One thing I seriously don't like is my messages turn unreplied. I think it's rude. Very rude. I mean, what's the point when I seriously want to care about someone and all the messages (maybe not all) are not replied?
Wasting my credit.
Throughout this semester, I am fighting a monster in me, a demon. My friend asked me, "Why aren't you like the one I know you before? You turn vulnerable. Like precious glass." Well, what can I say?
I lost myself. Terribly. And I miss myself.
JuanWyn was (is) right. There is no such thing as best friend. Ah Wei said, "Who are you? You are MZ wor. You are the strictest, fiercest and toughest person. You are MZ, must be strong." But I think my brother is my best friend (or at least).
Although he didn't reply my messages
Although he always say he is busy (even he's got time to go out play)
Although he says he has no problem (yet he tells people he has)
I don't mind. Really. Somehow this relationship has got me immune. It's like, go ahead and have fun without me, I am nerd. A NERDY NERD. I have fun with chatting with my friends, joking with sarcasms and playing piano.
I don't dance. I don't drink. I don't swim. I don't... anything else!
It's me. It's fucking real me.
I was once a guy who doesn't give a damn on any feeling. A hardcore ass-splitting bastard. Where's that me? I only gave my feeling to performance, and nobody else. And now it seems like I have defied myself.
I keep telling myself to regress, but the only thing that keeps from doing it is my brother.
Is it wise? Is it not?
I am not going to question myself, for fearing schizophrenic symptoms got worse. Anyway, my Rogula taught me a new trick: pray. Chant the mantras. Your best friend is your family and god. God and family will always be there when you need them.
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