Chinese always says: 'What you think at day, will dream at night.'
Now I finally got it.
It was X. No, not the previous X. It's the X that live in my social circle a long time before. No. Not more than two years. If I write X here and he reads about it, then I think he knows I am talking about him.
Apologises kill. That's the first and major lesson I learnt during building a friendship. And that's the thing I screwed up with. And I got a bitter price to pay. It's not good. Trust me.
I make out with him. (No, not make love. Don't misunderstand. Seriously). It was recent. But I know the gap between us is still there. A kind of crack that no matter how you seal it, it just opens for you.
It's sad and hurt.
Last night, I dreamt I was walking along the stairs and I saw him walking down. I avoided eye contact at first, but later I forced out a stiff smile and said 'hi' to him. He smiled back and waved to me, calling me to him.
So I went.
He put his arm over my shoulder and asked me, 'So, are you going to tell me why you did that to me before?' He wasn't questioning me. The tone was like, I dunno, caring or somewhat curious. I am confused, alright?
Before I can reply...
My DAMN ALARM RANG!!!
I know. I know. But the tone, the voice, the smile, the ever-forgiving face, tell me that he is still as open-hearted as before. And that, had made me feel more miserable.
I am sorry again, X, for what I have done to you. Just me being kecil hati and make you innocently blocked out from my life. I hope one day, we will just go back the way we were once.
Haiz... beautiful and yet, miserable dream...
PS: I know this whole point of blog is useless. A dream. Unreal. Uninteresting. But who cares?