Sand as Relationship

Why EMO?

Note: Thanks to my brother (bruder), our little chat inspire this to be written and posted. Credits are given 85% to him.

[Happy Birthday, Blog]

在我心中曾经有一个梦
要用歌声让你忘了所有的痛

灿烂星空谁是真的英雄
平凡的人们给我最多感动

再没有恨也没有了痛
但愿人间处处都有爱的影踪

用我们的歌换你真心笑容

祝福你的人生从此与众不同

把握生命里的每一分钟
全力以赴我们心中的梦
不经历风雨怎么见彩虹
没有人能随随便便成功

把握生命里每一次感动
和心爱的朋友热情相拥
让真心的话和开心的泪
在你我的心里流动

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BLOG!

TTM

Busy vs Me

C.O.L.D.

Suddenly the temperature around me dropped significantly. I held my arms closed to my chest. I wasn't shivering. But I swore I could hear my heart tearing up every time I see the message. The feeling was gone. It seems like just hours ago when everything was just alright.

I barely hanging on...

I can't see the real smile anymore. I don't even think I saw the smile. Once in my lifetime, I realise, I have done a grave mistake. Getting up together but broken up inside. That's the worst feeling ever. For hating you, I blame myself. But I never hate you really. I only hate it when...

I really can't hang on...

I don't know if I can still apologise and get back the smile I used to see. I think I cannot see it anymore. I know I screwed everything up between us and everything. I hope I can rewind the time. I guess it is true that the 'thing' is repeating. I can't get myself right. I am always wrong when you are right.

Maybe I am wrong all the time. Maybe I have been in my fantasy for too long. This semester was meant to be a wake-up call for me. Gosh, when I wrote this blog, I think I can hear my heart crying. Those tears bounced against my stomach, feeling uneasy.

I used to complain the irritation you gave to me, now how I hope you come back and irritate me. I think it won't be. I don't know whether I am glad that I foresee this, or I am sad. I just wish things were back to where it was and how it was.

I can't hold on...

I want to collapse...

Seems like you are not eager enough to keep this thing between us strong, I see no point in me for keep trying. One hand can't make any noise. I used to crave for your hand for the clap. Now, I know - even though I am gravely hurt - that doing all this on my own is stupid.

What for I keep doing this while all you can do is ignore, cold reply and rejection?

The only way is not to contact you anymore until you feel like it.

I am sorry. I have to step back. I can't force myself to make it right. The more I do it, the more you think I am irritating. So, what for?

What for?


I fell...

New Sem

Gone are those days when I can see my bruder almost every day and have meals with him. My time makes me barely even can see him. I am feeling the distance between us is getting further (or is it not?) despite the typing messages we sent.

Really missed those days I ate with him. Now everyone is busy. This and that. Whenever I think of eating, I feel very sour. I don't know why. It's as though something is lacking... Everytime I can only wish him well and imagine his words are pushing me forward. That's all.

Nothing but an imaginary friend? No! I don't allow that to happen. But, it is a reality that both of us are very busy. Well, I am not that busy. I have larger free space on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. But I doubt those times I can meet up with him.

Another thing is, I know it has come to a point that I have to let go of everything I hold dear of, except my family. I have been a very selfish person, stubborn and kepoh person. I don't know how many lives I have been mingling around and tampering around.

I have to stop.

Gone are those days... Reminiscing? I don't know. I think it's a bit early for that. Gosh, I am so hearing 'Tears for a Lost Friend' in my mind. I am getting insane!!!

I now understand. The path I have taken, the path I have chosen, to find out why and what and where the stories go, is never meant to be more than one. All days come from one day and that much I have known, I cannot change what's over but only where to go.

Alone must I to take the road I have chosen, for nobody else will take and uphold. All dreams shatter when you find them. The only way is to grimace and smile at the millions glittering pieces left.

I am so sorry to almost all of you. I have disappointed you all. I can't help much anymore. I therefore retreat to my cave. I am sorry I trouble you all. I no longer will do so.

I am sorry.

Really

Library Mate

Muah muah muah and muah to my friend for willing to spend time with me in the library to kill boredom, even though my friend has class.

Don't get it wrong, my friend didn't skip class. My friend just came to see me when the class ended. Yesterday was a shock because my friend waited for me till 815pm! I was so touched. I mean, my friend's class ended at around 5pm and yet...

Gee... I don't know what to say. I didn't even know my friend would be waiting for me!

Meet you up tomorrow!

Wo0ts

Wow, I love this semester. I am sorry for bragging my semester timetable last semester, and now, I pretty much like it, except the fact that the lecturer and tutor from Financial Market and Regulation sucks.

Busy is how I mean it to be.

I sleep early, wake up early, have breakfast with a cup of coffee and go to school with a nice new backpack. Then when there is class, I attend; when there ain't class, I go to library. In short, I go home after 8pm everyday and go to school at 7.30am.

Uber kool!

There is no time to think other matters. All in my mind is just notes and words. Gosh, I even studied FMR 3 times today, before coming back! I am not trying to boast anything, but hey, I CAN ACTUALLY FOCUS! (well with some slight distraction)

Funny WeiVian (nah, I post your name here, don't ever say I never post it =P), I was eating with her and I helped her take the chopsticks, spoons and chilli sauce, she asked me, 'Do you ever feel like you are a gentleman when you do this for a girl?'

I am not going to say much on this. HAHA.

Today is great too! I met Dinesh and Ah Seng. Ah Seng still remains that friendly. Oh, Ah Seng, I miss your touch on me! LOL. I thank you for that 10 minutes. Without it, I am seriously nothing. You are the best!

I also saw Andy.

Gosh, I saw so many people today. YitMun? I saw her two times a day and saw her again a day before. And gladly (sadly?) it rains. I like rain. It gives me the serenity and thought.


AHh.... gotta get some sleep tonight. TOMORROW is yet another fighting day.

Thanks to JuanWyn, I am feeling much better!

Study