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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Drizzle:Sober

It's morning and it begins with a light drizzle and steady hum of thunder. I guess it won't flood like before. Everyone in Kampar seems to be phobia of the heavy rain. As I type, the drizzle has gone into a rhythmic pitter-patter now... Hmmm...

I woke up at 8am. Finally. To my horror, my mouth was gummed tight. It took me a while to open my mouth without tearing my lips. What's wrong with me nowadays? Metamorphosising? Brushed my plague teeth and sat in front of the computer checking my blog.

Then I went to bath. To my second horror, something that shouldn't bleed has bleeded. It is super hurting me. I am not cursing yet. I walked out shakily, changed on new shirts and realise a new hairstyle for me and it's quite nice. So, I didn't comb my hair. XD. For the first time. (Excluding the time I shaved my hair to 1.2 inches high)

Suddenly, something echoed in my mind. All sorts of my pissed-attitude rushing into my mind and whammed around the edge of my skull. I felt so... strange. Why is it all of a sudden? Is it because of the weather? The bleed? Or the *flips hair* hair?

I sat down quietly and did what I used to do. Think about all my pissed-attitude and listed them down one by one with precise details. This, ladies and gentlemen, is called 'extraction'. For me, after you extract all your negativity from your mind, all you leave is positivity, provided you don't look at the list again.

Don't look... don't look...

And yet, I did...

I was horrified about my negativity. No wonder I pissed people off, even my friends who laugh and play with me. I am annoying. This can be proven by my constant posting at Facebook. I bug people life and give advice if it's necessary, even if no advices are given, I give them sh*t by laughing at them. I am ego. I always think I am the mighty one (fortunately, that egoness has diminished). I am damn selfish. I never give. Although I help friends, sometimes I help them because they are my closer friends. I am irresponsible. I push aside all responsibility directing to me, if possible, because I don't want to be scolded, blamed or yelled at...

Should I stop or correct?

Bah...

As my 'extraction' completed, all that left in my mind is my last name. It signifies wisdom, knowledge and intellect. I smiled on that one. Not that I am SS-ing, it's just that, I realise I have to fulfil my name's sake. It's called 'Live up to your name'. I admit I am not smart in many ways, except in concepts of General and Special Relativity, Biomechanics and Astrophysics, but, there are numerous things in life I haven't learnt well. Example? SMILE.

I do wish I have someone to talk to like before. I mean, someone on par with me. Someone who can listen and help, which in turn I can listen and help back. Someone to support on my back, give me the ears and shoulders when I need, give me some words that can push me...

I am weak, that's one of my negativities. I am solo, but I am weak. Many people thought, someone get solo because he is independent, strong, brave and proactive. But, I am not. I am highly dependent, weak, coward and passive.

Alright now, the drizzle has stopped. Time to stop complaining and work up.


[PS: Facing the wall and notes alone in the room is deadly. I seriously need human voice and communication with me.]

6 comments:

  1. Cheer up.. You are not the only one. Hopefully the time will come when you will find your closest and most understanding companion! Jy!!

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  2. haha... i do hope for closest and most understanding companion. I thought I found it before but now... haiz.... all is lost....

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  3. aww.. Don't worry. Sure you'll find one soon, and always remember to appreciate first. You'll never know right? Then only we won't regret in the future.

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  4. Haha... define 'soon'... LOL.... I always appreciate... just have to wait for the right timing for peoeple to take me up.... LOL

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  5. aw.. I duno when aso.. @@
    Adui, I am also facing such stuff ma. Also waiting. But I hope to improve myself too, change myself for the better. >.<

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  6. Haha... then we add oil altogether! LOL

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