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Saturday, May 21, 2011

Blurified



I am blurified. Or being blurred.




I put too much hope on some people. Thought that they 'are' supposed to be 'like this' but, I failed.




Many said that, 'Don't ever look back. It's time to move on.' or 'Don't linger around the shadows of the past. It's the future where your dreams hold.'




Bah.




Now, when I peek back on last semester, I found that, I, gained nothing. There are some things I shouldn't know. There are someones I shouldn't know. There are some places I shouldn't be there.




It's all wrong.




Previous blogpost, where I spammed 20 photos on it, seemed to be a happy life huh. But actually, here's my voice: My happiness stays with my BF friends. Banking and Finance. I have Puay Cian, Sock Thing, Maggie, Pui Yeng and more. The kind of joy even though we are not laughing, is undeniably sweet.




Let's compare to Music Club. I am not condemning anything about the club. I am pointing merely at some people in there. My keyboard families? Hmm, I don't feel anything. All I feel is a sense of formality, even at the most informal occasion. Penny and the 'hangout' gangs seemed to be just hanging out. LOL. Yes, I agree that they bring lots of joy and happiness, but, I am kinda lonely when they are gone.




Maybe my expectation is too high. But I think that, last semester, was my worst semester. Damn full of emotions. Better be a nerd. Fortunately my BF friends are able to hold me back, or I will go nuts dealing with unnecessary issues.




I am blurred.




There are a total of three people I know last semester that makes me rethink and reevaluate them. Not to say two-faced, but the point of extremely nonchalant attitude is pissing me off. Ask this, 'I dunno. No comment.' Ask that, 'I am poor at this.'




I thought I knew the right people. At the end, I was utterly wrong.




Worse.




Betrayal and dark secrets lingered between all of us.




Maybe I have known too much information. Maybe I am too 'omniscient'. Maybe I am too foolish. I guess, there are only three people I can trust in Music Club (besides Isaac and WeiZhi those people, since we already know each other for so long). Two girls, one boy.




What I mean trust is, I can speak freely. No boundaries. No much secrets. Open heart.




A lot have been asking me again about the Pilgrim story I wrote earlier on this blog. I would say, the story ended. Whether the story ended perfectly or not, I leave you all to judge, because I would say, next semester, THIS semester, is going to me last, very last, time to mingle around with some pointless people that makes me blurified.




I would like to say who are those people. But it would be like attacking right? I don't want to hurt people. I just want to protect myself again. It was a grave mistake for lowering down the barriers when I shouldn't.




Shields up!

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