Seriously, this time round, I do not wish to be in Kampar when that happens. It feels so fake and hurting. I remembered I have a friend last year, he was thrilled to have his 21st birthday in Kampar while all those years he went back to be with his family.
In the end of 2359hrs of his birthday, nobody came to visit him, save for a long list of Facebook 'Happy birthday' greetings. He was devastated. He couldn't be sure whether Internet has killed his joy or he was thinking that he is a popular kid or somewhat lovable amongst his friends.
OK, I am not applying his case one mine. I am just saying, I have no point staying in Kampar for my birthday. It feels... fake. Maybe it's my nature that I don't like great parties (in fact I never have one and do not wish to have one), I prefer myself stuck at home, doing things I like.
Yup, I am not going to hangout. Not one single effing way you can drag me out. I am going somewhere far without any of you guessing where am I. No, I am not emo. I just don't want anyone to celebrate with me, except my family.
During CNY, my friend contacted me and I was touched about what he said to me. He asked me 'Go ahead and think who you are and what you like. Then you have the happiness you seek.' And so I did.
I am myself. I dislike great parties. I am lazy. I love writing novels, short stories, drawing and learning astrophysics and biology. I like friends who have lesser friend circles, not too outgoing, not a crazy doofus, not popular, not rich, humble, sentimentsl and most importantly we both have similar traits.
Yeah, people like me are almost extinct in the urban ecology, maybe I should seek in the rainforest. Well, it's OK. I once seek something valuable for almost ten years now and I am still seeking for it, so I guess I can just, you know, 'doing' my life along. I just quietly wait for that thing to come rather than I hope someone I like to be that thing. So yeah, if you treat me good, it doesn't mean anything. It just mean you are good-hearted. Everyone treats me good, so how any of you treat me is nothing different under the category of 'good'.
I had another phone call + SMS. I was feeling relieved when I got that contact. There was nothing I would suggest that he resembled my elder brother looking after me invisibly. He would not pop up as frequent as possible. But the best thing is, he knows when I am in trouble. He guides me there. I cannot say whether he is sentimental but he is very humble, jovial and humourous. I could not remember how he has taken care of me when I am devastated by pressures and stress (and of course NOT by emotions).
Oh, why oh why has this world turn me round and round?
OK, just being random.
Some people asked me about my presents for birthday. You serious about that? Well since you insist, I will tell you what I want for my birthday:
You might ask what about books? I will reply. Duh, I have book vouchers, I don't need your gift! Ouch that was rude. No, I mean, safe your book voucher for yourself. I can buy my own books. Though I keep saying about Lord of the Rings thingy, that doesn't mean I want it. Though I mentioned about Alastair Reynolds' Space Opera, that doesn't mean I want it. Face it, you can't buy me that book in anywhere else except in KL. So, don't get a book for me, because I will return it to you.
Don't get a shirt for me. For pity's sake! I am not SHIRTLESS!
Don't get shoes for me. Don't get ANYTHING!