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Thursday, November 24, 2011

It's My Life

I am pathetic. I admit. After sending false messages saying 'I am Fine', I decided to take a major step backwards and head to my left. In fact, I think I am in a need to ditch everyone I know.

I hope some peculiar solar flare erupt and send down huge amounts of super-charged particles to disrupt the bio-electrics of the human bodies, especially the neurones. I want people to have their memories erased. I don't want to know them anymore and I don't want them to know me anymore.

People used me, even my closest friend. I should never let people know I can speak English, I can draw and I can play piano. That's why I found my secondary school years happy. Nobody knew I can play piano. Nobody did... *sob*

I have being asked to do this and that because of my so-called "expertise". I can't find my real happiness in Kampar anymore. Who really appreciates me? Who? I don't want to know anymore. I am tired. I am sick. People are getting their laughters while waiting for me to complete the job, worse, healing from ill.

Why do I get so whiny nowadays? Menopause perhaps.

I want to escape. Escape to a place where I can live properly and not being used. Of course that place doesn't exist. *sob* I don't want to do this anymore. I feel like crouching at a corner, doing my favourite things. Till now, nobody ever knows who am I.

What they know is I play dota, I write songs, I write stories and I draw.

What they don't know, is... *sob* I don't want to talk about it anymore. This year has been my most miserable year in my life.

You go ahead with your life.

Why the hell am I always thinking of others when I am having fun? Since I was a child, I always bring back something nice that I have been through or to and give it to someone I treasure. Unfortunately, I didn't meet anyone like this here.

I am still doing this till now. I bring good things and memories and give it to someone I treasure.

Now, I am sitting down and question myself for the purpose of doing this. I am not able to rest properly and I am not able to enjoy life properly here.

I don't want to talk more. I need to be alone. I don't wish to put any hope on anyone anymore. Hope means disaster for me.


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