, or spread around your news. LOL! That's how human works. They only function when you push them. Petty square brainers. LOL. Look, I am not asking someone to care for my present condition, but I would like to tell everyone that, you don't need people to voice out their pain only you come to help. Because if you did, it would be too late.

People is drowning and calls for help. By the time you save him, he's already choking or maybe drowned. Help him when he falls, not AFTER he falls. Ceteris paribus.

Nah... just blog for fun. For those having yer holidays, look after your surrounding people ya! For those having exams, well, I have nothing to say: look after yourselves. LOL.

Till again

Friday, May 6, 2011

Cerebral Congestion

Three more to go... two theories....


I am having a cerebral congestion here. Studying nonstop is clearly not a way to excel.


Hungry... but don't know what to eat during this hot night.


Headache because of studying.


Longing for human companion during this difficult times.


I typed 'damn' too many times.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

3rd Semester

WARNING: The following content contains elements of SS, event-kepoh-y, non-halal and unhealthiness. Viewers/Readers discretion advised. And oh, the blog is damn long.

Well, folks, oldfolks, folksongs... (OK, this is getting too far), this is it. The end of the semester, my 3rd semester, is coming. Although it is more than 17 weeks of pure fun, I can say that this actually feels like a year to me, a major breakthrough for me. I got to know more friends than I used to be (except in Foundation Sem 2, where my networking span out like a hopelessly entangled spider web).

I know you guys are hoping me to post up more pictures as my blog is all about words words and words, well then, here I am, photo-full blogpost. My private and glorious life, exposed. Repeat: EXPOSED.

First, I went to a softskill talk by a Maybank Advisor, Mr Ng Thian Watt. Hmm, I was randomised into another absolute stranger group of 100% girls. Awkward. But I, we, think our group is the best in taking initiative, having fun and talk. We just jabbered all the way till the session ends. New friends, New fun! Here's the photo:

Then, my mum also cooked me some lamb-and-pork curry. I was thinking who liked to eat lamb by the way in Kampar. So I posted 3 times on Facebook with NO response. Akibatnya, I forced to ask WeiWei, DomDom and JuanWyn to eat it. BTW, someone took the most. And DomDom had cooked some ABC soup for the night too! [PS: Why I had curry that day? Because it was my birthday! Notice the red egg in the photo and it was the day I lost my wallet for 24 hours and found.]

I also participated (forced) in an orphanage-visit programme for our assignments at Teluk Intan. Wow, those kids are really energetic. Raped two of my group mates and clinged on another two. I was tickled by one of them and I pretended to have no response. Ha. That kid called me a 'Master'.

Another event I took was the KTJ (Kolej Tuanku Jaafar) Battle of the Composers. We didn't win. NienLee, JuanWyn and I took part. But I admit, something happened back there that wasn't there before. LOL. Had fun. This is the first time I actually played with Mr Soong. LOL. Nostalgic. Though I guessed I won't be taking part anymore. =(

Then, I was recruited as a Karaokay Competition 2011 helper by Isaac. Ticket receiver, konon. LOL. Not the post I was hoping for, but at least I can help out my friends in deco while studying QT and Macro together. Ha. Multitasking. *slaps chest* Everyone wore red on that day. It was so... CNY feel?

Another thing: After the Karaokay Competition, we went out 'yumcha' (that's our norm). With 15 (11? It's currently under debate) tables joined together, we hardly can speak to one end of the other table. Communication was broken down into two parties while Faruq joined both.

Then I had my first dream come true of joining the trip of MPO. Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra. Alice Sara Ott, the pianist with a long hair and elegant fingering. Ahh... swooning soon. Too bad no photos are to be taken in that hall. (Protest: the hall was damn nice) And I had my 2nd Sushi King visit in my entire life. Dunno what to order, I just ordered the same thing as Mr Soong - Salmon Steak.

And, we finally met WENGYEW, our 'guitar lao'. Missed him so much after he had graduated. Makan at Teppanyaki and hanged out with him. It's definitely memorable. Can you imagine meeting someone who had separated with you for so long?

I also took part in the Volunteerism Run following that week. It was fun waking up at 5am, walking to the basketball court to be picked up. Damn, malfunctioning bus, took wrong bus and took the third. My gosh... but the event started at 8.15am. =.= So much for time management.

Another shocking news: I joined Dance Drama 2011. It was all fate and accidental. I never thought that I can know someone called Dominance and immediately placed me under the committee list. Note: I joined the Dance Drama because I wanted to be a helper. And I went to photoshooting for the promotional video. Gotta admit, I sucked at taking photos. You know that.

For the 2nd time (3rd?), I went to perform my keyboard songs. Right, with JuanWyn and JingCong (sexy saxophonist). It was the UTAR Beach Party 2011. I know some complained about the event. But I am NOT going to give comment here. I just had fun. Watching bikini girls and playing with real snake (I know wriggling thing is my phobia, but hey, it's not wriggling)

I had one last night with my music club gang at McD. Those who were joining that night (28.4.2011) were NienLee, Faruq, WeiWei, DomDom, JuanWyn, Julia, and Calo. That was the night I got mental deterioration. Thanks to all those who were concerned about my health.

Speaking of eating, I ate at Vegas 3 times this semester. But I think the most reasonable and affordable food was the super mambo burger. Haha. RM29.90. And we shared equally. The photo you saw was the time I ate with WeiWei and WeiFa. Damn full. It's not about the food, it's about how we had fun!

Then Mr Soong ajak me to Grand Kampar Hotel for our lunch with WeiWei and NienLee. The price there was OK. Cheaper. Much more cheaper if you eat somewhere else, because the ice lemon tea was refillable unlimitedly, entree, main course and dessert. Wow. Thanks, Mr Soong! Next time bring me there again ya!

Alright, don't tell my mum one thing during this semester: WeiWei, NienLee, Faruq, DomDom and I hanged out at FireZone till 12.30am, and then we crazied ourselves singing with the ukulele. We even walked while singing and playing, just like a parade. Marching around Ghany Corner and makan lok-lok. I swear I didn't eat! Met Jazlynn and WaiHong there too! Then we marched again to McD upon DomDom's request for Sundae Cone. I didn't eat as well. We saw Desmond Khoo there. Woots. What a night. At 2am, WeiWei requested to go to A Station (CyberCafe) to play L4D. Guess what, played till 5am. Totally fatigued, resulting in my friends warnings. LOL. Sorry.

That's all for my semester blasts. Thanks for everything, everyone and everywhere I went.

Take It & Let Go

Me: "Mum, I have something to ask you: Why is it hard for us to let go?"

Mum: "What do you understand by the term 'let go'? In our lives, we can only let go of something when you have taken something. True?"

I nodded.

"Now, take it this way, you take the final exams and eventually you are going to let go of the paper and hand it in. That's taking and letting go. Then, when the result is out, you go and take it, or accept it, before you finally letting it go to pursue you second semester. Everything comes in pairs. Even when you eat, you take food into your mouth and letting it go at - uh - 'you-know-where'..."

"Is there such a thing which we can take it and hold on to it forever?"

"No. There is no such thing. Even love from your parents is not forever. You know why?"

I shook my head.

"When you were born, we, as your parents, will take you as our dearest child. We nurture you, love you, till you slowly grow up. And at that moment of time, we will let you go. You will be free to roam wherever you want, do whatever you wish. But, in return, you have to take us up. You must give us back the love to complete the cycle. Till one day, when we are gone, you have let us go."

"What happens next?"

"You, then have to take someone else in return. Your new family, siblings, kids... friends... till you let go of them."

"That means, I can have something or someone forever provided when I let them go, they take me up?"

"Yes. That's how life is. Take it and let it go. It's an endless cycle."

"Do you believe in friends forever?"

"Yes, but there is such rare thing as best friends forever. No one will afford to take you up because they have to let something go first. Or you have to let go of something. It always comes with a price. It is rare, but should you find it, I do wish you can treasure it badly."

"So there's a minute possibility that I can find a forever friend?"

"Yes. It must take perfect timing that either of you must take up another, and when it's time to let go, the other must take another up before it expires..."

"I see... what if it expires?"

"You'll get marooned. You will be left alone in the dark in despair. No matter how strong you are, how brave you are, accompaniment is a need and it is buried deep inside our genetics. No one wants to be expired. You will know the feeling when it comes."

"I see... "

My mum suddenly squinted at me. "You cannot let go someone you have taken up, haven't you?"

Anyway, I am glad to say, those words have opened my heart. I now know something important: a young bird, once it knows how to fly, it must fly away. Let it go and it will fly, even the mother has to let go, although in the heart, everyone wishes it to fly back one day.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


It's morning and it begins with a light drizzle and steady hum of thunder. I guess it won't flood like before. Everyone in Kampar seems to be phobia of the heavy rain. As I type, the drizzle has gone into a rhythmic pitter-patter now... Hmmm...

I woke up at 8am. Finally. To my horror, my mouth was gummed tight. It took me a while to open my mouth without tearing my lips. What's wrong with me nowadays? Metamorphosising? Brushed my plague teeth and sat in front of the computer checking my blog.

Then I went to bath. To my second horror, something that shouldn't bleed has bleeded. It is super hurting me. I am not cursing yet. I walked out shakily, changed on new shirts and realise a new hairstyle for me and it's quite nice. So, I didn't comb my hair. XD. For the first time. (Excluding the time I shaved my hair to 1.2 inches high)

Suddenly, something echoed in my mind. All sorts of my pissed-attitude rushing into my mind and whammed around the edge of my skull. I felt so... strange. Why is it all of a sudden? Is it because of the weather? The bleed? Or the *flips hair* hair?

I sat down quietly and did what I used to do. Think about all my pissed-attitude and listed them down one by one with precise details. This, ladies and gentlemen, is called 'extraction'. For me, after you extract all your negativity from your mind, all you leave is positivity, provided you don't look at the list again.

Don't look... don't look...

And yet, I did...

I was horrified about my negativity. No wonder I pissed people off, even my friends who laugh and play with me. I am annoying. This can be proven by my constant posting at Facebook. I bug people life and give advice if it's necessary, even if no advices are given, I give them sh*t by laughing at them. I am ego. I always think I am the mighty one (fortunately, that egoness has diminished). I am damn selfish. I never give. Although I help friends, sometimes I help them because they are my closer friends. I am irresponsible. I push aside all responsibility directing to me, if possible, because I don't want to be scolded, blamed or yelled at...

Should I stop or correct?


As my 'extraction' completed, all that left in my mind is my last name. It signifies wisdom, knowledge and intellect. I smiled on that one. Not that I am SS-ing, it's just that, I realise I have to fulfil my name's sake. It's called 'Live up to your name'. I admit I am not smart in many ways, except in concepts of General and Special Relativity, Biomechanics and Astrophysics, but, there are numerous things in life I haven't learnt well. Example? SMILE.

I do wish I have someone to talk to like before. I mean, someone on par with me. Someone who can listen and help, which in turn I can listen and help back. Someone to support on my back, give me the ears and shoulders when I need, give me some words that can push me...

I am weak, that's one of my negativities. I am solo, but I am weak. Many people thought, someone get solo because he is independent, strong, brave and proactive. But, I am not. I am highly dependent, weak, coward and passive.

Alright now, the drizzle has stopped. Time to stop complaining and work up.

[PS: Facing the wall and notes alone in the room is deadly. I seriously need human voice and communication with me.]

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Collection of Voices

  1. If you spend too long holding on to someone who treats you like an OPTION, you've missed the chance of finding someone who treats you like a PRIORITY. (Who huh?)

  2. Even friends can jealous of your friendship with others.

  3. Overheard someone protecting his friend: "Don't bully him. I don't like it."

  4. People who reply you with "LOL" or "=.=" is simply because they don't wanna talk to you anymore. So stop the topic.

  5. People start treating you nice because they want to pay back what niceties you have done. So when the debt is paid, they can just leave you on your own.

  6. Being possessive over somebody results a disaster in possessing others.

  7. Fake people are everywhere

  8. Trust the fact: Nobody is truthful. Nobody stands by your side when you need 'em

Chemistry Life

Don't be amazed that I post Chemistry stuff instead of Physics. I know you guys are dying to wish me becoming a Biologist or Astrophysicist. But I am not. =)

In our lives, we meet and bump into people. Now, that's Chemistry. Atoms and molecules randomly collide, slide, rotate and vibrate at different energy states (OK, energy states is a little bit about Physics). But the end results often create a huge variety of chemical soup (I know 'primordial soup' is a Biological term).

Now, let's see what kind of Chemistry is going on when two or more people meet:

Magnetite creation. This would cause some attraction and repel between people. You get the right polarity and you would be attracted by the other person.

Aspartame creation. Alright, if you don't know what it is, it's an artificial compound that sweetens food. Go find it in Coca-Cola. It's a thousand times sweeter than sugar. LOL. Yup, if you meet another person and create this, your life is going to be sweet for a long while. BUT, the sweetening will end eventually.

Acids/bases creation. Don't hope much. Your reaction makes everything happening between you and the person getting drier and drier, and sometimes toxic emerges. Go and rethink your energy level before 'bonding' with others.

Heavy atom creation. Yeah. Uranium, Roentgenium. You got that right. You and your partner bond so fast that you both become 1 single heavy atom. Don't get happy. You are damaging your people around you by constant fission and radiation. Keep away from me!

No reaction. LOL. What are you? Noble gases or something? Ego? Selfish? Or... autistic? Oh come on, there is a compound called Xenon difluoride. But, sadly, it happens under UV light. So, what's wrong with you when meeting people? Shy?

Diamond creation. This is one helluva bond. I don't know how you do it, but you and your partner seemed to be bond in a strong way. No fire, no water, no acid, no heavy atom is going to rip you apart. Unless a nuclear bomb, which, is illogical, since I am talking about Chemistry here guys. Treasure it, pal. I don't care that's your friend, lover or family, just keep it up! And oh, for the cold water, diamond kills diamond. Make sure you stay away from sharp diamonds around!

Reactive carbon creation. I don't take anymore examples. I would just say, hmm, for easy understanding, and I didn't say it's right: you are carbon. You bond with every available hydrogen, chlorides, aminos and whatever. You exist in everything organic. You are like a God. But, bye bye Carbon if I throw you Arsenic or UV ray. ZAP!

Salt creation. Needless to say. I guess acid and base reacted. But hey, although it's colourful and vibrant, I think you should watch out for other metals. THEY DISPLACE either YOU or YOUR PARTNER...

LOL... forgive me for craziness. I am out of human voice for a very long time, facing the computer and do nothing.


"I am not afraid to take the stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that you are not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road."
~ Eminem

I am getting afraid right now. Afraid to let 1023 knows about how I think about 1023. I don't know whether 1023 felt the same as me, but I want to say something to 1023, but I don't have the guts. Courage is diminishing heavily.

Maybe I am TTM, but I feel like 1023 isn't the 1023 I have known earlier. 1023 seems to be treating me differently. 1023 is more, erm, closer to me? I don't know what's the word, but 1023 surely gives me some relieve when I need.

1023's voice is somehow resonating in my mind. I can't take it off. I keep telling myself 1023 and me are just friends... friends... and friends. Nothing more. But why I can't keep my mind from thinking about 1023?

I am NOT in love. I don't wish to. It's impossible. I just... argh!

I am afraid to tell 1023 about who 1023 and what place 1023 is in my mind among everyone I know. I wish 1023 is doing the same thing too, struggling to tell me things. I hope one day both of us can say it out together, unexpectedly.


I hope we can...

Argh. Forget it.
Too afraid to say it out loud.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Temporal Dimension

Scientists put TIME as one of the dimensions isn't for nothing. In my philosophy, TIME is everything.

It has a beginning and the end. Time picks up easily and stops easily. Everything we do, has a beginning point and the ending point, as we travel along time.

For instance, we go to the market. We don't only walk across some distance, but some time as well. Time, in fact, matters. Either live or die, happy or sad, got it or lose it.

To be honest, I have got someone and lost someone numerous times. Reason? My bad attitude.

I have a very bad attitude.
I tend to be selfish when I see it as my advantage.
I am very insisting. If you don't follow my way, I will be pissed off.
I am very possessive. Once I have it, I won't let go, unless you prove to be useful enough to take it.
I am having a super laid back attitude in doing things. I don't care the deadline is near.
I am cruel perfectionist. I don't take a slight imperfection in doing things. I punish.
I am fierce. You joke when I ain't joking, you better watch out.

Alright, the reason I post this blog?
I believe time will find me a way to end all this. I wanted to correct my attitudes, but I can't, because of the 'insisting' reason and the 'super laid back attitude' reason.

If you think you can handle my attitude, I would like to say, Thanks, I never thought you can tolerate me. For those of you out there, I know you are sick of me =(, but hey, I am sorry. Just give me some time OK? =(

"It's easy getting someone and losing someone. But the most difficult part is having someone. If you have someone by your side, make it difficult for you to lose him/her." ~Neruvatar.


Lately, I saw many posts about 'Friendships' and 'Friends'. LOL. Is it because people are trying to mock me huh? Some even 'MSN' me up and called me 'F.O.F' as a preamble. (BTW, F.O.F. means Father of Friendship... =.=)

OK, you gave me that name, I gave you my lane.

This is the post I saw spreading around like wildfire:

Friends are those who:

  1. Always ask you to 'Go die lah!'

  2. Always ask you to consult the mental doctor

  3. Takes on your weakness and blabber about it one whole day

  4. Always speak right from the heart. No hiding, no shying.

  5. Always smile even though they are not with you playing and smiling.

  6. Always advise you to cross the road safely and walk carefully

  7. Always seemed to be rude at first sight, but help you out when you encounter problem

  8. Although look depress or optimistic, still can play along with you.

  9. Makes you smile when you think of him/her.

  10. Won't get lost in your mind as time passes and distance drags.

  11. Once listen to your slip-tongue jabber and will joke about it forever.

  12. Cannot be forgotten even though contacts are lesser and lesser.

  13. Are not afraid to speak or do things wrongly. (Because of number 4)

  14. Are the first person to come to mind when you miss him/her

  15. Never been picky about who has done more than the other.

  16. Stand by you forever

  17. Will share many things to you.

  18. Even though separated for a long time, the chatting still goes warm

  19. Are the most truthful when together.

  20. Won't feel embarrassed even though haven't meet for a long time

  21. Support you in every crazy thing you do.

  22. Will call you up at night, asking you want to sleep early/wake early

  23. Blabbers a lot till you complain he/she looks like your mother

  24. Do pointless stuff with you when you feel your day is pointless.

  25. You will feel he/she's your friend, no matter what he/she has done!

Now, that's plagiarising. OK. Paraphrasing. Hehe. Gosh, how much have I done in that list? Haha... What about you?


One day, a military commander told 3 soldiers while at camp.
"You, John, get some wood to start some fire... You, Abraham, set up the tents and You, Chang, get some supplies for dinner. Report to me after 5 hours."

"Yes, Sir!"

*Five hours later*

John had a great bonfire and the commander was impressed. Abraham set up a large tent to fit in 20 soldiers. The commander smiled. Then the commander stopped, and asked, "Where is Chang?"

"Getting some supplies for dinner, Sir!"
"And where are the supplies?" the commander got angry.

After searching in the woods, suddenly Chang jumped out from the tree, screaming excitedly,


OK, OK, that's one lame joke.
Anyway, I am telling you guys, I got few surprises in my life. So don't surprise me to death.

Alright, what I am saying is, I do love surprises, but not the kind that when I walk silently, you come and throw a bucket of water on me. If you really do that, the result would be pretty obvious: you're gonna die!

Sorry. Just being exaggerating.

This semester, well, again, is my most surprising semester. Too many good things happen to me till I stopped counting them. The atmosphere, the smiles, the papers, the music. Everything. I don't know whether I can get back the same feeling next semester.

Talk about 'Diminishing Marginal Utility' huh?

Right, I have been up to jibber jabber since this morning call. I can't figure things straight enough. So, excuse me of my scattered points on this blog.

Till again. Ciao!

Care =)

Previously, I often see two of my friends kept posting on each other's wall, teasing, joking, chatting and encouraging each other. But lately, I saw none. The activity ceased to happen. Curiousity has driven me 'stalk' their profiles.

To my amazement, both of them have stopped being friends. I asked them, what had gone wrong. One of them replied "Because of uncertainty. He suddenly talks more to another friend than me."

Right... Guys jealous of guys? Now that's a wee bit weird. I remained calm. I know it isn't about gay sexuality or anything mentally malfunction. So, I asked the other guy. And he replied, "No, I did not intentionally stopped talking to him. It's because he kept saying he was afraid people jeering at him, saying him a psycho for having such close relationship with a guy."

"So you stopped befriending him because of this?' I asked.

"No, it's not like that. He kept on protecting me when people jeer at us. That makes me awful too. It's like having him constantly breathing down my neck. I just got irritated."

I asked the other guy, "Is it true?"

"I just want us to be best friends, that's all. I don't want him to feel like we are somewhat psycho. I don't care how people look at us. We are best friends. If they can't take it, that's their problem. He is still uncertain whether we are still best friends. He avoided me, so that he can have his own life and stop those rumours."

"You guys quarrel just because of these issues? One is trying to help consoling, another is trying to avoid misunderstanding. why don't you guys help each other and show the world that you are in fact the bestest friends in the world? There's nothing psycho about the way you post on each other's wall... It's normal to post things like 'Want yumcha?', 'Watch football later?', 'Hey, get ready for badminton game tomorrow'..."

They both went silent.

One of them asked me, "Have you ever known how it feels like being like this? Accused of something you never did?"

I breathed. "Being best friends aren't about having fun together all day. It's about support. No matter in guys or girls, if you fail to support each other, the bridge between you two collapses. Do you understand?"

"It's.... gayish..."

"Go and define what's a friend to you. Then try match it with whoever has the most matches to your definition." I said sternly.

"Did you, erm, have one before? Like us, I mean..."

"I treasure everyone. But I got used to the idea that guys never care for another guys." I said, with a smile. I swear, there IS a smile. "But I am not going to stop trying. 6 billion people on this planet, and I don't believe none of them care for their buddies."

Guess what.

I saw them posting to each other's wall, apologising in just a few tens minutes later.

I smiled.
I've made the world a wee bit happier. Not only both of them, but me as well.

So, do I have a bunch of caring guys? I leave that for you all to answer. =)

Sunday, May 1, 2011


Do you know why people cannot let go of their past and forget about it?

There is one lame reason I reason about it. Of course it's lame. You know I am a lame guy. Super lame. Snowman-maker, some people claimed, but I just want those who cannot let go of their past to try accept something.

The reason why we cannot forget things is because our eyes has receptors. Optical receptors, which are wired to the brain. Now, that's why! Get the clue? No? Right, let me repeat it: optical RECEPTORS. Got it? There isn't such a thing called 'optical rejectors' or something more nonsensical than that.

The eyes receive what you see and transfer them along with other sensory organs to the brain to be remembered. It's a one-way information transfer, you see. It's also like a computer. Anything you typed on it, filed on it, will burn outright at the hard disk. No matter you throw it into the Recycle Bin or something, the record still holds.

So, there isn't such a thing that the eye can 'expel' or 'exorcise' your unwanted memories. If you have nasty or embarassing break-ups and you want to forget about it, it isn't that easy I assure you.

So, after jibber-jabber and blabber, what is the point of this post when I 'strongly' emphasize on 'you don't get to forget things'? Right, I know some of you might say 'I forgot what I've studied'. This is not my point. I am talking about every day life.

No one forgets thing. The neural pattern is imprinted forever. To erase bad memories, you have to let go. Let things go, get things easy. It's very difficult that you keep on clinging on the shadows of your past. Dancing with those shadows won't make you feel any better. Nor those jealousy eyes, envious minds and sinister hearts.

We all have bad things happening around us. That makes us grow. If you wish to have only good things around, then I suggest you close your eyes and flee to Neverland. This is not the place you want to be in.

Accept the fact that bad things happen for a reasonable reason. Even if it's unreasonable, that at least is still a reason.

Fire and forget.

Now, that's a stupid phrase.

Accept the thing you dislike and live the best out of it. Don't let your mind suppress your heart. Without your heart, your mind is dead (literally, and scientifically proven =D)

PS: My mind capability is restoring! Yahoo!