Gone are those days when I can see my bruder almost every day and have meals with him. My time makes me barely even can see him. I am feeling the distance between us is getting further (or is it not?) despite the typing messages we sent.
Really missed those days I ate with him. Now everyone is busy. This and that. Whenever I think of eating, I feel very sour. I don't know why. It's as though something is lacking... Everytime I can only wish him well and imagine his words are pushing me forward. That's all.
Nothing but an imaginary friend? No! I don't allow that to happen. But, it is a reality that both of us are very busy. Well, I am not that busy. I have larger free space on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. But I doubt those times I can meet up with him.
Another thing is, I know it has come to a point that I have to let go of everything I hold dear of, except my family. I have been a very selfish person, stubborn and kepoh person. I don't know how many lives I have been mingling around and tampering around.
I have to stop.
Gone are those days... Reminiscing? I don't know. I think it's a bit early for that. Gosh, I am so hearing 'Tears for a Lost Friend' in my mind. I am getting insane!!!
I now understand. The path I have taken, the path I have chosen, to find out why and what and where the stories go, is never meant to be more than one. All days come from one day and that much I have known, I cannot change what's over but only where to go.
Alone must I to take the road I have chosen, for nobody else will take and uphold. All dreams shatter when you find them. The only way is to grimace and smile at the millions glittering pieces left.
I am so sorry to almost all of you. I have disappointed you all. I can't help much anymore. I therefore retreat to my cave. I am sorry I trouble you all. I no longer will do so.
I am sorry.