Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Mama says

I love my mama. My mama says the greatest words that no 'self-help' book or famous politician can say.

She said,

'Rich or poor is not defined by money, is determined by your ambition and knowledge.'
'Don't hate school. Your schooling life only last less than 8 percent of your total life span. You ruin it, you ruin life.'
'Education is a one-way ticket.'
'Love is not what how both feel to each other, is how both deal the future.'
'Suffer 15 years of education, but you will gain another 50 years of luxury. Why aim lowest in education while you want good life?'
'Find true love by tracing how your family gives you.'
'Don't boast your money. They are only paper and metal. Get something immaterial to fulfil your material needs. Not use material to fulfil your material needs.'
'Don't get angry on someone who is bad on you. Be glad you know why is he bad on you so you won't repeat the same mistake.'
'God give us mouth to ask and defend, not swallow all the bitterness and embarrassment and humiliation.'
'Don't think you are always at the top of the world because the world is round, sometimes, you have to be at the bottom. If you are at the bottom, don't be sad, you will be at the top one day.'

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

5 S's for Destroying a Star


  1. Shifting. Using particle beam, create a flux in atom-binding energy. Shift the lighter elements (Hydrogen and Helium) to the outer surface of the star and leave the heavier elements in. The star would have nothing to fuse and the crushing force will cause the star to implode.
  2. Strangling. Establish a particle beam flux ring around the star's equator. By tightening and loosening the ring in waves, a strong magnetic force is created. The magnetic field created could strangle the star like a snake, pumping equatorial stellar matter to the poles.
  3. Spinning. Establish a particle beam flux ring around the star from pole to pole. Rotate them. That would cause the magnetosphere to couple with them and drag all the stellar matter with them as the ring rotates. By increasing the speed of rotation, the stellar mass would be lifted like an onion.
  4. Sucking.Toss a planetary-mass blackhole into the fusion core of the star. The star would suddenly have two sites of nucleation. When the radiation threshold is increased when the blackhole burns too much matter, it would blast the star apart, like a bomb.
  5. Singing. Sing to a star. Throb the star with gravitational wave that responds to the oscillation of the star. The same frequency would allow the gravitational energy to pump into the star's fusion core, allow the matter to spew out uncontrollably.

Poi Lam | NS | UTAR

3 'cultures'. Yet, different.

Poi Lam friends. Basically during my later years, I spend most of my time with Orangutan, Crow, 'One-bowl-of-mee', Japanese monkey, Ripe mosquito and Cock. Nice having time with 'em. I remembered the pantomime we put on. The 'violence' and 'sex' scene (it's not what you think)... even Pn Tan Get Peng saw us gila-ing around... *embarrassed*

NS friends. I spend my time with Hornets, buddy Fizan and some from Sukhoi. Not really much time for me to have fun. I just spend MOST with Cindy. Making her laugh and 'angry'. LOL. Till one of the Jurulatih thought we are in love. Hell, impossible.

UTAR friends. I'm not going to say 'spend my time' here, I will use the word 'gila my time'. Mostly with Siewcheng, Jixuan, Tanning, Puaycian, Apple, Panda wei wei, Weifa...

BUT, one big BUT, I realise I spend 95% of my time with GIRLS. What's wrong with me?


Chinese New Year is coming. Gosh, I have to clean up the house, wipe the window, arrange the living room... bla bla bla...

Worse, I have a cough. It's not an ordinary cough, it's ticklish, it's allergic cough. Once cough, akan cough tak henti-henti. Idiot. Hate it.

It all started the day before yesterday. And yesterday, to speak frankly, I don't sing at Karaoke, because of ONE single thing: it's very creepy. I don't know my friends could sense it or not. It is scary. The corner I sat, well, I felt someone or something is watching me. If my friends noticed, I kept playing around with my religious beads on my wrist.

I didn't feel right there. It's like many things were watching over me.

The feeling got worse when I went to the toilet. I don't want to say more, but I swear I 'saw' something/someone. Since before the K was built/renovated, I never EVER went to the end of Jusco. The sensation is NOT right.

But hey, I can't be so 'anti-social' right? It can't be I left all my friends out and I just walked around outside. Keras-kepala-ing is the only way.

Tell you guys, there are really THINGS in the Karaoke. One of them harrassed my uncle before, and several of my friends...

Enough said.

CNY is coming... my peanut cookie is coming out soon. Damn, still coughing... Did you know there is a belief that when you are sick, you cannot make CNY cookies?

The Dagger In My Heart

When the first words of anger erupted from my heart to my mouth, I knew immediately that the bridge of friendship is gone. The words I used wasn't harsh. It's how harsh I'd been saying.
When I realised it, I wanted to say 'sorry', but he just spun around and left without a word.

A friend's most lethal weapon is not how he yells at you.
A friend's most lethal weapon is not how he cries at you.
A friend's most lethal weapon is not how he kicks at you.

It is how he spins around and says nothing.
That gesture. Action. Can create a silver sharp dagger that jabs into your heart almost as instant as he spins around.

That's how I felt.

I felt the sharp pain once he was gone. I reached out an invisible hand, trying to turn him back, but deep down my heart, it told me, once it's gone, it's gone.

Ich bin dumm!!!!

It is not easy to go over this kind of feeling, especially I usually helped and cared for friends a lot. And this pain of the dagger carried me for another year, where the dagger had its splinter on another of my friend. That had severed him, but not as bad as I imagined. This time, I quickly apologised and the bridge is still there.

Another year has passed. The dagger is not visible through my mind, but it had sunken deeper into my heart. I couldn't feel it at first, but once I saw something sad, the pain came back with greater intensity.

Later, much later, I saw it. Him. The mouse. Hesitating. *Click*. Talked with doubt. Frightened like a cat. Worried like a mother. Him. Said. 'It's ok.'

It's ok...
These words have two meanings:
1) I don't mind you (but I really do), it's just for the sake of no arguments
2) It's really ok. I never have done that before. It's really nothing.

From the tone of the speech, I guessed (85% sure) its (2).

The dagger, was gone, forever. The relieve was.... unspeakable...

It's like Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King where Aragorn tells the spirited army to leave in peace and the army just let out a relieve and gone.

I know.
I will be careful with you next time.
Again, sorry.

P006 (if you know what it means)

Friday, December 24, 2010

Happy New Year

New Year 2011 is coming. When everyone is having the light in their hearts to celebrate their New Year, I have some faint darkness that I could not overcome.

I admit, I have hurt my friend's feeling during my Secondary School final year. I admit. I know I was selfish back then, but no matter how I reached out, I cannot find a response. I felt like I am a tree, branching out in all directions trying to touch the sky.

I really wanted to meet him, talk to him, say how sorry I was. But... *sigh*... things never got any better. The crack is there between him and me. No matter how I pray, it just won't seal up.

I, secara rasmi, have lost him, forever.

Another one in my Uni years. This time, I managed to seal up the crack. But, the scar is still there. I don't know how to get any closer. There is a slight curtain between us. I cannot reach out. Every time I lead out a hand, the distance got wider. So, I guess, I should just be glad the crack is sealed. The scar, I prefer it to stay, to let me know I did something nasty to people and I won't repeat it.

I keep on express my sadness and regret through songs so sad that will make you cry. But what can I do to them? It was my fault after all.

These are my wishes for 2011. These are my darkest times. I wish and hope someone or a miracle to help me seal those cracks and repaint the walls...

I just wish that very much

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Line Slow

Just wanna say.
that's it
Internet speed.
Dunno what to say
Just slow.
Cannot communicate...
Some even don't have HP...
FB slow


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Message in a Bottle

Inserting the letter into a glass bottle, stuff it with a stiff cork, then cast it into the sea for it to travel over long distances. It is no doubt an ancient way, and yet good for releasing the burden in the heart. Nowadays, there aren't any people who did this. However, in a twist of fate and destiny, I was met with an ordinary friend. He loved to place a letter into a glass bottle and cast it into the wide ocean.

I don't know how I met him. I don't remember. Somewhere hidden in my mind, I have a faintest memory like I helped him up at the seaside as he accidentally fell over a rock. I treated him like my own brother. And then, he just followed me ever since.

Although he was approaching his teenage, he had a look of a child about seven or eight years old. His family wasn't a good one. His parents always quarreled and usually either the father or the mother would leave the house for at least three days for that. After that, the quarrel resumed. They never paid any attention to their kid. I pitied him. Every time I asked him what was he doing when they were quarreling, he would force out a smile and said, 'What can I do? Only sleep will make me deaf temporarily.'

I know he lied.

He was weird. He sometimes stared into blankness and said nothing, and he sometimes talked a lot with me. He loved to write letters, but his letters would never reach to the postman. He wanted to send the letter to the sea as he claimed that the sea would carry his burden to the edge of the world.

I didn't like him throwing the bottles. It's just that every time he threw it, he became exceptionally quiet. You couldn't nudge him, shout at him or call his name. He just wouldn't answer at all. He was trapping himself into his wild but sad imagination.

He would gaze at the sea and see how the waves rolled by. Or sometimes he would look at his bottle drifted on the sea. And sometimes, he would let out a long sigh.

I waited till he was fine and I asked him what did he wrote in the letter. He shrugged and said, 'My pitiful life.' I was surprised. He was still a child, how come he had any pitiful life? Maybe it was the family quarrels and stuffs. No matter, that wasn't his only answer. Sometimes he gave the answers like 'Sad', 'Hurt' or 'Pain'. There was never even once I heard was a positive remark.

Nonetheless, he loved talking to me. He said, talking to me could help him out from misery.

I thought: Really? If talking to me can help you from misery, why are you still writing letters for the sea? Why don't you just tell me what's your problem?

But I know, this was his hobby. He did this maybe for some other reasons that I had never come to know.

One day, he asked me out to accompany him. He wanted to throw another bottle that day. But that day, the winds were strong and the waves were fierce, even the sky showed no mercy. I was surprised about his decision to cast a letter at this day.

'Strong winds and wavy waves will help me send my letter to much farther out, that would make sure my letters won't turn back,' he claimed.

I was like wondering how important was that letter till he needed a strong wind and waves to carry its message. He, again, fell back into his shell of quietness. He stared out into the sea and sighed again. He raised his bottle, seeing it for one last time, shook his head with a bitter smile and cast it as far as he could.

The green bottle flickered the golden sun ray and plopped into the sea like a comet. After the splash, it started to be carried away by the waves, carrying the glitter of the sun like a star in the sea.

I could only hear the howling winds and crashing waves. I wished to hear what the voices in his heart was saying.

'Goodbye,' he blurted.

'Excuse me?' I really couldn't hear what he said in this stormy weather.

'I said goodbye. I thought you were asking what I wrote in the letter, so I said it's goodbye,' he said softly. His head was tilted down. He was nudging the sands with his broken slippers.

'Why goodbye?' I asked.

'My parents don't want me anymore. They don't want me to be in a terrible family. They are going to send me to a distant relative but they promised they would visit me once in a month,' he said, still not looking up. Suddenly, as if a beast in him as woken, he kicked a pile of dirt. 'I don't want to leave them! I really don't!'

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what should I say. But in the end, I placed my hand on his shoulder. 'Since your parents had already made up their minds, you have to listen anyway. Maybe they thought this works the best for you,' I said. I swore I didn't know what I was saying. I didn't even know what I said was right, but at least I said something.

He fell silent. He turned away and left, leaving me watching him walking away. I didn't know whether I was having a hard time swallowing or I was sobbing. Something had caught in my throat. I felt breathless. I tried to call him, but there was no voice. And he stil didn't look back...

Over a few days, I felt uncomfortable. I felt like I have lost a best friend. It was like what people had told me about the philosophy of air: It is everywhere around us, but we don't appreciate it, till the day we lost air, we then know how important air is to us.'

I was missing him, I realised. But I couldn't contact him. I didn't know where he had gone to. I didn't have his phone number or address...

Then I had an idea.

This day, was my first day of casting bottle.

I stepped on the warm sand rain and gazed at the wide blue sea. This time, it wasn't stormy. But my heart was heavy. I could feel the turbulence in it. I let out a sigh, inadvertently. I gripped on the blue bottle with a white parchment in it. And I threw it hard.

It flickered blue light and dropped into the sea. There came a wave to engulf it, but it still popped up, floating. Drifting. Never to sink.

I stood there in silence, seeing how the bottle drift further and further away till it lost sight. I didn't know why I smiled.

In my heart, I know, I don't care where or when the bottle is going to land. I only knows it in one of the corner of my heart, he would receive it.

What did I wrote in the message in the bottle?

'I miss you.'

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Alright, here is a sad story for you all, the English version will be up tomorrow. Don't worry

















Ok, this is actually a semi-fiction. It is actually some facts. The boy who threw the bottle? Some of his traits are actually me. And the 'I' in the post, some of the conversation is also me. It's a mix up. But it is a sad story for me, equally. I do miss my friend whom I treated like a brother.

I am sorry. Please come back will ya? Please reply my SMS, or do whatever to contact me. I have tried everything but it seems pointless......... =(

Friday, December 17, 2010

ASEP 2005 (II) - Quotations

ASEP 2005 5th anniversary is coming out. Due to the fact that I won't be online after 20 December, I will make do with whatever time I have now...

Quotations. Words people say. Speech people crap. Whispers people gossip. Favourite and annoying. I found these words very 'sentimental' and 'historical':

1. 'That's so "aromatic"!' ~ by me. It means, what you said there was foul, like, say, 'I think we are going to crash', so in respond to that, you just say this!

2. 'Baling lembu, lembu pun mati!' ~ by Joash. He complaint about the wheat bread in Vietnam Airlines was so hard and crusty that even you throw it to the cow, the cow just die.

3. 'No bushes.' ~ by me. It was supposed to be 'no lalang' (lalang = bushes) and when it is re-translate into Cantonese, it simply meant 'mou lah lang' or 'tiada kaitan' or 'it doesn't matter'.

4. 'Can kill.' ~ by Nurul (I guess). Usually derogatory. It actually refers to the superlative of an action. Example, your friend wants to ride a rollercoaster, but you tell him, 'eh, can kill!'

5. 'Did you know 30,000 xxxxx is xxx-ing everyday?' ~ by Joash, 'enhanced' by Nurul. Just fill in the 'xxx', for example, 'Did you know 30,000 leaves are growing everyday?' I agree. It's a stupid fact from a pity fact, which it originated from 'Did you know 30,000 children are dying everyday?'

6. 'Shoot!' followed by 'Bang!' ~ by Nurul and me (the latter). It's a lame joke. Nurul used to say 'Shoot!' instead of 'Damn!', so I respond by saying 'Bang!'. Lame. Lame. Lame.

7. 'Potong tu ketam!' ~ by me. As said earlier, it was translated (badly) from English version 'cut the crap'. I remembered Nurul get annoyed with the 6th and this quotation.

8. 'He is such a good drawer.' ~ by Nurul. Ms Woo was asking us to draw heart shapes for our placards saying 'POVERTY'. Nurul said, 'Let minzhi do it, he is such a good drawer.' It was a slip of tongue. She swore. But we definitely rewarded by a roar of laughter.

9. 'Christina's a gorilla!' ~ by Xiao Wen. I remembered when Jia Yi told Xiao Wen her name is Christina, Xiao Wen went hysterica and yelled 'CHRISTINA'S A GORILLA!' which actually meant 'Christina Aguilera' but her pronounciation was... y'know!

10. 'Bomb the world, make it a "badder" place, for you and for me... ' ~ by Kevin. That's... pathetic! It was supposed to be Michael Jackson's 'Heal the World'. Instead he fooled by singing 'Bomb the World'

Dammit! Gonna miss those phrases!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

ASEP 2005

Specially for Nurul, Joash, Wai Meng, Christina, Ginger, Fiona, Zhi-Jun, Kevin, Julia, Shaynee... and everyone in ASEP2005: Our Earth, Our Home

It's been 5 years now. The 5th anniversary. How are you guys coming? Damn miss you much.

  1. I missed the time when you all held our names, photos, school names, posters high in the airport.
  2. I missed the shouts when you all first saw us.
  3. I missed the time we were treated like celebrities.
  4. I missed the time we had fun in their school singing Negaraku. (Seriously?)
  5. I missed the time we saw people sleeping in class because there is a sleeping session in school.
  6. I missed the time we sang 'Pengyou' by Zhou Hwajian. (more than 3 times singing)

  7. I missed the time Joash sang 'Pretty woman', bullied by Nurul and her 'sisters'.
  8. I missed the time we went to San Min Vocational High School to do our presentation
  9. I missed the time we sang 'Heal the World' together with the audience swaying their arms.
  10. I missed the time we ate potato chips when people are presenting
  11. I missed the time we heard the crowd yelling for giving us the 5-star rating for our presentation
  12. I missed the time we were dragged into the PA room and asked what song we sang.
  13. I missed the time we had fun with the principal of Yu Chang.
  14. I missed the time we had disco fun in SMVHS hall.
  15. I missed the time we sang Mimpi and Malaysia Truly Asia (and dance too!)

  16. I missed the time we (Christina, Nurul and Shaynee) went to JFS themepark and smuggled food into this monster Ferris Wheel:

  17. I missed the time I first rode on a rollercoaster. I swear I never ride on it again. After riding that rollercoaster:

  18. I missed the time we (me and my foster family) had buffet steamboat dinner.

  19. I missed the time we (me and my foster family) bought gifts that could drag an aeroplane down.
  20. I missed the time we chatted heart to heart
  21. I missed the time we had fun
  22. I missed the time you all had tears when sending us back to airport
  23. I missed the time when I woke up late to get to the airport
  24. I missed the time when I realised I wasn't the last one to get to the airport (Ms Woo is late)
  25. I missed everything guys!

It's been an honour to meet you all. You make our eyes bigger to see broader things. It's the 5th anniversary though. I don't know you all still remember us, growing up into early adulthood. I wish I can go to Taiwan to meet you all.

Yeah, I agree on Nurul. We look stupid. We were innocent. Seriously.

I don't know how to write this post. I don't want it to be redundant or same as Nurul's because we both share the same feelings (I believe). So I want she to have her own blog and mine to have mine so that you readers can read both, rather than just one of us...

If I were to write everything down, I am afraid it's gonna be another novel. My original diary of this is 16 pages long. I bet you don't want to read that!

Somehow there are a few things I think it is a bit awkward:

When we spoke Chinese, they were like: 'Oh? You can speak Chinese! You can write Chinese! OMG! Really? Malaysians speak Chinese?'

That statement made us stop communicating in English with them and we used Chinese. Result? Reprimanded by Miss Woo. 'This is an international event, you cannot just speak Chinese to them! They are supposed to learn up English, that's why they organise ASEP. You must understand.... bla bla bla and bla...'

Their school does not have a canteen. Their food is delivered by some guys. When we asked them where is the canteen, they brought us to their fish pond. LOL. Because 'pond' and 'canteen' sounds almost the same in Chinese. XD

Their school has a sleeping session where students sleep for 30minutes? I forgot. Just kinda.... weird. Wonder when Malaysia will adopt it huh? XD

JOASH is in love with FIONA. LOL. Sorry. Just being straight though. Joash seemed perplexed by Fiona. (Fiona don't kill me please! I speak only the truth). That goes well with his famous saying: Where there're girls, there's Joash'.

NURUL was called as 'Niu Rou' or 'beef' by most Taiwanese students. Cannot blame them though. They have exposed to Chinese since birth. Right?

LOL.... just miss you all guys... respond to me! HAHA....


Malaysia, tropical country, close to the equator. And yet, it feels cold this month. My feet is like touching a cold soda. Sorry, not ice though, nothing to be exaggerated here.

It made me realise (somehow rather late XD) that this month is December. My mum used to say, December is the coldest month when the cold winds from China begin to cast its magic southwards. During these times, people would prepare for Chinese New Year. (Nah, not Christmas for me)

Winter solstice. It was the Chinese who invented the 24 mini-seasons about when to plough, when to seed, when to harvest and when to prepare New Year. (Ketam: I am proud to be born in the month of 'First Spring').

We will make glutinous riceballs, or tangyuan. But that's all about ketam anyway.

What I mean is when the cold wind blows, it means spring is near.

Chinese New Year is near.

Nah, who said anything about winter Christmas anyway? I told you, I don't really celebrate Christmas. It's just a holiday for me. Not a festive holiday for me. But hey, it is a festive holiday for everyone. Got it? Nah, just nonsense and ketam.

Last night Nurul posted a note something about Muslims cannot greet Merry Christmas. At first, I felt ridiculous. I thought, 'Merry Christmas' is just a nice warm greeting anyway. What is it so haram to speak and wish?

Then I consult my bro Amirul at Egypt. Nah, I didn't really fly to Egypt. FB chat, silly. He told me it's true but many Muslims are unaware. He said, every perayaan regarding or related to religion, Muslims are prohibited to wish those non-Muslims. Conflict of faith, he called it.

So, so far I can remember, only Wesak Day, Thaipusam, Christmas and Deepavali are those religious holidays. They cannot wish us like 'Happy Deepavali!'. So, dear non-Muslims, if you want to wish, please take note ya! Don't offend their religion. Be nice. Peace. 1Malaysia! (Seriously, I prefer all united. Stop discriminating and be racist)

Yeah, speaking of racist, I saw many people condemning each other's race. Come on, if you condemn people to stop them being racist, YOU are racist. I have been to NS, I know we are not all racist, its just all about prasangka. So STOP it! Live together!

Yup, another piece of ketam. But at least a good one. XD

Where was I? Yeah, winter.

Advice from me:
Winter brings cold, because warmth is on the way. Don't complain it. You keep groaning about life's unfair. Bullshit. Without whamming on the wall, you are not going to realise what you didn't appreciate. Same thing here: Without winter, you will never appreciate the warmth all year round.

Life is fair, ladies and gentlemen.
The equation has not been equated.
You have 80 years beyond.
The equation begins when you are born.
A complicated one.
Not just an ordinary linear equation or quadratic.
It takes 80 years to equate.
By the time you know it,
your life is equated.

Love Life!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


WARNING: Ketam ini tidak merujuk kepada haiwan laut yang berkaki sepuluh.

Y' know, sometimes it's very annoying to hear people talk about great things. No. Not those great things Napoleon had done. Not those great things those serial rapists had done. It's about themselves.

Yes! They talk about their great things.

No. Not plan to conquer the world or something. Just, for me, simple things. Simple crap I call it. Or 'Ketam Mudah'. Oh, ignore it, it is just one big Ketam here.

(Talking about 'ketam', it was coined by me. Yeah, just go back and read the 'Quirky Names' blog post of mine. You will know how quirky am I in giving names. I remembered it was Nurul who said 'Cut the crap!!!', then I would respond to her, 'Potong tu ketam!')

Another ketam I have written. Yet, this ketam is necessary as much as it is an introduction. XP

You know, I meet some people, who always crap about their talents, experience, their GREATNESS. Which, when you sum those up, you get a perfectly-rounded ZERO.

'Ei, the badminton ar, cannot play like this. You know how I win or not, I ah...'
'Handphone cannot buy this model, you see mine. Mine I choose it because I know the...'
'English? No need to study so hard... I didn't get good result also can pass... as long as it pass...'
'I tell you, when I do this, I know its exactly right, because...'


Ketam is just everywhere...

Bunuh! BUNUH!!!

SOLUTION (my way):
If someone keeps crapping, just say: Bak kata ketam-ketam...
If he/she still craps, say: Potong ketam tu...
If he/she still persists, say: Hentikan ketam...
If he/she still (sadly) craps, say: Alhamdulilah, mana dapatnye ketam yang banyak tu!

Ketam, oh ketam...

Monday, December 13, 2010

Empty soul

I don't know why, the feeling of wanna hug someone is back. LOL. Maybe it is cold in my room.

I remembered I was FIRST hugged by a man, a friend. Yup, HIM again. Fizan, my NS buddy. I was stupefied. You know when something out of ordinary occur in front of your eyes, you just stand there, eyes wide open and do nothing. ABSOLUTELY nothing. That's how I felt.

It was the parting day, where we all had to go back our home as the NS ended. It was tragic. Emotional. People were crying everywhere till the floors were wet. Bags and luggages were thrown aside just to speak the last words before parting ways. Some (many) even wanted to delay their buses by talking more than ever.

It was sad. Superbly.

There I was, standing in a crowd. Staring at crying faces. I felt, like, gone. I just felt empty in my heart. Like a pail that has poured out of every single drop of water. The feeling was not pain or sad. It was... EMPTY... duh... I was standing there....

Figuring out what to pour in my heart... Don't know what to do in the sea of people...

Then, HE came. He said nothing and he just hugged me, saying, 'Lah, saya takkan lupe you MZ. You are the best buddy in the world. Jangan lupe aku Fizan taw!'

That's it. He had crossed my threshold. My heart and soul shattered into pieces. It was like, his words like... I dunno, bomb or something. It just shattered everything I held on to. I couldn't respond back his hug. I just didn't know what to do!

When I sedar balik, I knew I won't be seeing him again for a long long time... Then I knew, everyone, every faces I saw gathering at the hall before parting was not going to last. I wouldn't be seeing them anymore. That was it. The final hour of the final day of my life, I could see all my friends running away.

That's why I felt empty. All friends I have known, were going to be gone...

I wanted to cry. For the first time, I realised the MAJOR loss of friends. I felt like, 'Please don't go! Jangan balik!'

I stood there for a very very long time. Scratching my head, holding my breath, looking at the ceiling, just as excuses for not crying.

I stared at those familiar faces again, trying to burn their faces into my mind to keep them forever. But the more I saw, the worse I felt. My heart was stucked. Like a clogged drain.
Fizan, and everyone, board their buses and left. I frantically checked my bus, hoping to find some of my besties there.

No hope. None at all. Strangers. Baddies...

I slumped on the cushion, gazed outside. Every time we passed by a bus, I would rush to look out from the window, because deep down in my heart, I believed in jodoh would allow my friends and me to see each other again.

Here I am, in UTAR. I stopped feeling bad. Because I saw Wei Yin, Tauke and Keyki. And most of all, my buddy occasionally called.

The warmth entered my heart.

I vow, I will never let it go. I am not going to let my soul empty again.
Every time I read this book, I smile with tears. Those who have written in this book, you have left footprints in my heart, friends!


I don't celebrate Christmas. Ever. I use that holiday for... well, holiday. Nothing to do with Christmas. Strictly. Serious.

But when I stepped into tertiary education, Christmas is like everything to everyone. From having a drink, party, BBQ, vacation, trip, to something as modest as exchanging presents. Well, speaking of presents (sly smile), I do wish to get presents. LOL

Since birth, I received presents from these guys:

Parents: Decoratives

Kevin (primary 5): A piggybank

Zhen Yee (form 3): A card

Yie (form 5): A card

Jack and our stupid gang (form 5): A world-known sci-fi Dune

Seng Tat (form 5): A beautiful Hong Kong dragon keychain

Siewcheng, Aili and Crystal (Foundation): A photo stand (gotta love this one)

Gary (Foundation): A Christmas teddy bear

Well, that's it. No more, ever less. All of them (except Gary) gave me during my birthday. It is rare to have someone send me a gift on birthday because my birthday often falls in Chinese New Year holidays. No one is that free to reach my house to gift.

So, hehe, next birthday is after Chinese New Year (2 weeks after, in fact). Any gifts for me? LOL

Owh, yeah, I am preparing online Christmas surprises for 10% of my FB friends for next sunday. Stay tune!


Face Problem

Serious face problem, indeed.

Because of my no-nonsense face, many people is scared of me. They tried to avoid jokes and be serious with me.

COME ON. I AM NOT THAT SERIOUS OK? You can ask Siewcheng, Tanning, JiXuan, Yitmun, NS friends and others.

When I first said I watched FIFA World Cup, my friends stared at me as if I am a rare artefact in a museum. The reactions I got were:

'FIFA wor? You watch it?'
'You know how to play football meh?'
'Are you dreaming?'


Excuse me ok, I watched my first World Cup programme in somewhere primary 4 or 5, dah lupa. But I know the players ok??? I look like a nerd but I know THINGS, ya know~!

Then, I seldom talk about me playing DOTA. When I spoke I wanna DOTA... Again, they stared at me:

'You play de meh?'
'I thought you play FB games only.'
'Sure noob de.'


I know my face looks serious, nerdy, no-fun type, but HEY, listen, just effing LISTEN, I do play DOTA, I watch FIFA, I watch Thomas, I watch Olympics, I play barbiedolls (joke). So why don't you put down your assumptions on me being a good boy, 'guai guai zai' forever?

When I said I am hanging out with friends, they are like:

'Your mom let you out ah?'
'Hang out with you also don't know do what.'
'You shop de meh? I thought you hide in bookstores...'


Dear God, I am not anti-social OK? Just sometimes the places you all go are ridiculous to me, especially the timing, then only I reject.

The equation: [no outing]+[serious]+[nerd] = [super nerd]

DOES NOT apply to me.

And hey, I don't really like studying, ya know! I am just an ordinary guy! ==

Love you
See you

Sunday, December 12, 2010


I think most Westerners know her. I got a hit with her since I was only FOUR. No. I wasn't, am not, and will NOT be her FANS, if that's what you are thinking. I just love her lyrics, which, sadly, seldom written by her, but by Roma Ryan.

Okay, cutting and blasting off the craps, she is a singer. She sang the songs you heard in my blog: ONLY TIME and the rest of it.

She is Irish-Gaelic. (Yeah, I know some words in Irish-Gaelic). She sings songs in French, Latin, Spanish, English, Japanese and, of course, Irish-Gaelic, and even the language invented by JRR Tolkein in his Lord of the Rings' Middle Earth universe: Quenya.

Shit, I am like, writing a novel here on my blog again. Just can't stop crapping...

Anyway, I like her songs because she made me thought a lot and be a very 'emotional stable' (which, unless, unfortunately, if you tend to creep up my nerves, I can be very volatile)

These are some lyrics I love:

You know when you give your love away
It opens your heart
everything is new
And you know time will always find a way
to let your heart believe it's true

You know love is everything you say
A whisper, a word,
promises you give
You feel it in the heartbeat of the day
You know this is the way love is...

Here you can see that how true love is. It's everything in truth and faith... it's from Amarantine.

A moment lost, forever gone
can never be again
so know how much it means to me
all you said
all you gave
all your love to me

This is how I felt when I lost my friend due to petty arguments and misunderstanding. Even though I manage to seal up the cracks last two years, the scar is still there. It's from A Moment Lost...

When there's a journey, you follow the star
When there's an ocean, you sail from afar
And for the broken hearts, there is the sky
and for tomorrow are those who can fly

Yeah, this motivates me when I meet a ultimate failure. In short, where there's a will, there's a way. It suits it. It tells us to be optimistic... Super love this from Only If...

I walk the maze of moments
and everywhere I turn to
begins a new beginning
but never finds a finish
I walk to the horizon
and there I find another
It all seems so surprising
And then I find that I know:

You go there, you're gone forever
I go there, I lose my way
If we stay here, we're not together
Anywhere is...

Yeah, this is another optimistic song to learn from. I can say that, every choice you made, it's a beginning, nothing is the end. If you let your friend go alone, he/she will be lost forever, if you go alone, you will lost your way without his/her help. If both of you plan to stay and not moving, you are not worming through your life. From Anywhere Is.

I remembered I made several friends from Poi Lam and NS to love the songs. It became a HUGE HIT.

You know why you never heard of her? Because she NEVER opens a concert, rarely meet people. And YET, she can sell MILLIONS of copies worldwide.

Sorry, if you think I am a guy, and should listen to POP and ROCK. You are an ultimate failure. I want songs that inspire, not about Love, Love and LOVE.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Quirky names

People ask me a lot on how I name my novel or story characters. Names like Alaris, Vohne, Kustaz and so on... I shrug at that question. Naming things, especially quirky names, is like my true nature.

Let's see what I have named since I was a child:

KUKULELE (pronounced as 'koo-koo-leh-leh')
It is a fixing toy bricks, with equal sides, equal height and equal width. A cube. For me, it sounds like 'squaredy square square', by naming it as such.

BINGBONG-HIHI (pronounced as 'beeng-bohng-hai-hai')
Guess what, it is a road bump! Bonggol jalan! Know why I name like such? Go feel it in the car as it ram over the 'bingbong-hihi'. It feels BING (first pair of wheels hit up), then BONG (as the 1st pair of wheels touch the tar again), then HI (2nd pair of wheels hit up) and finally, HI (as the 2nd pair of wheels touch the tar again).

ABULILA (pronounced as 'ah-boo-lee-laah')
Heaven knows why I called it as such. It is the 'mango tree', you know, those Malay wedding or special event, those girls would carry a pole with bright sparkling filaments like a coconut tree thingy. Till now, I am figuring out why I name it like this.

LONGLONG (pronounced as 'long-long')
It is yet another fixing toys. It is very long, in fact, the longest fixing toys unit. About 6 spots long, and only 1 spot wide. KUKULELE is 2 spots wide and 2 spots long.

BICKBICK (pronounced as 'beek-beek')
Another fixing toys unit. It is 4 spots long and 2 spots wide (you can achieve that by placing 2 KUKULELE together). I think I know why I name this. It is big and fat, as well as it looks like a brick. Hence... BICKBICK.

STOMACHBURST (you know how to pronounce this!)
Ha, bet you all don't know what this is! It is actually a food colouring. Go buy one and see. The red cap glass bottle. You know why I call it like this? Because you look at its symbol. It's a combination of different-sized stars of blue, red and gold stacking on top of each other. I remembered mum used to say cannot it 'raw', or your stomach aches. There is a starburst warning of STOMACHBURST, I guess!

Being Childish

Being childish is C*U*T*E, sometimes innocent...
...^ ^

Although I am a little bit mature-looking (Oops!), I tend to have some childish moments. Maybe it is in my gene (yeah, blame the gene, eh) or maybe I am just too young to be mature at all (*giggle*)

I remembered once, I asked my mum about how she met dad. You know, it's kinda strange: mum stays in Kedah, while dad stays in Perak, a 2-hour distance between both of them. Trust me, it is still a mystery till present day.

Me: 'Mi, how you and papa found each other?'

Mum: 'Erm....... (thinking)'

Me: 'Actually I know already!'

Mum: 'You do? But I havent'...'

Me: 'Because arh, you call popo (her mother) "Ah Mak" and papa called mama (his mother) "Ah Mak". So since both of you also call each other's mother "Ah Mak", then you are viable to be my papa and mama!"

Mum: (stared at me, speechless, gestureless)

Another instance:

Me: 'Mi~~~ I am hungry!'

Mum: 'I don't have anything for you to eat.'

Me: 'Really?'

Mum: 'Well, there is one. Inside the Vitalite tupperware. There's a cookie.'

Me: 'I want! I want!'

Mum: 'But I thought you hated that cookie?'

Me: 'Is it p... ' (I was about to ask peanut cookie because I thought as long as something called 'cookie' it is a peanut cookie)

Mum: 'Nah, here it is.'

Me: (Open up, *Gasp*) 'I don't want!'

Mum: 'Why?'

Me: Because it looks very ugly! Sure not tasty!'

BOOM!!!!!! Mum was stupefied.

Actually that cookie was a tau sa piah.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Footprints in the heart

People come and go... suddenly I feel like I have no sense of belonging. No belongingness, according to the hierarchy of Maslow.


Well, I had once a gang. The animal gang, with orangutan, japanese monkey, chicken cock, swallow, ripe mosquito, and... erm... 'one bowl of noodles'. Then, after finishing our SPM, everyone flew to different directions.

NS, I mixed with at least 4 different gangs, but never joined any one of them.

Uni. Foundation, I have mixed more than 6 different gangs, Still I didn't plan to join.

Sakai group la, boyfriend group la, clubbing group, music group, Neamhus group, tutors group, girls group..... and so on~~~~~

Although going out to eat together is a difficulty, because they have their own group, but I still am happy. I am happy I walk in their lives and leave footprints in their hearts. I want people to know that, I care and I like and I love.

You all are the best!

Fill in the blank

It all started in TA 20, 2009, Semester One of Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman's Foundation in Arts.

While Edward de Bono says, the middle finger means respect. Me, Nurul, and the others, began to show some respect all around in our secondary school. Yeah, you know what I meant. 'Flipping the bird' , kononnya.

Not this cutie little BIRD, idiot!

Then, my sakai friends told me, instead of being rude by flipping the bird around, especially girls who flip them (did I mention sakai?), they invent a sign language, kononnya 'Fill in the blank' and at the same time showing a gesture.

The gesture is simple: Spread out all fingers, but keep the middle finger closed. That's it. Show it and say 'Fill in the blank lah!'. It means you are still showing a respect but in an inverted way, asking people to fill in the 'blank'...

Now, my music band, the Neamhus seems to be fond of this. Everywhere we go, we show some res...., oops, no, we fill in the blanks!

Photogenic. MALE vs FEMALE

PHOTOGENIC: Appearing aesthetically or physically attractive in photos.

Mind those '---ally' words. Don't argue about 'chemically' attractive, or even 'biologically' attractive. It's just a pack of nonsense words joined together to create a very formal and technical meaning. Yup, the sentence in pink is a very good example.

Open up my browser >>> enter Facebook >>> Sees a picture >>> XXX has just changed his/her profile picture >>> *click* >>> nothing special >>> *sigh*


All I am trying to say is, or ask is, why FEMALE has more photos than MALE?


C...... C... 271 photos

A.... L...... 393 photos

S... M.. 617 photos

P.... W..... 1797 photos!!!!

L... S.... 136 photos

C.... H.. 204 photos

G... H... 311 photos

H... H... 746 photos!!!

Why? Why does this happen?

If girls wanna show off their faces, but why don't boys only have 2 or 3 photos? Unless they want to show off as well!

I don' have much photos on my Facebook. I just don't understand why. I feel like, erm, ONE photo is enough for me... unless there is another special moment which I need to 'commemorate'.

But, the one with 1797 photos!!??? Maybe I can spell it out to let you all see how much is 1797:

One thousand seven hundred and ninety-seven.

Seribu tujuh ratus sembilan puluh tujuh!!!

What about me?

145 photos ONLY

One hundred and forty-five

Seratus empat puluh lima

Go use a ruler and measure both statements. See the difference!

The first photo ever captured with the MIDDLE FINGER.

Find out which one of them! XD

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


I saw a post from Facebook. I am not plagiarising, but sharing.

True or not, just 'enjoy' it:

(The 'I' in the story does not refer to the author)

I saw a lightbulb wrapper in England, noting: 'DO NOT PLACE IN MOUTH. I was thinking: Doofus! Who would put a lightbulb in a mouth! and I laugh it off...

Later, I went to my friend's house to have a chitchat. Then I talked about this matter. My friend turned serious, he said, 'It's true I tell you. We all learn that in school. Placing a lightbulb in the mouth will get stuck!'

I said, 'The lightbulb has smooth surface. It's impossible it will stuck in anyone's mouth! If your mouth is big enough, it can enter and exit at will!'

He argued, 'It is true, I tell you!'

And we argued...

To prove I was right and he was wrong, especially I had a curiousity of a scientist, I went to take a lightbulb and try it at home. Of course, I had prepared some safety precautions: a bottle of olive oil. In case it really got stucked, I could still lubricate my mouth and pull it out.

Slowly, I put the lightbulb in my mouth. I thought, that was easy! Later, I can just take it out like how I put it in!

Doofus fool friend! Look how I take it out!...

... oops, looked tougher that it was... never mind, just a little extra energy...



Argh, just opened my mouth wide enough for the lightbulb to slip out...



OMFG! It really got stucked! I quickly poured the oil in my mouth to lubricate it... and once again, pull it out with my wide opened mouth...



30 minutes later... I had swallowed three quarters of the oil but it still got stucked!

I picked up the telephone and rang the hospital. But I stopped before dialing the last number. How to speak when the lightbulb was in my mouth?


I ran out and asked for help. My neighbour laughed till she couldn't trim her weeds in the lawn properly. I was cursing her in my heart, but I still wrote a message 'Call the taxi and take me to the hospital!'

She apologised for her laughter (she was still giggling) and helped me into a taxi.

The taxi driver burst into laughter when he saw my face like I was swallowing a goldfish. He kept asking me why I did so. You DOOFUS! How was I going to reply you with a lightbulb in my mouth?


In the hospital, I was scolded by a dozen or so nurses for wasting their time and my foolishness. And of course, patients there were staring at me in surprise and laughing their asses off.

My face went red...

The doctor finally took out the pieces of the lightbulb after bursting it. He was careful not to cut my tongue by placing cotton pads in my mouth. He lectured me for my foolish acts and told me to tell everyone in the world, NOT TO PUT A LIGHTBULB IN A MOUTH.

My mouth was swollen, but I still managed to nod and thank him.

As I walked out of the hospital door, everyone was looking at me. I was so embarrassed. I never gonna be that Doofus anymore! Thinking awhile back, I was indeed the doofus, not my friend.... If only I had...

There was a man at the hospital door, he was my taxi driver...










There was a lightbulb in his mouth.........


Monday, December 6, 2010

Trinity Guildhall Awards and Concert 2010

I am glad to help there. Thanks to my teacher, Ms Wong Soo-Sein, I have my time to expose myself to the National Office of Trinity Guildhall School.

Ms Tai Cheah Sin, Ms Amy, Ms Wendy... everyone! Just glad to meet you all. Fonseka and Dr Kirsty, as well as Mr David G Robinson, please to meet you all. Love your humour, doctor! David, please get well. It hurts me so much to see you walking in much difficulties.

Great grand piano you got there, Mr Henry Chan!

Oh yeah, Cheah Sin, thanks for your compliment on my bro and I's duet 'Empress of the Pagodas' as well as our souvenirs! Haha!

To all parents and teachers, sorry if I didn't escort you all nicely to the hall, because I was super busy with the booklets. (Blame the National Manager though!)

Yup, it's U-Jin who came late, that manager... made us so rush... but thank god ,we are through!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Pudar (Rossa)

Ku rasakan pudar dalam hatiku
Rasa cinta yang ada untuk diriku
Ku lelah dan yang semua yang ada
Inginku lepas semua~~

Setan hati untuk bicara
bagaimana kalau ku selingkuh saja
Ku punya banyak teman lelaki
Seperti ku kan bahagia

Mestinya kau car pengganti diriku saja
kerana kita sudah tak saling bicara
Pastikan cerita tentang yang telah lalu
Hanya ada dalam ingatan hatimu

Maafkan aku jika kau kecewa
cintamu bukanlah untuk diriku
Jika memang semua kan jadi cerita
Ku tau kau semakin terluka


I am feeling a bit better already... By the way, I've heard my friend compiling his friends' quotations. So, here I am, citing your FAVOURITE quotations, guess which is yours!

  1. 真的啦!
  2. 快点叫我美女!
  3. 够了没有!?or 'shy shy jek'
  4. Abang!
  5. Min Zhi......................................... (撒娇中)
  6. Waliaoooooo.................!
  7. Wahseh!
  8. OMG!
  9. 冷静点,年轻人
  10. MZ arrrrr......
  11. Encik Tembikai..
  12. Namewee..!!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Sick | Owe

1st of December, I've fallen sick, officially. Nice eh? I wasn't sick till my younger bro caught a disease. I guess I have made him well by making myself sick. LOLx.

Trinity College London Award Ceremony will be held soon and I am performing. Please, God, let me heal faster...

I think I have caught a disease I fear most: 瞌睡病. OK, I am not that sure about that name, because it was given by Zi Han when I was primary 6. I will describe the symptoms, though.

Super sleepy
Lazy to move
Eyes are heavy but mind is clear
Can puasa for days
Prefer bed over others

It's suffering. But what can I do?

I haven't taken a meal for one whole day till I specially made a request of Ji Xuan to bring me porridge. Hot porridge. Nice.

I guess I owe her one. Next time if possible, I will da-bao for her too. And repay the 50cents I still owe her just now.

50 cents eh...?

I remember I still owe Zi Han 5 cents since primary 6. If using depreciation and inflation method, I am not sure the value still has the value of 1 cent, though.

Haiz, sleepy... Next day course registration and HAVE to go to school for lesson and tips.
How to go? Class at 2pm, registration also the same. PLUS I am sick...

Tolong ar tolong....

Monday, November 29, 2010

Lunar River (Episode 6)

She saw Vohne's ship began to disappear in the thick cloud of ionised gas. All sensors were already activated but the signal wasn't good. She couldn't guess where Vohne would head. She only knew both of them would head towards the direction of the Booster. But with all the clouds around, anything could go wrong.

The blip was still tailing them tightly. Nothing had come out of it yet. But Sylvina wasn't taking any chances. She got those weapons in defensive mode and sat tight. Ion cannons could not be deployed yet, she feared that the shield might disrupt and bloom the ion shells.

Her screen flashed red. She looked at it. It was the Angel's Scorch. The ship was telling her that the Scorch was growing in size and the threshold point was lowered. Anytime now the thing would explode and incinerate everything on its path.

She gulped.

'Vohne, you seeing this?' she could not stand the silence in her ship.

'Yup, the Scorch is rapidly growing. I think I need to deviate my path a little,' he replied. His voice crackled. The wavelength was disturbed by the strong EM field.

'Make sure you get to the Booster.'

'That's not even a question,' he replied. 'Weird shit is going on right here. I am seeing something shifting in and out on my sensors. It is unidentified.'

'Artefacts and debris?'

'They are moving swiftly like a bug. It's impossible to have a fix on them. I think it is something we need to pay attention,' he said.

'I am not seeing anything here. Perhaps your sensors are - '

'I am hit! I repeat, I am hit!' Vohne exclaimed.

'Light your beacon. I am coming,' Sylvina said quickly.

'ID antenna is out!' Vohne shouted panickly. 'Those things are hostile! I think they are Vapidus.'

'Vapidus are not found in this sector, Vohne,' she said, trying to be calm. She was now tracking the last exhaust signature from Umbra. 'Defend yourself while you can. Three more minutes and I'll be there. Just hold on.'

The signal was getting weaker. Vohne was trying to utter a complete sentence, but all she could hear was: '... dark... small... quick...' Then the transmission ended.

'Vohne!' she cried out. Her siren rang. Something large loomed over her ship, like a monster had shadowed over her. She checked her sensors for a display. But none came. The ship told her that the object had jammed the sensors temporarily maybe because of a strong magnetic field lines. She was scared because of both reasons: the monster was huge like a starship and it was moving at fifty percent of the speed of light and gaining.

That was what the sensors told her. If she slowed down the camera frame, she could see the shadow was actually moving at ninety-nine point nine nine nine nine nine nine eight percent of light speed. That was hellishly fast for a monster. Either data could be wrong.

For now, the monster was gone, ignoring her. She accelerated towards Vohne's last detected direction. She didn't care about the tailing target. But when she did, she realised the target had mysteriously disappeared.

Another set of sensors made her jump. The volume ahead of her ship had an increased concentrations of trace atoms and metalicity. She shuddered. She feared it was due to Vohne's ship exploded. Her sensors crackled and silenced after that.

She knew what was happening: one of the Scorches was approaching her. It was condensing more and more cloud to grow. But it didn't erupt. Unless it touched the metals of the hull debris. Then, she would have less than four minutes to escape. The only way to make it on time was to accelerate her ship to five thousand gees. But it was impossible.

She had to make choice again. She shut her eyes and thought about how she met Vohne at the first time. It was at Oroligath, the human city at Othripus planet, when she was investigating the rise of the machine kingdom. Through pikes and spears, both of them had been together till this very day.

She opened the communication window and set it to an omnidirectional signal. She lowered down the privacy channel settings and spoke: 'Vohne, I don't know where you are right now. I can't see you in this mess. I wish I could find you sooner but the Scorch is going to kill us both. We need to make it to the Vapidus. That is our promise to Rimdi. We must honour it. If it comes to a difficult decision, then... then I hate to say this. I am going to leave you now and continue the journey. Even if I managed to find you, we are both doomed before we could get out. Either one of us have to complete the journey. If it isn't you, then it's me. It's tough to be together. But I enjoy it. I like the time we have together, especially when fighting against the machines on Othripus. I never thought this is the end of our story. But the universe has more tricks up to its sleeve than we can ever imagine...'

She sobbed. She was crying now. 'I know. I never cry. You call me a brave woman. I thank you for that. Now, I have to leave you. If you are still alive, I hope you can make your way to the Vapidus to meet me and Rimdi there. If not... never mind. I am sorry for what I have done all these times, especially now. I shouldn't have split the ship like you have said.'

The sensors warned her of the approaching Scorch: Two minutes to impact zone. 'Vohne, listen to me. Listen carefully. I love you, Vohne. I never said that to you. But I really mean it. I find no guts to tell you this and I am telling you this. I might leave you forever, but my heart stays with you.'

She shut off the communication window and sent the message in all directions. She ramped up her ship's acceleration and zoomed away, never to look back.

The universe is cruel. Either you have this, or that, but never both.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Lunar River (Episode 5)

'What are you going to do?' Vohne asked.

Sylvina ignored him. 'Ship, turn on your shield.'

'The external environment is unfavourable for such requirements. Risk of damaged hull will be upped for eight orders of magnitude. Are you sure you want to do this?' the ship asked.

'Yes. Shut down the entire ship system after deploying,' Sylvina said.

'You are not only going to make us deviate from our course, you are draining our power as well,' Vohne said.

'As long as we don't ram into the Scorch,' she said. 'Ship, now.'

'Shield activating in ten seconds,' the ship replied.

After ten seconds, the ship was moving smoother than expected, even it was under power. The shield had created a similar characteristics of a planet's magnetosphere, deflecting ions and charged particles around it, just like an aerodynamic head of a plane pushing through the clouds. But the 'thing' behind them was coming worryingly close and their ship's power was increasing at a dismaying speed. Passive sensors had already warned them about the closing target.

'It's time to break up,' Sylvina said.

'What? with me?' Vohne was surprised.

'I mean the ship, not you,' she said. She wasn't laughing at him. She was weighing the risk in her mind. The machines in her mind were calculating the probabilities and statistics. 'Umbraic Nova has to break up like it used to be.'

'You cannot do this. We cannot do this,' Vohne said, in fear.

'Umbraic Nova is only a combined ship,' she snapped. 'We will split into two directions. You take the starboard side and I will take the port side. Remember, get into the right ship. Your ship is - '

'Umbra,' Vohne said it for her. 'But this is preposterous.'

'Take Umbra and return to my Nova if nothing happens. No point losing both ships,' she said. 'If you don't see me replying your message for two minutes, I suggest you pull out a speed that God will put fear in it. Don't ever come back to look for me. Never.'

Vohne saw no sense in arguing. He left and began to find his own deck.

Actually Umbraic Nova consisted of two ships: Umbra and Nova. These two ships were not manufactured by Ataraxia, but from Othripus. They were the most powerful ships ever created and they were part of the clans called 'Seven Sisters' for there were seven of these similar ships of different power and characteristics.

Sylvina had forgotten what the powers were for the rest. She knew her ship Nova was capable of creating huge bursts of EMP, nuclear and antimatter in a short period of time. Her ship had several gamma-ray laser and energy turret, but in return, she had the lowest armour of all.

Umbra, however, had larger and more efficient engine. It can reach up to five gees of acceleration in twenty seconds. It was the fastest acceleration ever recorded. It was designed for stealth, speed and scout. It was never meant to carry any heavy guns. It only had rapidfire munitions, such as micropellets, proton specks and heavy energy guns of up to gigahertz.

But, in order to cover each other's weaknesses, Sylvina had agreed to merge both ships to form a single Umbraic Nova by an intervention from Rimdi, their friend.

Now it was the time to split. Sylvina had told the ship to break down its shield before the ship split. By breaking up into two ships, less power was needed to keep the ship together. They would have a forty percent chance to have their power back and seventy percent chance to have half their power back.

That's the best alternative available.

Sylvina's heart trembled. There would be a chance not to see Vohne again. She couldn't hold that feeling. He had been helping her all the time. They both shared the same feeling but neither had spoken it out. It might be the only time left, or it wouldn't be another chance. She wiped her tears off.

She must tell him how she felt before it was too late.

The ship shuddered as Umbra shook away. She checked her engine power and she was right. Power had been upped for forty percent and still increasing. She waited for the right moment to fire her engine and wham through all the ion cloud despite the risk of being paralysed.

Her radar came alive. She saw Umbra began to put off large distance. It was executing a high-burn.

She breathed in hard.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

FE Dinner Night 2010

It was my 2nd time performance in UTAR. Yup, playing keyboard.

The night was held at Restaurant 'Jia Hao Yue Yuan'. Honestly speaking, the food there was, erm, simple. Yup. Simple. Not not tasty. It's just... simple. Buffet style and I expected more. LOL.

First, sorry ya, Yi Ching, my so-called 'Crazy fan' for my song 'Moonlight Lover'. Haha. Sorry to demand food from you. Thanks anyway. You are a nice girl. LOL. Next time help you balik.

Second, kudos to the 'River of Death' Cocytus Chong (because Cocytus is one of the rivers in Hell). You have done a good job anyway. Your efforts are salutable. Good and responsible programme planner. A busy week for you all. Go take a rest. Yup, with your entire team as well.

Third, to Jing Cong, our precious saxophonist who is going to give up his saxophone to his friend soon. Don't be sad over the loss of possession. You did great. You can still get another saxophone at another time. You did great.

Fourth, to our 'table mates', singers Yen Peng, Kimiro and others, as well as my Neamhus band. Thanks for making all of us laugh till we can't finish our food. Really appreciate that moment. Great singers all four of you. Hope you have a great future.

Fifth, my dear Neamhus band. Yeah yeah, you all did great, but we all need to be better. Sorry for playing some errors in my own composed songs. Sorry ya....

Sixth, nothing more. Just... FUN!!!

A smile, A wave

Once, a friend asked me, 'You look serious all the time, can you be more friendly?'

I asked back. 'I am not serious. It's just I don't feel laughing. Nothing to laugh at. Why tiba-tiba laugh? Like orang gila like that.'

My friend shrugged. He continued, 'You know, you are like Blackjack, the Doctor.'

'Sorry, I didn't watch that anime,' I replied.

'Okay, I make it simple for you. I am going to make you joyful in a year's time.'

I stared at him. I don't know what to say.

Two years later...

Indeed, I have become more joyful, except sometimes I feel bad. The feeling is still there. Like a lurking monster. When the time comes, my face will turn gloomy all over.

But I met this guy. He is the only one who can make me feel the world is so light and delicate.

But, I screwed things up. Because I forgot about the advice given by the Blackjack friend.

Now, I know how to be friendly

It's simple.

A smile and a wave. That's all

PS: Feeling a bit sad all because of my pissed off attitude. Hope everyone can forgive me for that.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Lunar River (Episode 4)

As Umbraic Nova ventured into the pinky-red nebula, lightning sparks could be seen flickering from one end to another. The electrical energy here was intense. Ionised particle was moving swiftly against one and another. Nobody aboard could guess how large this nebula is going to be, not to say the two mirage images. They were both quiet and they had stopped speeding.

A soft beeping voice echoed in the deck. Vohne looked at the screen. He frowned, muttering, 'Impossible... impossible...'

'What is it?' Sylvina asked. She walked over and took a look herself. She gasped silently in disbelief. She was staring at the particle composition collected by the ship's passive sensors. The particles detected was not of heavy molecules or atoms created by a supernova. It consisted of high concentrations of hydrogen, helium, lithium and other super-charged ions, with some traces of metals.

Angel's Flare was used recently, about a decade ago.

Angel's Flare was not of human technology. It was created by an alien culture called Angels. Only a few millenia advanced than human, Angels, however, had been seeking refuge from the Vapidus. A few thousands of them had survived and now they were busy running through the galaxy to find some place to settle down. In a rare occasion, they had met the humans in the last three centuries. It was miracle but the communication between the two cultures escalated to a mutual understanding. Several toys were exchanged. Angel's Flare was one of the rarities.

Angel's Flare was fired to a particular volume of space of unadjusted range and yield. It was so unpredictable that no one tried to use it before. A cloud of super-heated and super-charged vapour seethed the space in less than 3 seconds after firing. If some part of the vapour condensed, a highly metastable state of cloud existed.

Metastable is a state where a delicate equilibrium is achieved. One slight interaction would cause the entire state to fall to ground state. The metastable cloud from the Angel's Flare was also known as the Angel's Scorch. Small meteorites that whammed passed the Angel's Scorch would result in a quick-expanding metallic bubble. It was superconducting and could destroy a ship even a small spark of electric energy was injected.

In other words, stay out of the Angel's Scorch.

There, the two anomalic blips were appeared to be the Angel's Scorch. It was located two hours ahead. They were moving, in a matter of fact. Both Scorches were rotating around each other, with one of them moving slightly faster.

It spelled bad news. It meant that two Scorches would collide eventually and liberate a huge sphere of bubble that could vaporise Umbraic Nova into ionised gas.

'We need to get out of here,' Sylvina said softly, trying not to be panic.

'Copy that, but doesn't it make you wonder who did this?' Vohne said.

'No time for investigation,' Sylvina said. 'We need to pull out as soon as possible. Can we calculate the rotational speed of the Scorches?'

'Too risky. Sensors might be fried dry,' Vohne said. 'We don't even know how large this... this blanket is.' He shrugged.

'The Angel gun takes exactly twenty-five years to power-up. If the passive sensors are right, we are seeing a criminal act thirty years ago, or a little earlier. Problem is, who will reach this point of space?' Sylvina asked.

'Angels themselves, perhaps?' Vohne suggested.

'I don't think so. They have problem in running away from the aliens. If they deployed such armaments, the Vapidus could track them down easily by sensing the wake patterns of the Flare,' Sylvina said. 'I am worried someone had used the Booster before us.'

'Engines off,' Vohne reported.

'What?' Sylvina was surprised.

'No worries, a common issue faced by jogging through the nebula. Electromagnetic pulse. We will be back on opto-electric system shortly,' Vohne said.

'How shortly exactly?' Sylvina asked.

'Thirty minutes,' Vohne said. Sylvina wanted to say something but he cut it. 'Don't worry, we have a residual drift towards the Booster by about 15 percent the speed of light. Take it easy.'

'Easier for you to say,' Sylvina said. 'I am just thinking the possibilities of the enemies lurking somewhere.' She paused. She checked the screen again. She shook her head. 'What? Three Scorches now?' She pointed at a new blip appeared on the screen.

'I don't think so. This Scorch is tailing us tight. We need to ramp up,' Vohne said. 'Ship, engines on!' he called out to the ship's intelligence.

'Power failure. Optimum state would be attained in twenty minutes,' the ship replied cheerily.

'Vohne, I think we will be slamming into the Scorch if we continue to have a residual drift,' Sylvina said. 'I think we can ignite our retrorocket to reverse.'

'Power is down, Sylvina.'

'Oh, great,' Sylvina said, rolling her eyes. 'Have you prayed enough?'

'Prayed? Never,' Vohne looked surprised.

'Then now it is the best time to do so. Hold on tight, I am going to do something you've never done before,' Sylvina said.