Dead Man Tell No Tales

Dead man tell no tales, err, Bad boy pull all girls?

There's this 'famous' Chinese proverb, saying 'Boys who are naughty gets the love of a girl'. Well, how much of it is fact? How much is it a fiction?

I was determined to find out.

Some said yes, some said no. Disappointingly so, (and also quite expected).

Today, I thought I can see you in campus, but, nah, you weren't there, heart sunken down like the Titanic. I thought if I can stay longer in campus, I can... Never mind, TTM-ing.

Then, I heard one more heart-breaking gossip from your friend, saying 'Bad boys pull all girls', something like that. I was stupefied. Am I bad? Am I good? I shook my head, trying to clear all my doubts.

Then, I saw you.

I don't know where to look. If I stared at you, you might think I have feelings over you, if I don't stare at you, you still think that I have feelings over you, because my 'avoidance' tactic is too visible.

Argh.

Play KEYBOARD!!! DOn't care already!!!!

You

Sleepless nights of exactly three weeks.

What has gone into me that makes you never gone in my heart? Maybe I shouldn't stroll too early near that house, or else I wouldn't even see you walking pass.

You know what makes me feel terrible? It's the feeling of wanting to know someone but that someone keeps shifting in and out of my vision, making me difficult to approach.

Once, you talked to me. I was like 'OMG'. The voice. The eyes. The humour. The personality.

You.

Then you said 'Goodnight' before I had a chance to ask you more. You turned away, stepping further and further away. The clear footsteps of yours, were like hammers on my heart... *stomp stomp stomp*...

I don't know what feeling is that. It's not sad, not worry, not happy, not excited. Just my heart beats deeper.

Before Chinese New Year, I was already holding a card, wishing to pass it to you. But you were already gone. I heard your friends said that you are out for a few days before returning here. I thought I can wait for you, but I have to go back to my own house.

I failed.

And the card is still here.

I hope we can meet somemore. It's a once-in-a-lifetime feeling that I have never experienced before.

What are YOU?

Cosmos, or the universe, is so vast. But which are you? You are a dot out of 6 billion dots in the whole world. See which fits you:

PLANET: You do things repetitively to ensure your survival and life. Just like a planet, whirling on its orbit, never do anything but keeping its rock/gas well within its own volume.

STAR: You are just to narcissist. You like people to look at you, admire you, or maybe you like to make people look at you or admire you. Simply...

SUPERNOVA: You love to shine on others. You do things quick and bright and leave a huge impact on people life, be it good or bad. You just love that.

BLACKHOLE: You are seriously obsessive. You are a controllist. You take everything to your side and claim it your possession. You argue over benefits...

NEUTRON STAR: You can attract people, but by the same token, you refuse to let out your petty secrets. Anyone found hurling criticism to your face will be rewarded with your verbal or action response.

@.@

Just for ketam-ing:

Arguments of the monetary difference (as in asset account) between Economics, Accountancy and Finance.

Economics: Either both debit and credit side must equal, or debit side must increase to the max (they just love equilibriums, don't they?)
Accountancy: No matter how, both sides MUST equal. NO questions asked. If unequal, you are a bad accountant.
Finance: Make it credit! Make it credit! No risk no return! Gotta take that risk to earn more profit!!!

Arguments of the urinary process occur in organism between Biology, Chemistry and Physics.

Biology: As the toxic waste increases, osmosis is required to bring out the impurities. It keeps us alive. That's bio!
Chemistry: It's nothing bio. The chemical process of how a protein transforming into urea is nothing biological. It's chemical. Without atomic bonding and breaking, these wouldn't have happened. Chemis ROCKS~
Physics: Shut up. You're wrong. There is an energy transfer from a higher gradient to a lower gradient. In order to preserve the energy flow and not wasted, extra energy consumers must be expelled through kinetic energy and gravitational energy. Or else why our urinary duct is downward flowing?

Arguments of the music instrument practicality between Piano, Violin and Guitar

Violin: Hah, guitar can't use bow to play double-stopping!
Guitar: I can strum chords simultaneously. You can?
Piano: Pooh bah, I can play ten notes minimum as a chord!

Hey, no hard feelings mates!

Distorted Love

I listened to RedFM one day and the DJ kept saying 'I love you' to anyone calling over, regardless of gender.

It makes me wonder...

Once, I said 'I love you to be my friend...'
My friend giggled and said 'Yeah, me too...'

Then, now I said 'I like to have you as my friend'
My friend widened his eyes and said 'What, are you gay?'

Now, I said '...'
My friend replied '=.='

It seems like the vocabulary of English has been severly abused and biased.

LOVE does not mean ROMANCE

It simply tells us the feeling we feel great and comfortable with someone. OK, fine, you don't wanna use LOVE, so use LIKE instead.

But LIKE conveys a meaning of LOVE.

Equation 1: LOVE = ROMANCE
Equation 2: LIKE = LOVE

Thus: LIKE = ROMANCE

So, here's a case:

I like durian.

Does that mean I am having a ROMANCE with durian?

=.=!!!

Pillow Words

Alright, it's late. Hence, the title. As usual, I am going to whine and kick at this blog.

I stood by the cliff with silent winds and distant waves under the deep blue night.
The sound of the strings plucked by you sent tremors in my heart.
I shuddered...


I remembered seeing a girl with a school dress standing by a ditch. She held a tupperware in one hand and a bread in another hand. She was nibbling her bread cautiously, as if one wrong bite might crush the bread into dust.

Then, pitter patter, a boy ran passed her. As he stomped his feet when he ran, he splashed a considerable amount of muddy water onto the girl's clean dress. The girl didn't yell or scream. She stared down at her diry dress and patiently finished her bread.

Then, she walked to a room to ask for extra dress.

This scene repeated many times almost everyday. Her dress was dirtied every day and she still stood at that site, nibbling on her bread.

No, there was nothing psychotic about her. She told me:

'People makes mistakes by creating fun out of it, some create fun by making mistakes. If I walk away from there, I can't see the boy having fun looking at my dress. And I can't feel how tough life is without making yourself feel tough.'


Pillow words from me: Don't get too close.
Detail words? Wait for the next entry

Twist

Y'know, I feel like I want to find a hole and bury myself in it.

Chinese New Year, I thought I can be more focus. Akhirnya, I failed. I don't know why I started to care sooooo much about my friends. All because of that Mrs Temitayo, made me 'dreamt' about Mr Q.

OK, seriously no misunderstanding here.

Call me a psychotic prophet, what I dreamt is never good. Yes, my dreams do come true, but often with a twisted, sticky end. Deja vu is never my expertise.

Here, let me warned you something hidden in me:

When I dreamt about YOU, it means that both of us never meant to be friends at all. Even we can be the bestest of the best, it just last very short and bright, like a supernova. So, at first I thought that separation in the next few months might be a good thing for everyone.

But... A big big BUT...

No, it didn't happen the same way I've thought.

There isn't any separation. There is a close call of - what you say, er, fate? - destiny. Stop saying the follow to me:

I look like him.
I behave like him.
I am cheeky like him.

Correction here ladies and gentlemen, I am WHO I AM. I don't resemble him in MANY ways. Doesn't mean we know each other, we have to be LIKE each other.


My first war with a guy is at Form 5
My 2nd war is also at late Form 5
My 3rd war is at 2009.
My 4th war is at 2010.

I don't want to have a 5th war. Maybe Weiwei was right after all. Maybe Alan was right. I shouldn't indulge myself in treating my friends well till I met someone who treat me the way like I do.


Weiwei, you know who am I talking right?

Single

Solo. Single. All are similar words.

Wasted too much time on nothing.

I don't know whether it is a fate or coincidence that almost every male friend I have been closed with had a problem with their father's side, or at least, something special that made their dad not with mum, in either divorce, angered, deceased or out to work.

==

time to let go everything


After all these, time to move on Mr Q. Remember, I never make a dent in your life. Don't go over and do something that I shouldn't receive, even though it is a simple thanks.

Byebye

Wisdom of the Sea

People started calling me the New Age Philosopher and I am 'sick' of it. Come on, I just give mere advices and encouragement. That shouldn't make me something like Confucius Reincarnated (sounds like a video game title).

Actually, I sometimes think where I got my advices and mountain-high philosophies. Blah. But I know when it started. It was during Primary 5. I know it sounds crazy but when I was Primary 5, my nickname was 'Mr Cool' for being expressionless, cold and hard like cryo-metal. Then, I went to Penang with my family.

Guess what, I went to Batu Ferringhi. I didn't talk much (duh, Mr Cool) and I went looking for a large boulder located at the shallow sea. The sea was knee-high and I walked carefully to the boulder and sat on it, all alone.

The feeling was bad, I tell you. EMO. You feel alone, but when people come and care for you, your heart splits into two: GO AWAY and I WISH YOU CAN TALK TO ME NOW. Paradox. Yup. I know.

I observed how the waves waving and how the sky merges with the sea. I listened the whispers of the wind. Then like a spark plug being ignited, my mind became crystal clear, like a whiteboard being scrubbed clean.

I love the sea more often than ever. (That should explain the blog in blue with sea names)

Why can't we be the sea?

The waves are churning, just like our emotions shifting; but below the sea, it is serene and calm, teeming with life. There is an old saying: there is despair in life, but there is also life in despair. Why EMO about things you have lost while you have almost everything by your side?

Look at the sea, it is just water and bubbles, but how many treasures it holds? From the massive Titanic to the smallest invertebrates like sea-angel and smallest chordates like the tunicles. It fits everything and never roars. Can we be as content as the cucumber when the world is in mess? Try. Beauty is only skin deep. You keep your best in your hearts, don't show off.

Tsunami occurs. That's sad. But who doesn't get pissed off? Have you ever heard sea-life being devastated when tsunami occurs? That's what we should learn. You get pissed off but don't you ever harm your goodness in your heart. Although tsunami wrecks the land, it still occurs like in a blue moon. So, what's your BEST reason for getting anger and show them your pissed of face?

Anger is caused by your heart being tiny for not able to contain a prick of sand.
Sadness is caused by your heart unable to capture the fallen stars.

Why put these two emotions in your heart always while you can have Happiness, Excitement, Satisfaction and among all thousands of positive feelings?

Listen. Just listen. I am willing to help you all to get up but one thing I cannot stand is you don't give yourself a push. Honestly speaking, when I make a friend, I don't like him or her to be sad. I will do whatever I can to put a smile on their faces.

For guys, they think I am gay as I am being thorough to cheer them up.
For girls, they think I am great because to them, many guys failed to cheer girls except on material needs.

I am not being Adonis. I lost 6 times of best-friend relationship with guys because of their egotism. On the other hand, I never lost any best-friend relationship with girls. I don't know why seriously. And I hope (that's my wish since Form 1) that some guys can treat me well enough. ><

Enough blabbering. Chinese New Year is here, I am not here to pressure anyone.


Have fun!

As Long As the Candle Stays

You stand on the crossroad. You don't know where to go. You asked people and they tell you the same thing: "Where I go, you go."

Ever heard of the poem "The Road Not Taken"? It's both a good and bad thing. It's what we called 'Life'. Life is interesting when there are choices to be made. If you don't, what life are you having besides the life of others?

Ahead, you must not be quivering over the words by your kin. Think. Think hard. If it comes to your expertise, your profession and you think you can perform well at the end of the road, then take it without doubt. Don't ever hesitate. Did you know a moment of hesitation will cause you a lifetime of regret?

I was once a Science student, bravely announcing to public that I am taking 'Marine Bio' as my field of study, after I discarded the idea of being an Astrophysicist. Teachers congratulated me, friends pressured me. I love the sea. I am an Aquarian, who cares?

My doctor even told me that I have to learn intensive scuba-diving and submarine engineering, but I still stood still over my choice. For me, the candle ahead of me is shining brightly like a star and I was determined to go straight.

But now, a Banking and Finance student. Who pressured me? Nobody did. It was a gradual and yet abrupt transition (paradox...). I took Biotech after I failed to receive 8 scholarships (till now I don't understand why those 8 failed), then I switched to Biochem, then Biomed, then Chemical Engineering, then Computer Science (thinking of inventing Quantum Computers), to Journalism, Accountancy and finally, Banking and Finance.

I changed it because I see something else. I am versatile enough to learn any course, but the world isn't versatile enough to contain my wild heart. I can only choose one, or two if possible. Then I began to research on the market.

Financers are all around me. Without finance knowledge, you don't even know when your bank is cheating on you. Well, that's not the point. The point is, I see my candle light dimmed and sometimes even obstructed by an unknown force.

Then I realised. In my home country, you can take Science field, but you have to be superbly PRO and work in Multi-National Company to move faster, or else, you will be trapped in 3 major fields: Fishery, Forestry (Palm oil) and Mineral (Petroleum).

I don't want those three.

So I make a tough choice, that made my mum cried because she worried I cannot cope it in the future as I was so 'science-based' till I do my own experiment and research at home, even argued a point in Wikipedia. And of course, she once told me to take business. She thought she was forcing me to take Business.

Nah, it wasn't. And she said, study well, no course offered in the university is wasted. Or else there won't be that course after all.

And so, here I am, a Banking and Finance student, finding new fun and horizon in my future. Ahead, I saw my candlelight again.

Then I realised something awful.


The candle never changed. It won't changed for a person. It stays there. It's just a matter of changing perspective. No matter how, you still reach for the candle. Don't blow it. Don't question it. Your friends might threaten to take it away, or force you to see it at the other perspective. Not good. You have to see it for yourself.

As long as the candle stays, your choices remain open, that's what I can say. Both choices are equally good. My friend said my science was good. But it wasn't that good after I realised I have talked so much about science that - psychologically - my friends thought I was 'science-minded'.

Try talk 2 different topics or choices at once at equal length, equal depth, equal width. You will be surprised your friend would say:

'Go and choose one and say la. I am confused to hear two topics alternating every day!'

Now, for that statement, what choice you choose?

So, the choice is yours. The candle is yours. How you burn it, how you shine it, how you look it, depends on you. Nobody can help that.



[PS: currently too many people asking for my advice. My lame advice can be above. If not, sorry for wasting your time over here. Let you punch next time I see you.]