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Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Confused

So, lately my heart has been tweaking my brain a lot. Some flavours changed across the months being out of reach of campus life.

I suddenly feel plain. I feel cold in my heart. Whenever things that are meant to be happy things to me suddenly becomes bland. The biggest example is my, ahem, bruder. Whenever he just texts me (no, no calls), I don't feel like how I used to feel - awesomely happy. It feels like, I have just received an ordinary message and I just have to reply that message.

Is it going to get worse? I don't know. I don't have much time to reminisce my campus life. I feel like I am moving on and away from what I used to have.

Worse, I have the feeling that I always bug people's life. I feel that I am getting drifted away from this 'bruder relationship'. I feel like I shouldn't be in that relationship at the first place. I feel like, wrong. I feel like we shouldn't have been bruders because he already has his.

Weird.

We seldom chat now. He is more busy with his FYPs, reports, bros and his-gals. Well, I, on the other hand, remains empty. Well, it's OK, actually. People move on to their personal life. It's not up to me to tangle myself to them again.

Will I actually get lost?

I remembered writing a sentence like this during primary school:

"River flowing ever quick,
there aren't any flowers to pick.
Hear your friends' voices,
telling you you have no choices.
But to move on and on
and forever gone."

Is this so-called self-fulfilling prophecy coming true? Is that why I have cycles?

If no, then will I be forgotten in my own memories? My friends' contact number has been inactive for years. When I browse through my contact list, I find no one to text with. Is this wrong?

I...

I seem to be lost.

Lost in my own memories.

Help me.


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