Monday, December 13, 2010

Empty soul

I don't know why, the feeling of wanna hug someone is back. LOL. Maybe it is cold in my room.

I remembered I was FIRST hugged by a man, a friend. Yup, HIM again. Fizan, my NS buddy. I was stupefied. You know when something out of ordinary occur in front of your eyes, you just stand there, eyes wide open and do nothing. ABSOLUTELY nothing. That's how I felt.

It was the parting day, where we all had to go back our home as the NS ended. It was tragic. Emotional. People were crying everywhere till the floors were wet. Bags and luggages were thrown aside just to speak the last words before parting ways. Some (many) even wanted to delay their buses by talking more than ever.

It was sad. Superbly.

There I was, standing in a crowd. Staring at crying faces. I felt, like, gone. I just felt empty in my heart. Like a pail that has poured out of every single drop of water. The feeling was not pain or sad. It was... EMPTY... duh... I was standing there....

Figuring out what to pour in my heart... Don't know what to do in the sea of people...

Then, HE came. He said nothing and he just hugged me, saying, 'Lah, saya takkan lupe you MZ. You are the best buddy in the world. Jangan lupe aku Fizan taw!'

That's it. He had crossed my threshold. My heart and soul shattered into pieces. It was like, his words like... I dunno, bomb or something. It just shattered everything I held on to. I couldn't respond back his hug. I just didn't know what to do!

When I sedar balik, I knew I won't be seeing him again for a long long time... Then I knew, everyone, every faces I saw gathering at the hall before parting was not going to last. I wouldn't be seeing them anymore. That was it. The final hour of the final day of my life, I could see all my friends running away.

That's why I felt empty. All friends I have known, were going to be gone...

I wanted to cry. For the first time, I realised the MAJOR loss of friends. I felt like, 'Please don't go! Jangan balik!'

I stood there for a very very long time. Scratching my head, holding my breath, looking at the ceiling, just as excuses for not crying.

I stared at those familiar faces again, trying to burn their faces into my mind to keep them forever. But the more I saw, the worse I felt. My heart was stucked. Like a clogged drain.
Fizan, and everyone, board their buses and left. I frantically checked my bus, hoping to find some of my besties there.

No hope. None at all. Strangers. Baddies...

I slumped on the cushion, gazed outside. Every time we passed by a bus, I would rush to look out from the window, because deep down in my heart, I believed in jodoh would allow my friends and me to see each other again.

Here I am, in UTAR. I stopped feeling bad. Because I saw Wei Yin, Tauke and Keyki. And most of all, my buddy occasionally called.

The warmth entered my heart.

I vow, I will never let it go. I am not going to let my soul empty again.
Every time I read this book, I smile with tears. Those who have written in this book, you have left footprints in my heart, friends!

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