Oops, I am not congratulating anybody except me. Congratulations, Neruvatar, your ego has finally eaten you up. Go and see your crowd's standing ovation.
Good. I was (am?) appreciative to anyone appearing in my life. I don't let that go easily when I have a chance to be grateful. If I don't, I can't live up my life. But recently, I held my ego high and refused to do this, say that to SOMEBODY.
Why?
Because I am an egotistical sanctimonious prick. I wasn't like this before. What made me? Or who made me like this? Seriously, if anyone feeling guilty, please send me a private message. I need to know. Thanks, in advance.
OK, fine. Know what I did? I completely stand up as a 'king' in my own world, showing off with my capabilities or my LanC-ness. This isn't my type. What went wrong with me this semester? Some parasitic alien invaded my mind and changed my neural topology (me and my crazed science fiction elements)?
Humble and humility... please...
Argh, I suddenly feel like being consumed by my pride and ego. It's hard. I wanna talk to somebody how I feel right now. My mum? My dad? But I will be talking to them about happy things. I don't want them to know I am 'stressed out' right now. Friends? If friends, who will listen? My dear Faruq? Puaycian? Sockthing? Andy? WeiWei?
@.@
Argh.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Letting Go
Letting go is harder than picking up. Mostly because humans are possessive-crazed. Once we want something, or got something want, we will never let it go. Positive thing, though, but it still kills.
Famous situation is about love and romance. You can't let it go easily because you are emotionally attached to the person you love. But do you know, letting go sometimes will let you hold more in the future?
After letting myself go, in my hands, more and more projects and events are pouring in as event consultant, event planner, head of departments. Sounds tempting. But I only chose three out of those. Why? Because I know, I may have the best mind and mouth, but I have a pair of poor hands.
Knowing your weakness is a key. And people keep saying 'Correct your weaknesses.' But for me, 'I change my weakness into strength'. Don't get it or me wrong. What I mean is, certain weakness I still keep it. I won't change it. And I use it when time is necessary.
Consider myself a chatterbox, at least I can use that to wake people up, change people's perspective and behaviour. I remembered I successfully helped a super duper bad and naughty student during my secondary school days into someone brand new till he never bullied anyone and behaved properly.
I am not blowing any trumpets (or playing any piano, if you insist) here. I am merely pointing out the fact that letting go of yourself to embrace the others is a very good thing.
I am shy. Seriously shy. I don't go out and shout out publicly, find some officers to talk with or even pay my rental (this was an old case, I am no longer like this). But shy has its positiveness. It stops you from reaching too high till you forget where you stand. It stops you from getting killed before you know.
Now, multiple projects have landed into my hand, with one of them I am being fully in-charged. It was unexpected. But I have to do it. I got unwanted positions, states and situations all the time, especially once I got the post of 'Kebersihan', but so what? I finally enjoy it.
Don't frus and fret over undesired options. Go and frus and fret over your frus and fret behaviour. No one is 100% perfect. And don't be perfect. Perfect guys or girls are hard to communicate.
Be there, let go, embrace, enjoy. B.L.E.E.
Famous situation is about love and romance. You can't let it go easily because you are emotionally attached to the person you love. But do you know, letting go sometimes will let you hold more in the future?
After letting myself go, in my hands, more and more projects and events are pouring in as event consultant, event planner, head of departments. Sounds tempting. But I only chose three out of those. Why? Because I know, I may have the best mind and mouth, but I have a pair of poor hands.
Knowing your weakness is a key. And people keep saying 'Correct your weaknesses.' But for me, 'I change my weakness into strength'. Don't get it or me wrong. What I mean is, certain weakness I still keep it. I won't change it. And I use it when time is necessary.
Consider myself a chatterbox, at least I can use that to wake people up, change people's perspective and behaviour. I remembered I successfully helped a super duper bad and naughty student during my secondary school days into someone brand new till he never bullied anyone and behaved properly.
I am not blowing any trumpets (or playing any piano, if you insist) here. I am merely pointing out the fact that letting go of yourself to embrace the others is a very good thing.
I am shy. Seriously shy. I don't go out and shout out publicly, find some officers to talk with or even pay my rental (this was an old case, I am no longer like this). But shy has its positiveness. It stops you from reaching too high till you forget where you stand. It stops you from getting killed before you know.
Now, multiple projects have landed into my hand, with one of them I am being fully in-charged. It was unexpected. But I have to do it. I got unwanted positions, states and situations all the time, especially once I got the post of 'Kebersihan', but so what? I finally enjoy it.
Don't frus and fret over undesired options. Go and frus and fret over your frus and fret behaviour. No one is 100% perfect. And don't be perfect. Perfect guys or girls are hard to communicate.
Be there, let go, embrace, enjoy. B.L.E.E.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
I Am Sorry
It's not that I hate you. I just can't like you. The distance is not far, but my mind tells me so. Meeting and knowing you is the best part of my life recently, but getting any closer is really impossible for us as you have your reasons and I have mine.
I have once a wish, but now it's a fool's wish. I thought about this and that, and refraining myself from TTM, I still find that it is hard to communicate. You never try to understand how people reacts or feels, but people always try to understand you.
You know how tough it is for two or more people to understand each other? Trust is not the only thing that builds a bridge, it's words that counts. You don't express much and it is making me feel like I am talking to a wall, or maybe a super-intelligent robot.
I seek your forgiveness in everything I have done or said, I never thought things could spiral out of control like this. You are no doubt a person who tries to be neutral in everything, but sometimes, you need to shift some allegiance. That's what I am hoping for.
I know I cannot compete with the one next to you. And I know time is running out between us. So, I choose to retreat. I don't want to make this any more difficult than ever. I want you to have a happy life and a happy companion.
I failed terribly on you.
Thanks for the memories. Will never forget you.
From,
Your heartbroken one
Monday, April 4, 2011
Dark Ice
OK, whatever it is, I am dark - figuratively and literally - and I am cold - physiologically and psychologically. And BY THE WAY, I am not EMO-ing till I turn dark and cold, like dark ice. It's just, I am not serious in certain things and now I need a change. Ha.
The feeling of losing a friend is immuned for now, as expected. I thought I cannot cope with it, but before MPO, I can. I realise that there are more people to come.
Wee, waiting for the T-Shirt to arrive and I will wear it as often as I can. [OK, that does not sound like me]
But hey, I enjoy my life now. Far better than earlier of this semester. Woots. Count as a progress? No, I think it is a regress. I am supposed to be like this. Silly thinking of those useless people...
OK, I know this blogpost is a bit scattered and shattered, or fragmented, but who cares? It's my blog anyway. You wanna read it then you have to bear the risk of pening kepala.
And oh, one more thing. I am OFFICIALLY being bullied.
(1) Mr Soong keeps asking me to find a girlfriend.
(2) My friends (WeiWei and Kelly and even MR SOONG) keep saying I am in a romantic relationship with Faruq
Faint faint faint faint...
Me. MinZ, Dark Ice Arising
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra = Money Pouring Occasion
Right, slept at 2am Sunday and woke up at 5am on the same day. Then WeiFa had already arrived my house by 6am, making me rushed through my bath and cloth. Then we got ready with those formal shirts and food, we walked to school together with WeiWei by 7.10am.
I don't know. I stop crapping here and skipped everything to where the 'adventure' began.
We reached KLCC and we went for lunch at Sushi King (which sadly/gladly is my 2nd time to any Sushi King outlets). And gosh, I ordered Salmon Steak at RM19.90, yet to be discounted by the sponsored RM7. LOL. Tasty but super full (all thanks to Mr Soong who 'willingly' 'donated' half the bowl of rice to me)
Then we went to MPO. Alice Sara Ott. Woots. Nice hair flipping but not energetic enough. I was wishing myself going up the stage and helped her. OMG... fantasizing... and one of the violinists looks smart enough to capture WeiWei and my attention. LOL. But... when... haizzzz.......
Then went to Sungai Wang Plaza. Spent money at Teppanyaki. Excuse me, I regretted ordering that Ebi Soba. My God. So oily and tasteless. Like drinking oiled sky juice. Disgusting. But the feeling was offset by the presence of WENGYEW!!! Weeee~~~ Long time no see, that made us all super happy...
Haha, yeah that's a summary.
One more thing, KL loves our money. Besides that RM19.90 sushi set, I spent another RM14.05 for the Teppanyaki, RM5.50 (but still Wengyew treated us) for the Wrap Food (dunno what's it called) and RM0.20 for entering the washroom.
=.=
So, I am officially broke now. MOMMY!!! Bank in money please!!!
I don't know. I stop crapping here and skipped everything to where the 'adventure' began.
We reached KLCC and we went for lunch at Sushi King (which sadly/gladly is my 2nd time to any Sushi King outlets). And gosh, I ordered Salmon Steak at RM19.90, yet to be discounted by the sponsored RM7. LOL. Tasty but super full (all thanks to Mr Soong who 'willingly' 'donated' half the bowl of rice to me)
Then we went to MPO. Alice Sara Ott. Woots. Nice hair flipping but not energetic enough. I was wishing myself going up the stage and helped her. OMG... fantasizing... and one of the violinists looks smart enough to capture WeiWei and my attention. LOL. But... when... haizzzz.......
Then went to Sungai Wang Plaza. Spent money at Teppanyaki. Excuse me, I regretted ordering that Ebi Soba. My God. So oily and tasteless. Like drinking oiled sky juice. Disgusting. But the feeling was offset by the presence of WENGYEW!!! Weeee~~~ Long time no see, that made us all super happy...
Haha, yeah that's a summary.
One more thing, KL loves our money. Besides that RM19.90 sushi set, I spent another RM14.05 for the Teppanyaki, RM5.50 (but still Wengyew treated us) for the Wrap Food (dunno what's it called) and RM0.20 for entering the washroom.
=.=
So, I am officially broke now. MOMMY!!! Bank in money please!!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Bo Jio
Bo Jio.
This is a common term around me nowadays.
"Jom. Yumcha!"
"Bojio..."
What is this? I am not very good in Hokkien before, but because of my amazing adaptability (SS-ing), I still got the meaning of Bo Jio successfully. *clap clap*
It's kinda hard to find someone to have a meal with me quietly. Whenever I jio someone, others sure will shout "BOJIO!". Whoa, don't tell me I have to jio everyone else. Some are even worse. They hint hint you, keep on posting those status to tempt you to jio them. If you don't jio them, the outcome would be the same "BOJIO!"
Argh.
I wonder last time when they had meal and yumchas together, how many times they didn't jio me. HAHA. I am not vengeful, but I am merely pointing out the fact that, it's not that I bojio you guys, it's because, err, I don't feel like jio you guys. Why? Several reasons. LanC; limited topic; unsuitable topic; busy; studying etc.
That's why, I sure jio those who sure will come out, like QiWen, WeiWei, DomDom etc.
OK OK, fine, blame me on my poor timing. I don't care. I am just trying my best to reduce to shouts of "BOJIO!!!"
This is a common term around me nowadays.
"Jom. Yumcha!"
"Bojio..."
What is this? I am not very good in Hokkien before, but because of my amazing adaptability (SS-ing), I still got the meaning of Bo Jio successfully. *clap clap*
It's kinda hard to find someone to have a meal with me quietly. Whenever I jio someone, others sure will shout "BOJIO!". Whoa, don't tell me I have to jio everyone else. Some are even worse. They hint hint you, keep on posting those status to tempt you to jio them. If you don't jio them, the outcome would be the same "BOJIO!"
Argh.
I wonder last time when they had meal and yumchas together, how many times they didn't jio me. HAHA. I am not vengeful, but I am merely pointing out the fact that, it's not that I bojio you guys, it's because, err, I don't feel like jio you guys. Why? Several reasons. LanC; limited topic; unsuitable topic; busy; studying etc.
That's why, I sure jio those who sure will come out, like QiWen, WeiWei, DomDom etc.
OK OK, fine, blame me on my poor timing. I don't care. I am just trying my best to reduce to shouts of "BOJIO!!!"
Hint Me!
Argh, I was feeling alright for the entire week, and now something had bumped into me. OK, I gonna be straight and fast this time. Stop hinting me!
LOL. If you want something, just say it. Don't go beating around the bush, fishing around the seaweeds or flying amidst the clouds. I don't like guessing your motives because I don't want to hurt your feelings if I responded differently than you expected.
For example
Don't look at me with blearry eyes, as if you want to tell me something.
Don't post something on Facebook that you indirectly referring to me.
You make me feel very difficult. Maybe you can just pop up a chatbox and tell me. Date me, chat with me or play with me, I am more than willing to oblige, just don't hint me. I don't know what you want...
LOL. If you want something, just say it. Don't go beating around the bush, fishing around the seaweeds or flying amidst the clouds. I don't like guessing your motives because I don't want to hurt your feelings if I responded differently than you expected.
For example
Don't look at me with blearry eyes, as if you want to tell me something.
Don't post something on Facebook that you indirectly referring to me.
You make me feel very difficult. Maybe you can just pop up a chatbox and tell me. Date me, chat with me or play with me, I am more than willing to oblige, just don't hint me. I don't know what you want...
Bubble-blowing
Tonight is the night.
I got the chance to hang out with QiWen, Albert, Desmond and Penny. Hehe. Last few yumchas were not the best, but this one, I can say, I like it like some others. Reason? Simple. We don't talk about girlfriend/boyfriend, lengzai/lenglui and other chick topics.
We chat about wide-ranged topics. I dunno how we switched from one to another. It's like a never-ending story. OK, I am not giving you any ideas of us being wasting the time. But, it is indeed a rare chance to have such friends who talk like that.
Yeah rite, who says guys must talk about chicks, and chicks must talk about guys?
Anyway, you guys managed to rock off my thoughts about those, erm, you know, negative things.
Right, it's time to gaogaozhi.... bye bloggo! See you in the morning (mostly will be in the afternoon)
I got the chance to hang out with QiWen, Albert, Desmond and Penny. Hehe. Last few yumchas were not the best, but this one, I can say, I like it like some others. Reason? Simple. We don't talk about girlfriend/boyfriend, lengzai/lenglui and other chick topics.
We chat about wide-ranged topics. I dunno how we switched from one to another. It's like a never-ending story. OK, I am not giving you any ideas of us being wasting the time. But, it is indeed a rare chance to have such friends who talk like that.
Yeah rite, who says guys must talk about chicks, and chicks must talk about guys?
Anyway, you guys managed to rock off my thoughts about those, erm, you know, negative things.
Right, it's time to gaogaozhi.... bye bloggo! See you in the morning (mostly will be in the afternoon)
Friday, April 1, 2011
Hope
Despite the fact that most of my friends will be leaving me soon after this semester, mostly because of graduation, internship and course transfer, and I was EMO-ing about that, I actually come to think that, it's a cycle end.
It's time for me to start anew like always before. Metamorphosizing. Yeah, you have seen this word a zillion times in my blog. If I need to metamorphosize, I need to start afresh, starting by deleting those which I have strings attached to.
Right, I am not talking about unfriending anyone. I am talking about put those nostalgic moments, friends aside and start feeling out. It's time to walk the maze of moments on my own. Like LingShiau said, it's no point attaching to someone who is obviously of no use for your future, except accompanying you for fun.
OK, I am not talking about using anyone. I am saying, certain things need to let go, to allow others to grow. You don't pluck the fruit and the fruit will be eaten by the pest. It's your call... Ahem, my call.
Now, hope has arise. Hope has a new place. Hope. I hope. Not I dream. I dream a fool's dream is a hope without hope. Start afresh, Iliustera! Arusta Sezigh!
It's time for me to start anew like always before. Metamorphosizing. Yeah, you have seen this word a zillion times in my blog. If I need to metamorphosize, I need to start afresh, starting by deleting those which I have strings attached to.
Right, I am not talking about unfriending anyone. I am talking about put those nostalgic moments, friends aside and start feeling out. It's time to walk the maze of moments on my own. Like LingShiau said, it's no point attaching to someone who is obviously of no use for your future, except accompanying you for fun.
OK, I am not talking about using anyone. I am saying, certain things need to let go, to allow others to grow. You don't pluck the fruit and the fruit will be eaten by the pest. It's your call... Ahem, my call.
Now, hope has arise. Hope has a new place. Hope. I hope. Not I dream. I dream a fool's dream is a hope without hope. Start afresh, Iliustera! Arusta Sezigh!
It's Over =)
OK, right, I don't like putting emoticons on my title, but just in case you all thought I am EMO-ing... Right, I don't trust your senses.
LOL. Well before I say anything, 'Happy April Fool's Day!' Nobody played a prank on me so far, but I kena pranked indirectly because of QiWen. There was this pair of dudes, holding a triangle piece of paper each, pointing to each other and standing some metres apart, as if they are laying down a wire or invisible thread. QiWen hesitated to walk over, fearing that it would trip her. But I didn't. I wanted to walk over. That QiWen still standing there ternganga. Akibatnya, you know what, Happy April Fool's Day.
There wasn't any strings to make people trip after all. And they thought I also kena pranked. =.=
OK, back from ketam-ing. I am glad everything is over. The Keyboard Weekly Classes, Presentations and Assignments, Tests and Quizzes. I finally can relax. Maybe I am a little bit boiled. I tend to work super fast when the stress is near.
And, of course, besides those academic and co-co things, even personal things and relationships are over. Haha. Don't get me wrong. I am not talking about those love and romance thingy. I am saying that some strings between me and others have to be detached or I will fall together with them into the abyss.
OK, I know I am being metaphoric again. Blame me on my novel writing skills.
First one to 'over' is actually the first person I got close to this semester. How ironic. First to know and first to go. Ha. Never mind, the thing is, I am happy. That counts.
[PS: LingShiau recommended me to stop contributing for others and start being selfish.]
LOL. Well before I say anything, 'Happy April Fool's Day!' Nobody played a prank on me so far, but I kena pranked indirectly because of QiWen. There was this pair of dudes, holding a triangle piece of paper each, pointing to each other and standing some metres apart, as if they are laying down a wire or invisible thread. QiWen hesitated to walk over, fearing that it would trip her. But I didn't. I wanted to walk over. That QiWen still standing there ternganga. Akibatnya, you know what, Happy April Fool's Day.
There wasn't any strings to make people trip after all. And they thought I also kena pranked. =.=
OK, back from ketam-ing. I am glad everything is over. The Keyboard Weekly Classes, Presentations and Assignments, Tests and Quizzes. I finally can relax. Maybe I am a little bit boiled. I tend to work super fast when the stress is near.
And, of course, besides those academic and co-co things, even personal things and relationships are over. Haha. Don't get me wrong. I am not talking about those love and romance thingy. I am saying that some strings between me and others have to be detached or I will fall together with them into the abyss.
OK, I know I am being metaphoric again. Blame me on my novel writing skills.
First one to 'over' is actually the first person I got close to this semester. How ironic. First to know and first to go. Ha. Never mind, the thing is, I am happy. That counts.
[PS: LingShiau recommended me to stop contributing for others and start being selfish.]
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