Talking to Myself

"You know, he is so difficult to be pleased. He tests your patience!" one of my friends exclaimed.

"Yeah, I don't know what's gone into his mind. The way he thinks is so alien!" another agreed.

Yeah, that's me they are talking about.

*claps claps*

Not many people can tolerate my alien mind. OK, as my bruder and Dinesh said, it's not 'alien', it's unique. A unique mind. LOL. Here, I really feel the warmth of the world (around 28 degree Celsius perhaps?).

Haha, besides the unique mind of mine, some people asked me, why am I not commited to love?

Warning: DON'T LAUGH!!!

Besides telling them that I can't feel LOVE, I mean those romantic love, my friends even 'deduced' something. You guys know that the 4th finger on your left is said to connect straight to the heart? That's why people wear their wedding ring there. But, there is a mole on my 4th finger.

Mole in Chinese: Zhi.

Which is the same sound as 'stopping' in Chinese. So basically, my love potion is 'zhi'ed by the 'zhi'.

Funny friends... Now who has the alien mind huh?

Anyway~~~

I know I shouldn't write it here, but hey, it's my blog to express.

I am happy to have my bruder around. Serious. I owed you 3 times of dabao, 2 times of fetching me and numerous times of support. Haha. Yeah, if you are reading this blog, I am not sure whether your reaction is "Walao!" or silent smile. LOL.

My bruder and I. LOL.

Anyway, I am indebted. Thanks for the support everyday!

Same goes to Dominance. Although you are busy with your FYP, I can still feel your care towards my wellbeing. Hope we can hang out again. I miss the time we chatted for 4 hours in Kampar Station. LOL.

I am also indebted, sailou. Wish you all the best. Haha.

Haha... sorry la, taken your profile pic, no angry ya! Dailou sek sek. Muahahaha!

Difficult part 3 (I think)

Video-conferencing huh? Thought it would be fun like last time Celcom Youth Ambassador. To my much disappointment, the screen is static, pixelated and poor.

After the much haze, I caught up with cough, which I able to hide it from my friends. I remembered the last time I coughed, one of my friends gave me medicine, another boiled me Chrysanthemum tea and the third bought porridge for me.

Now you know why I hide my cough.

The haze is terrible. It pierces my lungs inside out. And today, I saw a sign of dark clouds. Nah, not white clouds being sunburnt, just a big patch of decent black cloud. Repeat, BIG patch. Real big.

I thought I needed someone to fetch me home from uni because of the rain, fortunately the sky was having constipation, so I cycled home.

Dang! It rained half way. I was like, speechless. Yeah, I don't curse the weather, I love rain actually, but not this time. LOL. Not really soaked wet, but I slipped my foot off the cycle pedal. Result? Sprained ankle. Woots. Congratz.

Reached home with sweat and wet, limping all the way upstairs and started massaging my ankle. Ha, what a day! And yes, like most of my friends who have literally big mouths, I am hungry. So the equation was:

Cold + Wet + Hungry + Pain

No worries, I had ordered my delivery (which I shouldn't). But somehow, I am still hungry...

Whatever.

Today I heard another friend of mine saying. "I love making him jealous, it makes him feel guilty and starts paying more attention to me."

Warning, the 'him' refers to her friend, not me or any of my friends.

Then I was thinking that sentence. True enough. I have done that several times over the course of my life journey. LOL. So uh, I think I should change. Haha. Fancy using people.

Aiks, nowadays I don't know why I feel guilty so easily. I was a steel man once, immune to many feelings, but this sem, my heart is exposed, terribly. LOL.

Dear bruder, thank you so much for everything and sorry again for last Monday. Rest well, live well. I may not be your best understanding bruder, but I am trying my best to be what a bruder should have.

Cheers and ciao,
MZ

Untitled

"I hate to say this, but hey, I love you..."

Blah, just a random quote picked from elsewhere to start off my blog.

Nothing to talk about, except this morning I woke up with a very odd feeling. A kind of feeling that twists and turns in my heart, as if it is trying to strangle me. And the blood is rushing fast.

OK, stop the ketam.

What I mean is, I can easily be jealous of someone. LOL. That's so not like me right? I mean, when I see the person that I thought is close to me runs off having fun with other people, I will feel distasteful.

I don't think that's jealousy.

I think I am way too possessive.

But I have one positive thing to overcome it. I love seeing people happy, despite the fact that I am one of them and not getting the happiness they got. Seeing them snapping photos, smiling, playing etc are often a kind of relief that the positivity atmosphere is there.

And one corner of my heart will whisper: "You're doing just fine."

I will stand there and smile in my heart, just to see the happy people jumping around. But little did they know that, sometimes a crack, or a fissure appears in my heart. Nah, who cares? As long as they are happy. LOL.

Thinking back what my mum had told me when I was in Ipoh last week. I knew what to do. Thanks, mum. I won't be dragged down by the force of friendships anymore. Haha.

What I am going to do is:
1) Repay all debts
2) Focus on studies
3) SRC

Relationships and friendships?
Nah, pooh.... I am not going to focus those unless it's related to my studies. So PuayCian, SockThing, I am still your friend. HAHAHAHA. Others? Well................


OK, enough of blabbering. Going to sleep before I see more things that make me jealous even more. LOL


Ciao!

I Got You

A friend once told me, an apology is something that both creates a rift and a bridge between people.

Quite true.

An apology, when said too many times, will make one party superbly guilty, while leaving another party in an always-forgiving nature. This can create a dangerous gap, whereby the guilty party will have increasing debt to repay the forgiving party, while the forgiving party will always smile and says, "It's OK. I don't mind!"

When the gap widens as the debt increases, communication starts to break down. The usual long conversation will get shorter and shorter, and the topic will be more limited.

In the end, it's just like a toffee being stretched to wide. It snaps.


But for some others, when you apologise, the other party will say, "It's OK. I've got you". According to most respondents, when friends really 'got you' when you need help, you will be very grateful and do the same to others. That closes down the rift. If the friend really understands you, a commitment of trust is built.

Even when the gap widens, the bridge is still there. Even the bridge is snapping half, there would always be a ship down there, hoisting a flag 'I got you'



So, what I wanted to say is, throughout my life, there have been successful and unsuccessful apologies. But, I would like to express my utmost thanks to those who can understand my emotional turmoil.

You made me a better person.

I GOT YOU.

Bang

I was tired, no, am tired, but here I am, still glueing my butt on the chair typing this blog. Classes are damn boring. MIFS, Sun Zi and lastly CRM.

You know what? I slept on an arbor bench 4.40pm today. Alright, an arbor is a pondok like thingy and the one in UTAR is at Block I, with scary creepers crawling all over. It was all windy and the lapping noise of the lake.

I slept.

LOL... really, it was all too tired. But I am glad that my brother was there, somehow my fatigue is got sucked up and away.

Thanks brother!

And oh ya, today a girl, an unknown girl but somewhat familiar came to me and ask, "You are Meen Zzzz right?"

I nodded slowly while my brain performed superfast scanning to match her face against all recognised faces in my memory. Before any matches came up, she was gone. Walking daintily to her class.

Who was she? How did she know my name? Is she the one who questioned Wai Kit during the SRC campaign?

Mysterious...


PS: I saw something naughty in campus today!

The Shell [Sci-Fi Synopsis]

Alright, I received some comments from readers that they require a synopsis of 'The Shell' since this is the first time I gave a lame name for my novella (when compare with 'Lunar River', 'Journey of the Angels' and 'Shining Star')


Out in the desert of Sahara, a piece of unknown metal of unknown composition is found. Scientists from all over the world begin to argue about the existence of new material and life beyond Earth when they realise the metal is from the sky.

Twenty years later, several rockets are built to investigate the origin of the fallen sky. But somehow at the same time, the traveller who has been 'killed' by the metal twenty years ago has awaken and warn the astroscientists that no matter how hard they push the rocket engines, they are not going to find out the answers.



Alright, that's all I can reveal. I can give you tips on 'dimensional pockets', 'quantum tunneling' and 'parallel thoughts'.

That's all folks.

Happy reading

Expiry Date: 1 year

That's my expiry date for knowing best people

The Shell [Sci-Fi Episode 1]

At Sahara Desert, the cold wind was blowing and the moon sailed low. There the traveller could hear the chirrup of the desert crickets and cactus owls howl. He laid his camel by his side and gazed at the millions of stars above him. He felt like he was a Babylonian, calling names for the stars.

His camel muffled in discomfort. He checked the luggage on its back. Yes, it was there, a cool blue cylinder engraved with golden swirls. A perfect gift that would earn him a year of luxury.

Then, something caught his attention above. A star began to wobble against the background of the sky. This was nothing usual. He kept the cylinder back and stared at the anomalous star. It flickered in dismay and then expanded, then contracted, like a balloon or bubble gone awry.

He shielded his eyes against the glaring light from the star, he could even trace out his finger bones through the light. Then he heard a loud boom and nothing.

The night was like before.

He blinked his eyes a few times, and saw not far away, an oasis was there. Or more specifically, a lake was there with high reflection, as if it was a mirror. He scratched his head. He had travelled so many times across the Sahara and never did he meet before a lake there.

He walked there carefully.

Then, a crunch was heard. He pulled away his feet and saw he was stepping on glass. Wait, glass? No doubt, the shattered glass pieces was found around the lake. As he approached the lake he found that the lake was steaming hot.

This was not quite right.

It's night time, the lake shouldn't be that hot.

He reached his fingers to touch it.

And at the next moment, he wished he hadn't touch it.

Favoritism vs Fairness

I am always a black-hatter, according to Edward de Bono. I always judge people's ideas. I shoot them down, and never gives face to them if the idea is beyond stupidity, as if I am a professional thinker (which I am not). I reject ideas that doesn't benefit much from others. I reject ideas that don't have good back-up plans.

Even though you are my best friend.

I treat people equal. You break the rule, I will shoot you down. I don't care. I don't care if I offend someone in this way. As long as you are wrong, you are DEFINITELY wrong. You admit, you change. I don't want to hear any excuses.

Even though you are my best friend.



My fair treatment to all has someone calling me Simon Cowell or Steve Jobs. They both love and hate working with me because of this attitude. From this attitude, they know I am 'clean'. I don't backstab. I see things wrong, I kill. I see things right, I praise.

Simple as that.

But somehow, lately, there has been a change of tides. My senses are already tickling in. Remember I said, lately I have no philosophies or any ideas to think about? It's now different. I guess my immunity to certain factors work.

Favoritism somehow plays a small part in this semester. It seems like I am failing my 'professionalism'. I become more like a Red-hatter of Edward de Bono than a black-hatter. I help those who are really helping, and stop helping those who are not really helpful.

That's when I realise my mistake.

Rumours and backstabbing begin to swarm around me, like misty ghosts.

I went back Ipoh last Friday, had my mind cleared off in my very antique looking study room, with my younger brother joked around with me and my mother who 'somehow predicted' what would happen to me telling me things that I should know.

Amongst the topic: "Your best friend is your worst enemy in university."

LOL at that one.

But, seriously, during my complete isolation from the student community of UTAR, I have come to a revelation that helps me on my pilgrimage.

Favoritism vs Fairness.


Now, tell me: which one do you choose? It doesn't matter whether you are a black hatter or a red hatter, just don't be a mad hatter.

Life: REWIND

Scientists postulate that the world we live in is on a piece of brane, much like the wheat and flour embedded on a piece of bread. In a larger hyperdimension, there are several of these 'bread' or branes, connected very closely to one another. One slight collision between the branes, will result in what we called the 'Big Bang'.

The universe most ultimate explosion, that creates everything and anything.

What I am saying is, you can create the best-est moment in life, when you are at infancy. Now as you pave your path to adulthood, you lay your foundations as interesting as possible, or maybe as boring as possible, depending on your profile.

What if you want to have another life? Another one that you don't wish to be like the present one?

Oops, am I giving a hint that you should commit suicide? No, please don't. What I mean is, rewind your life. Start everything from zero where you could. I am not asking you to delete every single memory, but just something that you need to restart back.

I am rewinding it now. For the third time. It's not fun at first. It sounds crazy, but you would eventually pass it. Try making new friends. That's a part of rewinding life. Find a new thing to do, rather than just stick around doing 'traditional' stuffs you used to do.

Be creative.

That's life.