Friday, August 19, 2011


Sick and Ill. I know I shouldn't post all these stuffs. It's like a crybaby. But, seriously, who cares? Who effing cares?

People say, relationship is a shit. The more you get involve, the deeper you go into the shit, unable to pull free. Even if you pull free, those shit lumps are going to cling on you. Even you wash them away, the smell still lingers.


I made a mistake this semester.

I love someone who I shouldn't have. This is a greatest error marking in my entire history.

In fact, there are more to come.

I don't give a damn on whatever, or whichever Cycle is going to end and rise. I am going to give it a straight and loud slam that, I will end it myself. I am tired of this thing happening again and again. Call me EMO king, I don't care. I am not EMO, I am having a weak and sensitive heart.

I realise, so far, differences between two parties is rifting us apart. I don't care what they say. I don't care what you say. What I know is, when there is a difference between two person, I tried to suit your preference. And it is very tiring to be someone other than me. The more I tried to be your preferable choice, the more I think I am a fake specimen.

Why I should lose my true self just to keep a relationship running?

The more I fake myself, the more you think I am trying to adapt to you. Then you tell me "Just be yourself!" and I wonder, if I be myself, would you have the fun I gave to you now? If I be myself, would you find there's a mean to keep me as your friend?

SLOW = Stop Licking Own Wounds.

That's what I will do, despite my heart is tearing into pieces. I have to learn to have a tough hard on all matters, not only impersonal.

I am introvert, passive, stern and lazy.
You are extrovert, active, jovial and hardworking.

We can never be on par.
We can never be what you think.

By this mere sickness I suffer for 2 days, I can see a lot of truth in us now. I have pretended to be someone else just to be with you closer. And now, I know now.

I am not match to you.
I am not a good friend or whatever relationship.

I am ME.

I shall go back to my life as before.

Bless my illness

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