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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Birthday Thoughts

I had always wanted to escape birthday from my friends. I don't like parties. I don't like people yelling at me "Happy Birthday!!!". I am weird. I know. I always wanted to be in my room, silently texting replies "Thanks" to all those who sent me my birthday wishes.

This year, I don't know how to say. I can't be sure whether I am entirely happy,  because there's still a spice of sadness and frustration in it. Maybe because I cannot handle lies very well and I get jealous very easily. People lie to me when they are going for better situation so that they can just, you know, comfort me by telling they are not going.

*Sigh*

17th February night, brother took me out for dinner at 8.20pm, reached around 9.45pm because we walked. Well, nothing fancy if you want to prod into our matter. It's mamak food. Not Secret Recipe or Grand Kampar Hotel like you all guessed and claimed. It's difficult to say I enjoy that night because I always enjoy my time with my brother. Though it doesn't feel "birthday-ly" to me, but it is warm enough to have my brother around. He gave me a gift of course. For those who know me, there is no prize for guessing what's the gift. So, yeah, it's an ordinary dinner-supper, no big cakes, no balloons and definitely no others. Just me and my brother.

[But we did see Darren, TingWei and Sylvia coming to that mamak restaurant as well as Panda]

It's a quiet night that time. I hope I can see the stars, but my brother said he is tired and sleepy. So I have to discard that idea and walk home in a longer route. I seriously don't want him to feel "disgruntled". I want him to have a good rest after all those shout of laughters and joy when he is with his coursemates and doing reports. Especially the next day he has dances to teach.

When I was back at my own room, oh, how I felt I have a piano to play with. And my eyes tingled. I sat on my bed and did nothing for the rest of the 5 minutes. I felt something was wrong. Something went missing. I pinched my fingers. I combed my hair with my knuckles. I hugged my pillow and carefully nibbed away the giftwrapper, taking out the present and spent my time decoding. But the feeling...

I was devastated once again during my birthday.

The next day, brother took me to campus for the UTAR 10th Anniversary Fest (aka Annifest). He didn't join me till later as I have mentioned about his dance practice. Overall, it's a silly fest. I don't understand the sale of organic vegetables. I don't understand why prices are over the top of the hills. It's not charity, it's just a fest. Some even sell double decker and stuffs like that for RM2... it's cheap, but, hello, it's a fest.

Or is it me who doesn't understand the meaning of fest?

I went there and I gasped.

*FOREVER ALONE*

There was nobody I know to be there. It took me quite some time to find Panda... it took me another dozens of minutes to meet Wendy. It took me half an hour to spot Andy. And the rest, well, nothing. I have to wait till Rachel's class finish only I have my KNOWN friends to be with at a longer time. I helped her with the sandwich sales, which for me, it's really really cheap compare to other stalls. Oh, come on, RM2 for one sandwich with a drink. Others, like French Fries, RM4 for a pack of burger container size.

Gosh.

I bought myself two pieces of durian cake, hoping to share it with my brother (in the end, he ate it first without waiting =(...). And my brother went to the DJ console and asked for a song for me and my birthday. OMG. Barney's Birthday song. It's... wrong... funny... or whatever that is...

I was not happy that day, but somehow glad... So glad that I smiled a lot.

At night, my parents came to me and brought me good news about my younger brother and I was happy my mother knew I had one thing I needed the most. She gave it to me with my name carved on it! How uber cool is that!? Want to know what is it? Well, hint you, a lady's status is determined by her handbag and apparels, so a man's status is determined by his watch and ________. (A character in Spiderman)

Then later in the night, JuanWyn came to visit by skipping the rehearsals for a moment to celebrate birthday with me, along with WeiWei and Wendy. Huge cake. My only cake of the day (night). I wish to spend more time with them, but they wanted to leave already.

Devastated.

And worse, someone slept so late that it disrupts my sleeping. It's like I feel someone is awake laughing and having fun with someone else. I don't know who it was, but I don't want to know, because I am devastated twice.

Happy birthday to myself

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