Wanderer (Episode 1)

Another metaphoric story of mine...

A wanderer whose name is his own name came into the Valley of the Mountains and the Lake of the Sunset. The view of the grey palace once attracted his attention to seek pilgramage or even refuge there.

Because of his quiet and serious character, the Knights and Knaves of the Palace seemed to be disturbed by his presence.

Some claimed he has the power to make music into moving pictures. Some said his power of words can change the hearts of the dragons, even tamed them.

But he was quiet. He was like a drain rat, scampering every corner but never leaves a mark.

Twenty-four moons later, he was now a Guider. He had his teachings. He had his disciples. But none of which he desired upon. His ultimate pilgrimage aim was to find someone whom he could lay trust on, teach continuously and guide that someone to be able to touch the consellations.

He failed.

He told himself, 'even great hawks lose their prey'

Three Cycles of the Moon, another pilgrim sought refuge in the Grey Palace. Unthinkable, unable and unexpected, the pilgrim became another Guider of the Fives.

He told himself, 'the prey is locked.'


The Wanderer story is based loosely on my real life in UTAR. Some of it is fiction, some of it is not. Make your own discretion. Check out what happens to the pilgrim whose name is his name.

Feeling Sorry

I am way too rush. I never thought of the consequences. Now I leave a person guilty and questioning all over the acts.

I made someone guilty and I am feeling bad about it. Who doesn't? I don't wish to see that person turns from a cheerful and playful one to a solemn and timid person. I want to see that person's soul come back.

I miss that person's old character.

I am sorry.

I never consulted you before I nearly insulted you. I never mean to do that. What you told me. How you turn back. How you lay your trust on me. I didn't wait for you to explain and I lay down my verdict.

I am sorry.

I screwed up. It's not that person. It's not you. It's me. All the while I was TTM-ing. You are right. We just have to run our lives as usual. No more complication. No more politicking.

I am sorry.

I wish I can turn back the clock and keep what I've said. 'A moment lost can never be again', but I sincerely wish that this will not happen. You mean to much for us, and we are treasuring you.

I wish you can read this. No matter how weird it sounds.


Cheers,
Your trustee

Ego (6 sentence story)

egoshadow

1. I was ego (said by Mr Q) and now I finally eat that.
2. I thought I was smart, then I finally found how stupid was I to do irrational things
3. It all comes back to the Circle which I was meant to break it before it's too late
4. The Circle is a situation where my life repeats itself every 2 or 3 years.
5. Co-incidence? I don't know.
6. But please, my words are of honesty.

Alone & Clear

The rain has cleared. I walked to the lakeside and took a look. I was amazed. No, I wasn't amazed by the beauty of the lake, I was amazed by the fact that I haven't seen such a beautiful lake since my Foundation time.

I realised. My time was occupied by unnecessary things. Unnecessary fights. Imaginery and unnecessary fights.

I am really TTM. Thinking too much. I always think I am a 'Lightbringer', capable of bringing some fame over my part. Then, I was wrong. The road ahead to be that, was inevitably long. It was as far out as my eyes could see.

No, I am not giving up. I am letting go. It's time to be quiet, passive ever. No wonder the Malay proverb Diam-diam ubi berisi. Quite true. People who are quiet can see things better, observe things better.

I should learn from them.

Ahh, the clear lake. Resembling my heart and mind now, clear from troubles, fights, dirty tactics, relationship problems. I will stay clean and clear, not corrupted and polluted.

Yeah, me.

[PS: I will not contact the outside world that often anymore. Need to be quiet... Blogging is fun now]

Hatred | Disappointment | Victory

OK, fine, you WIN, R!

After a long-life hidden war, I decided to give up. I have weighted my options. Either academic or co-curricular. I choose academic. Notice the present tense I am using in that sentence.

I don't want to fight anymore. It's pointless when I am standing on my own against your crowd. A chopstick to stop a running beast? Better keep that chopstick and retreat. I am not going to fool myself anymore.

Go ahead. Grin. Laugh all you want. I don't fucking care. I am used to loses that I feel them everywhere I go. Just leave it and smile away at your victorious battle.

I LOSE.

Putting in so much effort on something and you just come in and disturb. You are just like a tornado in my study room, blowing all my books away and leave with a laughter and howl.

You don't realise how much I invested in my fucking soul and time to help my friends. You don't realise how much I have to bear when I am being attacked by nonsensical assaults. You don't know how it feels like to walk on broken legs while trying to keep your friends standing.

You just fucking don't care.

I love my friends. I raise them as my brothers and sisters. I help them like my own sons and daughters. What you just did, is usurping them away from me, you son-of-a-bitch.

Maybe I trusted the wrong guys. Maybe I shouldn't accept it straightaway that time the offer was given. I should have rejected it.

1 year of effort is enough. I guess my 'heroic' episodes are over. It's your turn to shine. Shine all you can, I don't care. Don't look at me. Don't call me. Don't ever chat with me. I am not going to entertain you, since you are not that entertaining.

Maybe I can go back to my previous life where I can have all the fun with Siewcheng, Tanning, JiXuan, Puay Cian they all. It's more fun when I can play and joke, without these idiotic people come and attack you and stab you.

I am tired.

I am disappointed.

You win. Go and celebrate. Go BBQ with your cronies... your underlings... your slave...

Thinking of preparing my friends to stand up one day is making me sick. Since what I tell them is becoming your counter-attack.

Go eff them la. I don't want them already. I let them be independent.

I don't want to see, smell, touch, taste or whatever sense I used on this anymore.

ACADEMIC. MY PRIORITY

Piano

My teacher once said, "Piano has two-colour keys: black and white. If your key is more towards black keys, your songs are magical and mysterious."

For me, I love black-key sentimental songs, like those Pastel Reflections by Kevin Kern. But white keys serve me well as well, like Through the Arbor by Kevin Kern.



People ask me, why I love piano so much.



Simple. You can never get bored with piano, especially you have more than a billion permutations of keys available, since you have 88 keys on it.



I had a wish, and I hope someone can help me fulfil because I have no financial surplus to deal with it, that is: I wish for a blue piano. Not those kind of navy blue, but something resembling a sky blue or copper (II) sulphate blue (sorry for my science fever kicking in again).



Like this one:

Solving Problems

Well, there is a Chinese saying: "Crack the claypot and ask to the depths", or in other words, ask something you wish to know till you reach a satisfactory answer.

It's a good thing, no doubt. I am not that kind of person. I am a little bit on the pessimistic side. But I am not cynical to that point. I push someone if I wish to get an answer and then throw up a zillion problems to that person, hoping he/she will answer all.

That's why I became an event manager quite a few times. That's what people wants: a wholesome picture of all the possible limitations, problems, disadvantages and also advantages, budget cuts and publicity. These can be achieved by keep asking those stupid and very serious question.

Psst: it usually starts with 'What If?'

But there are some problems which cannot, STRICTLY, probe too deep. Or you are getting shit out of it. Sorry for the harsh word, but I can't find any more suitable words to replace it. Dung, perhaps? Or 'faeces'? Or even more technical term - "organic detritus excretion"?

Sorry for ketam-ing.

Take for an example, solving a relationship crisis. Your boyfriend leaves you and you are determined to find out why. So you begin to stalk his daily activities, stalk his Facebook, check his e-mail and blog, ask his friend about his stuff, ask your friend about his being... bla bla bla...

That doesn't work.

If the relationship is over, then you should get over it. It sounds bad. But it is. Once a relationship is over, it means that either party is really determined that the story requires a well-rounded fullstop (duh! try draw a half fullstop!). You can no longer carry on your story with him, except by having a new story where he is no longer in the limelight.

In other words, you start a new paragraph, or maybe a chapter. (But, seriously, don't end the story [suicide... XD])

In this case, it's like you are a geologist (here comes my magnificent analogy of sociology against science), and you discover a crack at a mountain top. The crack is snaking down, nearing to the base. You want to find out what causes it, and so you pick up a hoe, or spade, or whatever thing, and you start to dig deeper to see where the crack ends, so that you can know how much to fill up the crack.

And so you dig dig diggedy dig... down you go...

HEY, wake up!

What happens if you continue to dig? It's not that you will never find the real limit (because you just keep digging), you in fact are trying to pull two rocks apart! And what does that cost you? Time!

OK, you stop after realising it is a waste of time, you lift up your chin and see the hole you have dug. And you are like "OMG, how am I going to get out? How am I going to fill up this crack as I've intended to?"

Now, that's probing too deep will get you shit.


Some problems are not to be solved, but to be a fine lesson to all of us. Striking our bells of wisdom whether we can change our way before we get too deep.

It's time to move on, friend!

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, there lived a boy who had a simple life. He liked to play piano very much, composing each day if the feeling and inspiration just right. He thought, by having fun with himself could seal him off from the hectic life of the universe, just like persuading a gravitational bubble around him, or even a twisted space-time fabric around him like a cocoon.

But he was wrong.

Someone did knock on the door. He usually kept it locked but this time, out of mere curiosity, he unlocked it. That was the first mistake he did. That someone entered his house, saw how old the furniture was, how crisp the old books were and how stale the air smelt.

The moment the door was opened, fresh air and scent blew his mind away. That someone suddenly talked about things he couldn't understand. Not because that someone was using an unspoken or unheard of language, but it was a shock that this someone talked like as if both of them knew each other for a long time.

He stood there and kept nodding at every sentence that someone threw up.

Then, that someone left.

'I'll catch up with ya later.'

He looked back at his room. His belongings were still there, but it was shifted. The old book was moved to the piano, piano moved closer to his old grandfather's guitar...

Wait.

Guitar?

He thought he had lost it decades ago. Where did that pop into his house? Most importantly, when? Did that someone bring the guitar along? Or was it a miracle or blessing of that someone gave?

He dropped on his dusty sofa, and sunk into his deep thoughts.

*

Exactly a month later, another person came knocking the door. This time he was cautious. He was confused whether to let the stranger enter. He might make a mistake last time (though the word 'might' was strongly emphasised here). So this time, he peered at the stranger's face.

Not bad, he thought. At least the stranger didn't look so threatening.

He unhooked the door and opened slowly

The stranger walked in. The stranger didn't say anything for a moment. The stranger gazed around his dusty house. The stranger walked to the piano and waved to him.

'Come, join me for a duet,' the stranger smiled

And hesitately, he joined.

After a series of laughter and fun, the stranger left with the door opened.

'Nice to have you here,' the stranger said, bowed and left.

He turned back to his house and saw everything was tidied properly and cleaned. Was that another trick? He didn't know. He was simply amazed.

He went to his drawer, took out a box. He opened it and re-read the message given by someone he had lost a long time ago.

'Find yourself a better friend,' it read.

The problem was: Which one?




Certain words above are metaphors, or contain hidden meaning. Decipher it properly and you will know what true story I am having. Hint: UTAR

Silence Fills My Soul

In the night, under the tree
Where those sparkling stars we could see
You told me
'What a great friend you are to me.'

We rested at the meadow
Counting stars to tick off our sorrow
'Tomorrow
is a day where I have to go.'

I didn't understand
All those days we spent
till the glass bent
You never told me about this then.

One morning I went to your place
Your mum said you are at a pace
So quickly till I couldn't chase
And she said you gave me case.

I stood under the same tree
and opened the case you sent to me
There's a gift more than any
That shatters my heart in me

You're gone
I am done
I am alone
even when ths sun shone.

Silence fills my soul
when the feeling inside goes low
I touch the case you gave
Hoping it can ease my grave
but it fails
like a wind out of the sails

I am too good to be a friend
till I can't accept when things come to an end

Should I always be forgiving
when knowing that you are always taking
while I am always giving?

Silence

3 Is Not A Good Number

It happened again. I wanted to go to lakeside and yell out my name and what I wished for.

You know how it feels like when you are waiting... waiting... waiting... and when you almost got it, it just slipped out of your hands?

I thought I got S, but that... that.... FELLOW comes in and pulls us out of the way while that FELLOW joins S. WTF!

Can I not know someone if I knew someone is not that someone I used to wish for?

I know it sounds confusing. But hey, 3 is never a good number in a relationship. I guess I have to either let go of S, or let go of that FELLOW.

Damn... I really need to shout out right now.

DISAPPOINTED