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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Hatred | Disappointment | Victory

OK, fine, you WIN, R!

After a long-life hidden war, I decided to give up. I have weighted my options. Either academic or co-curricular. I choose academic. Notice the present tense I am using in that sentence.

I don't want to fight anymore. It's pointless when I am standing on my own against your crowd. A chopstick to stop a running beast? Better keep that chopstick and retreat. I am not going to fool myself anymore.

Go ahead. Grin. Laugh all you want. I don't fucking care. I am used to loses that I feel them everywhere I go. Just leave it and smile away at your victorious battle.

I LOSE.

Putting in so much effort on something and you just come in and disturb. You are just like a tornado in my study room, blowing all my books away and leave with a laughter and howl.

You don't realise how much I invested in my fucking soul and time to help my friends. You don't realise how much I have to bear when I am being attacked by nonsensical assaults. You don't know how it feels like to walk on broken legs while trying to keep your friends standing.

You just fucking don't care.

I love my friends. I raise them as my brothers and sisters. I help them like my own sons and daughters. What you just did, is usurping them away from me, you son-of-a-bitch.

Maybe I trusted the wrong guys. Maybe I shouldn't accept it straightaway that time the offer was given. I should have rejected it.

1 year of effort is enough. I guess my 'heroic' episodes are over. It's your turn to shine. Shine all you can, I don't care. Don't look at me. Don't call me. Don't ever chat with me. I am not going to entertain you, since you are not that entertaining.

Maybe I can go back to my previous life where I can have all the fun with Siewcheng, Tanning, JiXuan, Puay Cian they all. It's more fun when I can play and joke, without these idiotic people come and attack you and stab you.

I am tired.

I am disappointed.

You win. Go and celebrate. Go BBQ with your cronies... your underlings... your slave...

Thinking of preparing my friends to stand up one day is making me sick. Since what I tell them is becoming your counter-attack.

Go eff them la. I don't want them already. I let them be independent.

I don't want to see, smell, touch, taste or whatever sense I used on this anymore.

ACADEMIC. MY PRIORITY

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