My Idol

He's my idol. Serious.

See that package in his hands? I have contributed a small part of it. He's a German. He taught me how real, true men friendships are like. Because of him, I was ever more determined to find someone who share my views (My bruder!!!).

I won't share out his name YET. But he is cute. See that photo and you know why. Last time I used to wish to have a best friend. When I mean last time, I meant 10 years ago. And because of this German dude, he made me believe. I thank him.

OK, just being 'exposing'. He is not really my idol in your sense. I mean my idol because he somehow teaches me something about friendship.

Everyone can be my idol. Don't be mistaken!

If I Can Be With You

That thou hast her, it is not all my grief,

And yet it may be said I loved her dearly;

The fact that you now have my mistress is not the only thing that causes me pain, although I did love her very much;

That she hath thee is of my wailing chief,

A loss in love that touches me more nearly.

I'm more upset that she has stolen you from me.

Loving offenders, thus I will excuse ye:

Thou dost love her, because thous know'st I love her,

Here's the reason why I forgive you both: you love her because you know I love her

And for my sake ev'n so doth she abuse me,

Suff'ring my friend for my sake to approve her.

And she is with you because she knows I love you, and she can love me better with your blessing.

If I lost thee, my loss is my love's gain,

And losing her, my friend hath found that loss

If I lose you, it means I get her, If I lose her, it means you get her.

Both find each other, and I lose both twain,

And both for my sake lay on me this cross

You're together and I've lost my relationships with both of you, but you are doing it for my own good.

Songs

I was listening to Shakira's Shewolf and Enrique Inglesias' Tonight I'm F***ing You as well as The Lonely Island's (ft. Akon) I Just Had Sex when my friends popped in and asked:

"Wow, you actually listen to these songs? I mean, ACTUALLY listen?"

At that moment, my eyebrows and eye were parallelly horzontal. If you know what I mean.

No? You don't know what I mean?

This:

= =

OK, I will announce that I do not like (especially) J-K songs, or Japanese & Korean songs. You want me to explain? First, Korean songs are similar in beat, rhythms and even lyrics. I am a song-performer critic. Sorry. Everyone has his/her own views. Well, I had mine. I've heard from someone that Korean songs are kicking up huge storms just because we all love their beats.

For me, it's like listening to Taylor Swift whole day. Country, country and country.

OK, don't call me a Taylor hater. I am just giving an example, which leads me to my next point.

I love music. But not one whole flood that suffocates me in a single genre. For example, don't pour in a huge amount of Kevin Kern's piano music. Gawd. That's... ear torture. Not eargasm.

So, I actually listen to a wide variety of music, but not only one genre. But I prefer World music, which is something like Adiemus

or something as enigmatic as the band Enigma. Serious. I love serene music like Enya, Sarah Brightman, Leona Lewis and Sarah McLachlan.

But I can go as extreme as clubbing songs ('lame' man's term), or more specifically Techno, Electropop (like La Roux's Bulletproof) and Heavymetal (terms applied). Well about rapping, I have a slight distaste.

I love melodies. (That's why rapping is... erm, not right for me) I need melodic ups and downs, swirls and slurs.

Well, about Enya, that's a long history.

I have been listening to her music since I was only 4 (or maybe even earlier, since I can't recall my baby days). Her voice is really like an elf. Speak as though sing, sing as though speak. Her song is awesome. Till now, without concerts, she is able to achieve millions of CD sales. And the proudest thing yet is nobody can imitate her voice.

She is magical.

OK, I got to stop.

Exile

Cold as the northern winds
In December mornings,
Cold is the cry that rings
From this far distant shore.

Winter has come too lateToo close beside me.
How can I chase away
All these fears deep inside?

I'll wait the signs to come.
I'll find a way
I will wait the time to come.
I'll find a way home.

My light shall be the moon
And my path - the ocean.
My guide the morning star
As I sail home to you.

I'll wait the signs to come.
I'll find a way
I will wait the time to come.
I'll find a way home.

Who then can warm my soul?
Who can quell my passion?
Out of these dreams - a boat
I will sail home to you.

Quotes

Mix

Since I grew myself a goatee, many new friends are asking me:

"Are you a MIX?"

And I've heard, it's not just about my goatee, it's, in fact, about my complexion. It's a bit dark and I have a goatee. I don't know what mix they are referring to.

Malay mix Chinese? Indian mix Chinese? Or worse, Mongolia mix Chinese?

Thai? Indonesian?

*dizzy*

O.o

So, should I be happy about it?

My ugly face is really coming out embarrassed. Gosh. How I wish I have my dark circles removed. It seems that those circles are permanent. It's caused by my underlying blood vessels and health level.

Argh.

Wait, since when I am so obsessed with my looks?

OMG.

Am I handsome enough?

Should I "stay mixed"?

*Pondering*

Random Thoughts

Blogging. Duh.

I can't believe I ate around 1kg of a cake as my dinner. *burp*... excuse me.

Tell you, this double-room of mine is getting me melancholic day by day. Gosh. I really do hope someone is in my room chatting with me. The room feels so quiet. Housemates are all out. If my brother was same room with me, hmm, I guess neither of us can get our homework done.

LOL!

Hmm, my friends are all sleeping over to other friends house. They asked, "what about you? Don't you wanna go sleep with your friends?"

*Heart crunch*

I know many of you are besties till you all can even exchange shirts and sleep together every day. I know, seriously! Yes, I admit,  I did wish this before. But what can I say? I am always available for offer, but everyone is not available for offer.

LMFAO.

Hmm... I don't know what to say. I just wish my brother all the best in everything. Haha... kesian dia next week and the next next week. I hope I can be helpful by then!

And oh yeah, brother, if you are reading this, this afternoon when we hugged and you said about I can't take pressure on that hug, it's not because you hugged me too tight and I don't want it. It is actually because your shoulder is locking my Adam's apple...

LOL!

OK, enough nonsense. Ciao!

Warmth

It all started with a drizzle in the morning... It was all cold and breezy...

Hmm, I wonder, is it Arva day today? I saw so many Arvarians around. And har, I realised my blog has upsetted my brother. I am so so so sorry. I re-read my blog and indeed I found that it sounded depressing.

Hold on, brother! I never mean that! Because I was doing assignments while I typed it. So there were inconsistencies! I was happy! Oh, dear... I am so sorry about that... >.<

Last night, even though you were not there, what you have "encouraged" had certainly made a positive effect on me. Thank you, especially the last message you had sent.

OK, I have heard some people commenting about my gayness with my brother. Hello, he's my brother. We don't commit gay, because it's incest. We might commit it if we weren't brothers *troll face*. Yeah, so some of you screamed because I said, 'yeah, we are gays' just because I am teasing you. Haha.

So if you want to think about us being gays, go ahead. =P

Today, haha, so funny. I can't even type out the sentence. "Gonna share what MQA food gave me with you"... my reaction was "Awwwwww". Haha... and he did. LOL.

Randoming... whatever... tomorrow's big day. MMU is coming to visit UTAR and I have to prepare for it. What the....

Birthday Thoughts

I had always wanted to escape birthday from my friends. I don't like parties. I don't like people yelling at me "Happy Birthday!!!". I am weird. I know. I always wanted to be in my room, silently texting replies "Thanks" to all those who sent me my birthday wishes.

This year, I don't know how to say. I can't be sure whether I am entirely happy,  because there's still a spice of sadness and frustration in it. Maybe because I cannot handle lies very well and I get jealous very easily. People lie to me when they are going for better situation so that they can just, you know, comfort me by telling they are not going.

*Sigh*

17th February night, brother took me out for dinner at 8.20pm, reached around 9.45pm because we walked. Well, nothing fancy if you want to prod into our matter. It's mamak food. Not Secret Recipe or Grand Kampar Hotel like you all guessed and claimed. It's difficult to say I enjoy that night because I always enjoy my time with my brother. Though it doesn't feel "birthday-ly" to me, but it is warm enough to have my brother around. He gave me a gift of course. For those who know me, there is no prize for guessing what's the gift. So, yeah, it's an ordinary dinner-supper, no big cakes, no balloons and definitely no others. Just me and my brother.

[But we did see Darren, TingWei and Sylvia coming to that mamak restaurant as well as Panda]

It's a quiet night that time. I hope I can see the stars, but my brother said he is tired and sleepy. So I have to discard that idea and walk home in a longer route. I seriously don't want him to feel "disgruntled". I want him to have a good rest after all those shout of laughters and joy when he is with his coursemates and doing reports. Especially the next day he has dances to teach.

When I was back at my own room, oh, how I felt I have a piano to play with. And my eyes tingled. I sat on my bed and did nothing for the rest of the 5 minutes. I felt something was wrong. Something went missing. I pinched my fingers. I combed my hair with my knuckles. I hugged my pillow and carefully nibbed away the giftwrapper, taking out the present and spent my time decoding. But the feeling...

I was devastated once again during my birthday.

The next day, brother took me to campus for the UTAR 10th Anniversary Fest (aka Annifest). He didn't join me till later as I have mentioned about his dance practice. Overall, it's a silly fest. I don't understand the sale of organic vegetables. I don't understand why prices are over the top of the hills. It's not charity, it's just a fest. Some even sell double decker and stuffs like that for RM2... it's cheap, but, hello, it's a fest.

Or is it me who doesn't understand the meaning of fest?

I went there and I gasped.

*FOREVER ALONE*

There was nobody I know to be there. It took me quite some time to find Panda... it took me another dozens of minutes to meet Wendy. It took me half an hour to spot Andy. And the rest, well, nothing. I have to wait till Rachel's class finish only I have my KNOWN friends to be with at a longer time. I helped her with the sandwich sales, which for me, it's really really cheap compare to other stalls. Oh, come on, RM2 for one sandwich with a drink. Others, like French Fries, RM4 for a pack of burger container size.

Gosh.

I bought myself two pieces of durian cake, hoping to share it with my brother (in the end, he ate it first without waiting =(...). And my brother went to the DJ console and asked for a song for me and my birthday. OMG. Barney's Birthday song. It's... wrong... funny... or whatever that is...

I was not happy that day, but somehow glad... So glad that I smiled a lot.

At night, my parents came to me and brought me good news about my younger brother and I was happy my mother knew I had one thing I needed the most. She gave it to me with my name carved on it! How uber cool is that!? Want to know what is it? Well, hint you, a lady's status is determined by her handbag and apparels, so a man's status is determined by his watch and ________. (A character in Spiderman)

Then later in the night, JuanWyn came to visit by skipping the rehearsals for a moment to celebrate birthday with me, along with WeiWei and Wendy. Huge cake. My only cake of the day (night). I wish to spend more time with them, but they wanted to leave already.

Devastated.

And worse, someone slept so late that it disrupts my sleeping. It's like I feel someone is awake laughing and having fun with someone else. I don't know who it was, but I don't want to know, because I am devastated twice.

Happy birthday to myself

Countdown

The final countdown has just started. I have to spend every minute and second wisely. Make every minute and second counts. I don't have much time left.

I hope you all do understand that. That's why certain thing I am rushing and something I be good. I've been nice to the same person two days in a row. I hope that fellow understands my intention.

The bread and drink, is the only thing I can express to you.

Bye.