I am blurified. Or being blurred.
I put too much hope on some people. Thought that they 'are' supposed to be 'like this' but, I failed.
Many said that, 'Don't ever look back. It's time to move on.' or 'Don't linger around the shadows of the past. It's the future where your dreams hold.'
Now, when I peek back on last semester, I found that, I, gained nothing. There are some things I shouldn't know. There are someones I shouldn't know. There are some places I shouldn't be there.
It's all wrong.
Previous blogpost, where I spammed 20 photos on it, seemed to be a happy life huh. But actually, here's my voice: My happiness stays with my BF friends. Banking and Finance. I have Puay Cian, Sock Thing, Maggie, Pui Yeng and more. The kind of joy even though we are not laughing, is undeniably sweet.
Let's compare to Music Club. I am not condemning anything about the club. I am pointing merely at some people in there. My keyboard families? Hmm, I don't feel anything. All I feel is a sense of formality, even at the most informal occasion. Penny and the 'hangout' gangs seemed to be just hanging out. LOL. Yes, I agree that they bring lots of joy and happiness, but, I am kinda lonely when they are gone.
Maybe my expectation is too high. But I think that, last semester, was my worst semester. Damn full of emotions. Better be a nerd. Fortunately my BF friends are able to hold me back, or I will go nuts dealing with unnecessary issues.
I am blurred.
There are a total of three people I know last semester that makes me rethink and reevaluate them. Not to say two-faced, but the point of extremely nonchalant attitude is pissing me off. Ask this, 'I dunno. No comment.' Ask that, 'I am poor at this.'
I thought I knew the right people. At the end, I was utterly wrong.
Betrayal and dark secrets lingered between all of us.
Maybe I have known too much information. Maybe I am too 'omniscient'. Maybe I am too foolish. I guess, there are only three people I can trust in Music Club (besides Isaac and WeiZhi those people, since we already know each other for so long). Two girls, one boy.
What I mean trust is, I can speak freely. No boundaries. No much secrets. Open heart.
A lot have been asking me again about the Pilgrim story I wrote earlier on this blog. I would say, the story ended. Whether the story ended perfectly or not, I leave you all to judge, because I would say, next semester, THIS semester, is going to me last, very last, time to mingle around with some pointless people that makes me blurified.
I would like to say who are those people. But it would be like attacking right? I don't want to hurt people. I just want to protect myself again. It was a grave mistake for lowering down the barriers when I shouldn't.